Losing It

LOSING IT

I knew it was him even before he turned around. Emotions I thought were dead and buried stirred far too rapidly for me to control.

         He turned then and looked straight into my eyes. Nothing had changed.

         “Hi,” he said, almost inaudibly. “How are you?”

         I was lost in his eyes once more, memories from the past invading my thoughts as I tried, unsuccessfully, to dismiss them.

         “Fine. You?” was all I could manage. I was relieved yet terrified when my family emerged from the shop and joined me.

         “This is Mike,” I informed them. “We …er…went to school together.” I could never reveal to them the details or intensity of our relationship; had hoped I would never have to.

“How long have you been married?” Mike asked, his eyes hurt yet half mocking.

         “Twelve years in June. How about you? Settled down yet?”

         “No, still foot loose and fancy free. I never found that special someone, or maybe I did but…”

         “So, what brings you back up North?” I cut in quickly, feeling my colour rising, my pulse quickening. “I thought you were something big in the City now?”

         “I was, but lately I’ve felt unsettled. Decided to come home for a while, maybe pick up some pieces from the past.”

         I shuddered involuntarily, unable to quell the turmoil within.

         His eyes met mine again. “You must come round and have a drink with me one night. You know, for old time’s sake.” He smiled and I felt my knees and my resolve weaken.

         As I walked away I could not ignore the feelings still lingering inside me. The battle I had fought all those years ago was not over. I hope to keep away from him but I’m not sure I can. I know I should. After all, I’m a happily married man.