The Family Reunion

Writer's Cramp:Write a Comedy poem in any style about a Family Reunion.


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The Family Reunion

We brush off our blue jeans and pile in the car

Time for our gathering, and we’ve gotta drive far.

Oversized families are great; so I'm told,

But the people who say that are usually old.

They don’t have to sit in the back seat with Ted,

While he makes faces at cars, pretending he’s dead.

(Yes, I wish it, at times, when his legs always kick,

Or when he starts reading, and always gets carsick.)

Some say a reunion's exciting for all,

Those who've never sat close to a Neanderthal!

My parents are the worst on the long drive to Butte.

They sing all those songs my mom thinks are cute.

My dad likes to test me on facts and unknowns,

And never stops quizzing despite all my moans.

Then when we get there, my ears and brain numb,

I get to meet cousins: all the Toms, Janes and dumbs.

And together we’re supposed to go off and chatter

As if being blood-related is all that mattered.

So I’m stuck in the country with nothing to do

But talk with my cousins who belong in a zoo.

Last year "Dear Cousin Tom" dripped ice cream

All over my outfit in a chocolately stream.

Tanya tripped over my foot, then bawled when she fell.

Uncle Herbie made us stand in a line and spell.

Aunt Harriett will probably make her jello with peas,

While Cousin James does nothing but snort and sneeze.

Fun’s not what I call my family's reunions

As we listen to Grandma talk about bunions,

And someone will say, like they do every year,

“How big you are getting,” as they spit in my ear.

Sammie, my friend, doesn’t have any cousin.

I’d be so happy to give her a dozen!

And when I grow up and don’t have to go

I’ll threaten my kids with the whole sad show.

“Didn’t do your homework?” I’ll say with a glare,

And they’ll return to their rooms just to avoid the affair!




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