Grandpa Get's Caught

GRANDPA GET’S CAUGHT

By: Roger Clearport *


Christmas three years ago was my favorite. My granddaughter Crystal, was five and it was my turn to play Santa. I arrived at my sister’s house Christmas Eve night and snuck the plain-boxed Santa costume past a room full of fidgety, noisy, impatient, children and into an upstairs bedroom.

I got dressed with help from my little brother Andy. Sis whitened my eyebrows and beard with the Santa goo stick and stuffed pillows in my shirt.

Andy suggested that since it was snowing, Santa should make his entrance from outside and he would hide in the bushes and throw snow on Santa’s sack of toys. I said no. I didn’t trust the egg-nog guzzler. “Come on, it’ll look real!” Andy pleaded. Reluctantly, I agreed. I should have known better!

Andy hit me in the chest with a huge snowball that dazed me and went all down my front. He stood there laughing as I went in wet with my flimsy black vinyl shoe coverings loose. I was booming out my best “Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas” when there was a blood curdling scream worthy of inclusion in a “B” horror flick. Crystal had seen my bare tennis shoes and was pointing at them screaming: “Hey everybody that’s not Santa, that’s my grandpa in a cheesy costume.” The other children moved away from her, apparently unwilling to disbelieve on such minimal proof. Before I could continue, Crystal’s mom had to carry her upstairs, still screaming: “That is too my grandpa I know those shoes…”

Afterwards, safe back in the bedroom, I peeled off the suit, tossed the pillows back in place and had scrubbed the goo from my face, when there was a knock at the door. Crystal in a weepy voice asked: “Grandpa are you in there?” I got in bed and faked sleep while Sis let Crystal in saying: “Grandpa was sick he fell asleep…” Crystal ignored her, came to the bed, shook me and demanded: “Tell me the truth grandpa. Were you down in that basement in a cheesy costume pretending to be Santa?” I told her a white Christmas lie: “No baby, I’ve been up here sleeping...” Wide-eyed Crystal exclaimed: “Oh grandpa! You missed him Santa was really here!”

This year is Andy’s turn in the suit and guess who’s praying for snow?

*All names in this story changed to protect the guilty.

© 2002 R.L.K all rights reserved