1-800-GOD HELP ME

On my way out of the bank where I worked, I noticed the underground parking lot was almost empty. It looked as if I were one of the last people out, yet again. What a beautiful night. I came up to my car, and noticed,once again tonight, there was an advertising flyer tucked under the windshield wiper.

"What is it this time?" I wondered to myself. I grabbed the flyer, glancing at it absently. I looked at it again, to verify I wasn't imagining what it said.


1-800-GOD HELP ME
24/7
We never close in Heaven.


I really can't imagine anybody having nothing better to do than to waste precious time printing these up, and distributing them on people's cars. I crumpled the flyer up, tossed it in the back seat, and jumped in my car, heading home. I was half way down the street before I remembered that, late last night, after another huge fight with Joe, I had thought to myself, as I lay in bed, wouldn't it be great if God had a 1-800 number, where we could just call for guidance and help, when we needed it.


Pulling into my driveway, I dismissed the idea as the mere coincidence that it obviously was. I had many more important things to worry about. Odd, but arriving home these days always seemed to make me feel vaguely nauseous.


I had been going through a very hard time at home lately, confrontations with the kids, being teenagers now, a relationship crisis with Joe, financial problems, personal issues, you name it. I knew it was going to be another hellish night, and I wasn't surprised. It was after midnight when I found some time to myself. As so often happened these days, I found myself having another solitary "session." If you have them, you know what I mean. Dazed and exhausted, as I was finally drifting off to sleep, I'm sure the t.v was playing a commercial for 1-800 GOD HELP ME.


The next morning, Joe was already gone when I awoke. I made the kids lunch, and left before they could start irritating me. On my way out the door, I found the note Joe had left for me.

"The game's over. I know what's been going on. Meet me at noon, Ed's bagel emporium, we need to talk."
"Oh, shit," I thought, what a way to start the day.


I had met him through a mutual friend at work. It had started innocently enough. Someone I could really talk to, honestly. Joe and I had been having problems for a long time, and we had not had a physical relationship for far, far, too long. Of course, I was vulnerable. I wasn't used, however, because I had initiated it as much as he had. His name was Mike, and he was beautiful. I had wanted him very badly. I still did.


The same question kept repeating in my mind, over and over, as I did my best to go through the motions at work that morning.
"How the hell did Joe find out?"


The more I thought about it, the angrier and more indignant I became. Joe thought he could back me into a corner, did he? We would see about that. Maybe I would just admit it, tell him I didn't love him anymore, and set the wheels in motion for the divorce we should have had years ago. I pictured Mike's perfect body. I thought of Joe's angry ranting. The choice was easy, and it was so clear.

As the afternoon went on, I found myself thinking of Joe before all of this trouble started, and wondering if we really did have something worth salvaging. I remembered him when the kids were born. He was always such a good father. My morning break was spent deep in thought, with only the radio periodically disturbing my thoughts. Joe's face seemed softer in my mind now, as noon hour neared, and the radio played another advertisement that no longer surprised me.

"1-800-GOD HELP ME, 24/7, we never close in heaven."
Of course not, I thought absurdly, they don't need to go home, they are already there." What?" I jolted awake, as my co-worker shook me, and told me it was time to get back to work.


The noon hour arrived, and I was no closer to knowing what to say to Joe than I had been this morning. I would play it by ear, I thought, as I headed out to Ed's bagel emporium.


Joe was seated, and waiting for me. He looked up, nodded, but did not smile. Why would he? This was not going to be easy. I joined him at the corner table.


As I looked at him more closely, I could see he had been crying. I felt an intense wave of emotional pain flood over me, and at that moment, I wanted to hug him, and tell him everything would be alright from now on. It was shades of the Joe I had known and loved before all this heartache and strife had entered our lives. It brought back so many bittersweet memories.


"How did you find out?", I asked him.

"You just told me." He replied. "until now, I wasn't sure, but I had strong suspicions. I can't say I really blame you. We haven't had anything resembling a relationship for a long time. I really regret that. I really do. I do understand if you think it is over for us, but I do think, after so many years, I deserve honesty from you. Just say the word, and I'm gone."


"Joe, I know it sounds crazy, but today, for the first time in a long time, I really believed there was hope for us. We need help, and we need love and support, but I think we can make it."


The look in his eyes said it all, and then I added, "I know where we can start looking for that guidance. There is a phone call I've been meaning to make, that I have put off far too long. I intend to make it as soon as we get home."

"Who are you going to call?", he asked.


"Joe, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." I laughed, for the first time in I don't know how long, and we left the diner, hand in hand.