Am I An Endangered Species?

Recently I filled out one of those questionnaires that your friends send to you by email. The last question was, "What do you think people want to know the most (about yourself)?" I didn't have to think much before I typed in my answer: Why I have ten kids. It made me think about different questions: What is the difference between curiosity and rudeness? And what is wrong with having a big family?

Now, I am a very open-minded person and I'd like to think that I have nothing to hide. But some of the questions and comments I've had to endure in the last 25 years run from rude to down-right ludicrous. Especially concerning the number of children in my family.

What is it that frightens other women so much when they find out you have more than 2.5 kids? Are they afraid it might be "contagious"? Or that my choosing to have ten children (eight by birth and two by marriage) might propell the world back into the so-called "Dark Ages" of forced Stay-At-Home-Motherhood? Perhaps they don't want to face their own insecurities about being a mother.

And God forbid that those children might behave themselves in public. Why, that just isn't normal! One time I broke a tooth and had to make an emergency run to the dentist. I had five children at the time, ages six to 13. I couldn't find a babysitter on such short notice and my mouth was hurting too much to make a later appointment, so I piled them all into the car and drove on down. When we got into the dentist's office, there were five women there. Two were old enough to be my mother, two were around my age, and the youngest one looked like she was in her 20's. None of them had children with them.

I told the kids that I would be back out in a bit (this was a small town and I didn't have to worry about leaving them) and to sit quietly until I came back. Both of the ladies that were my age smirked; the young one looked horrified. I was in the chair for about 30 minutes and when I came back out into the waiting room, one of the older ladies was sitting with my eight year old son on her lap. He was reading her a book. The six year old was playing with a box of toys on the floor. The 11 and 12 year old were doing their homework and the 13 year old was reading an ancient magazine. The lady who held my son said to me, "These are the nicest kids I've seen in a long time." The other older lady nodded in agreement. The remaining three looked at us like we were from another planet.

The attitudes that men show me aren't any better. I was single for almost five years between my two marriages and I dated from time to time. Once a guy found out I had "so many" children he usually:

(1) ran quickly, probably because he figured I'd get pregnant again if he stared at me too long or stood too close;

(2) still asked me out but acted like I was after HIM for his money (Like I would want to have to put up with ANOTHER man! Why should I? I was usually making more money than they were and I still had my FREEDOM!); or

(3) automatically assumed that since I had '"so many" children that I spent every moment of my recreation time practicing how to make more.

One loser who couldn't give me the time of day suddenly began slinking around me at work. I asked him what he wanted and he actually had the nerve to wiggle his eyebrows at me and say (imagine the sleaziest, "slickest" voice now) "When I heard you had seven children, I was sooo intrigued....." My skin is still crawling over that one!

And the questions! My personal favorite is: "Heh..heh..heh. Haven't you figured out what causes this yet?" Original, eh? Well, I'm proud of myself; I do NOT answer, "No, and unfortunately neither did your parents." (Okay, I'll admit that's what I am thinking, but to my credit I don't say it out loud.) One woman even had the nerve to say to me, "If I had that many kids, I'd commit suicide." My oldest daughter, who was 20 at the time, told her "If you were my mom I'd commit suicide too." She handled it well enough, but it does make me pretty angry when my kids have to hear such things. I make sure they know that I'm proud of them and that if I had to do it all over again, I would.

I do have fun sometimes though. I am often told that I don't look my age; one of the "perks" of being a Native American. My youngest child is just 11 months older than my oldest grandchild. So when my 4 grown daughters are out with me and my two, plus the six grandchildren, even the people who know us sometimes get confused as to who 'belongs' to whom. I also enjoy it when Gunnar and I meet someone with a new baby (usually their first) and they casually ask, "And how many angels do you have?" This is my husband's favorite part; he thinks there is nothing more funny than the shocked reactions we get when we answer, "Oh, just ten..."

Seriously, I have to state here that in my opinion, it doesn't matter how many (or how few) children you have, as long as you love them. None of my children were "planned", but they all know that they are wanted. In Psalms 127:3-5 the Bible states: "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are...like sharp arrows in a warrior's hands. How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them!" My quiver is definitely full; not a bad thing for an Indian, right?