Will Be Ends Today

I've lived my life afraid of "used to"
I've lived my life afraid of mistakes
Because I'm young
And when I get old, I want to die
With no regrets
So I've done nothing to regret

Which, of course, is what I'm regretting now

So I've lived quietly
Being the 4.0 student
Everyone expects me to be
Applying for Harvard, Stanford, Yale
Because it's expected
And I've avoided fun, parties, dating, friends
Like some avoid toxins
Because, they are toxins
To expectations

And I've had no time for "used to"

And I've had no time for what I wanted
And I've tried to scream, to say
"This is killing me inside!
Can't you tell I'm dead inside?"

But no one hears, because no one wants to hear

So this is it
I have no time for "used to"
Be it present
Or future
And I'm not going to live this lie
And come to the end and say,
"What happened to my life?"

Or maybe I am
Or maybe I'm already there

There will never be a "used to"
Because "will be" ends today