Downward Spiral

When someone kills themselves, is it selfish or is it humane? Most people know when they just can't take anymore and in the long run are probably saving people from future encounters with them. If you reach a point where you know for a fact that you are no longer of use then why not off yourself and save someone the trouble of dealing with you? We go thorough so much trouble to save all these people that want to die but then they just end up depressed for the rest of their lives anyway. Not only that, but they inevitably bring everyone in their life down with them. Emotions are contagious! I guess everyone serves a purpose though. Even people like me that lead ridiculously unorganized lives. I have no idea what I want out of my life. Right now I just want to be able to be an acknowledged human being. I want someone to say, "Even though you are a screw up you are worth it" I probably always will be. There's no changing what you don't see a problem with. I don't think its wrong being the way I am....it might not be the best or healthiest way to live a life but it's my way and that is the only way I know. I'd like to be able to fully blame this on my parents but there comes a point where it just doesn't matter anymore. I honestly think they fucked me (and countless others) up a lot more than they even know or let themselves know but after a certain amount of time that becomes null and void. I'm my own person now regardless of how my parents raised me. I could have had it a lot worse but so could most people. The truth is nobody has a perfect childhood and even if you do then it ends up screwing you in the long run because then you can't relate to 99.9% of the rest of us because you don't understand what it's like to grow up in a loony bin. There's really no way to escape any of it. Being born is a sin in it's self so why not just spiral downward from there?