Please Don't Compare Me

The full title is "Please Don't Compare Me to Norman Bates..."

Please don't compare me to Norman Bates
Even though my muse is dead in the cellar.
She makes me write the stuff everyone hates,
She's dead, but I wish you wouldn't tell her.

Even though my muse is dead in the cellar,
I think she's quite the charming doll.
She's dead, but I wish you wouldn't tell her,
She's got quite the ego, after all.

I think she's quite the charming doll.
The years hardly show on her face:
She's got quite the ego, after all.
It wouldn't do to have a single hair out of place.

The years hardly show on her face:
I keep her well-groomed and maintained.
It wouldn't do to have a single hair out of place,
But her wrinkly dress is bloodstained.

I keep her well-groomed and maintained,
It's a constant and arduous task
But her wrinkly dress is bloodstained,
And I'm afraid it might make people ask...

It's a constant and arduous task
To keep the old hag from yelling
And I'm afraid it might make people ask...
What on earth is it that I'm smelling?

To keep the old hag from yelling
I take care and write poetry her way.
What on earth is it that I'm smelling?
I should be ashamed to say.

I take care and write poetry her way,
She makes me write the stuff everyone hates,
I should be ashamed to say,
"Please don't compare me to Norman Bates!"