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| >> Static Item >> Poetry >> Comedy >> ID #751269 |   |
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Poetry By Committee Who is the Committee? We don't know and if we did, we wouldn't tell! These lines come from an In & Out item called Poetic Insanity. There you can enter the ending of a line of previous poetry (we use the term poetry loosely) and enter the first part of another line, of which someone other than yourself will complete. If you would like to participate in this living poem, please visit the site. Here is the location.
The original of this static form is:
And now...Poetic Insanity...Again Tome II Book I Vermont, where maple trees grow, and the locals put on an annual show where... There are apple-bobbing contests at 100 different levels. If you're gonna participate, prepare to be disheveled… Cos you end up good and reveled - tie askew, mussed hairdo, money blew on too much brew, trying to outdo your nephew on throwing the horse-shoe, and you haven't a clue how you got that tattoo - "I Love Lulu" which you… Tried to burn off with a red-hot frying pan, but only succeeded in giving yourself an artificial tan. You then went to the beauty salon, to... Get hair like Mulan, and dance like a Hahn through the woods of Bubba the Hooligan, so hidy hidy hidy ho, catch a monkey by his big toe, throw 'im in a boat and start to row, run 'im through a Singer and let 'im sew, or throw 'im in the room with Larry, Curly and Moe, wait, this is ridiculous, NEXT... We'll change the rhyme, reflect on the time when horses and knights and damsels delight and they all had swords... Shoved up their...hoards of enemies, conquering the night despite their technologically impaired plight. A draft of ale, a goodly wench, was all they'd need to cover horse-stench. Knights of old, all truth be told, were... Usually left out in the cold, to whimper and beg for just one more keg to drown their... Huh???? Are you joking? They were hoping for a keg just for the sake of drinking and then continuing the battle… Because of the prattle they were a little addled, but do not fear, for a full keg of beer, make that near beer will make the leer and chase... Your blues away, like the smile of a fair maid on a warm sunny day, so here's a toast, raise your glass, and drink to winter, nearly past, and... Try not to think of what just landed in your drink or the fact that hungry hordes are at your back to... Shrink you small, but you weren’t that tall, so gulp it down, act like a clown, face them tomorrow... When the afternoon sun sinks, into the mouth of darkness and never-ending drinks, while the ghoul of... Writing.com happens to join along in the dance from winter to spring, and hey lookie! The ghoul can sing… A song of six pence, catcher in the rye though I'll never know why, or maybe it's because it's a book that took the world by a whirl, so why not take a look, don't be a schnook or you'll... Be forced to cook, alligator stew for old Captain Hook, so... Tome II Book II Kiss Peter pan goodbye, now its Tom Cruise with whom you'll fly… And flying means moving on to the beat of a slow song, like an elegy, mourning for thee... Lover who is far, far away [chorus] FAR AWAY FAR AWAY, mourning for her lover in the… Brig, ah doon the toon, he was arrested for crooning a wee tune under the moon "Oh the moon shines braw 'n' bright oan… The jester's in court attempting to rhyme a song for a dime while the lord and lady dip bread in their wine only to find… Your best friend dancing the polka with the cast of Sesame Street to an erratic beat thanks to the substances slipped in… Your favorite brew while you were at the loo, you begin to coo 'Och aye the noo' and swing your sporran… All over Lew. Who? You know, Lew, the one that's always blue, who rides a pink gnu and who had the flu, don't cha know, that's why he's in the loo, downloading some poo... He grunts and he strains, temples throbbing with veins, releasing a shout "Please God, GET IT OUT!” Then a knock on the door… It's that girl Dinah Shore and she offers you oil to ease your rear toil and then commences to… Go into the kitchen to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich, she goes over to the sink to wash the... The bottle that held the sour milk with a rag of fine silk; that means the bottle won't be clean and the sandwich will never be made… Once you grasped the hourglass and i walked quickly past, I never saw the longing held or the secrets your eyes tell… As tears welled up and cascaded on the floor, regrets of losing the girl next door, who... Told me she loved me no more, for she was leaving me for... Singapore, and tho' I felt sore I still offered to row her to that distant shore, but she'd had a hoolie with a coolie the night before and swore that she nevermore would lower herself to pore o'er the luv pomes wot I… Find yourself feeling glum like the town bum that you're sitting to in the park, sharing a drink and… A shark, mildly cooked in oil that boiled on yesterdays fire, never leaving the mire for desire of better... Fish, like the lady on my dish, and how I wish… For a succulent salmon, or a slice of gammon, or even some ham 'n' eggs on a plate, how long must I wait, for this waiter to… Tome II Book III Sling some hash, succotash with green eggs n' ham stirred up with onions and a mess o' grunion; pass the ketchup please. At ease, here comes the… Seabees, have a plate of peas with bee's knees stuffed with cream cheese; what about it, Louise... I don't know who you're talkin' to, but my name ain't Louise. Were you thinking 'bout an old lover. Oh heck no! Please… No you're not the right Louise, cause she kept honeybees and her skirt was always flapping in the breeze, cause she had fleas! Oh, pulease... I'm not Louise! I know you're tryin' to tease, quit it or be… Squashed like a bug, swept under the rug with a big hairy broom, found in the room with a lock on the door are you begging for more? I have more to say, but can't be today so I'll take a nap... With the cats on this site. Yes, site cats; hey, they know where it's at. They know all inspiration is found in dreams that the naked eye can't see... A naked cat, but a cat in a hat, one that fat; beat him with a bat till he becomes flat, then use him for a mat, or perhaps soak him in a vat till... He drowns in the awful stuff of discarded laboratory stew, or until his brains all over the floor they spew while Prof. Hashbrown... Dresses you down for not being around and leaving the cat in the vat to laugh at... Poor little cat in the hat, wonder what Dr. Seuss would say about that. Then again, i think he's dead, so now what? I know... That the cat is died and that is that, now lets start with dog who hated the cat, the one who wanted to… That the cat is died and that is that, now lets start with dog who hated the cat, the one who wanted to… Make his message known by posting everywhere, twice too many times to bear. But why'd the dog do such a thing when to get rid of the cat, all he'd do is sing... "I Did It My Way", a self absorbed old karaoke tune, guaranteed to empty the room, especially if sung off-key, while... Showering in the shower, and using the bubble bath bottle for a microphone... And trying to think of a way to make your life sour, and then bang from behind... Don’t turn round or you'll find... Ants in your pants, you wiggle and jiggle, and jumped into… A puddle to escape the muddle of the ants in a huddle plotting to Eat all of my peanut butter and banana sandwiches. When all of a sudden, a shadow came across the floor and it was... Just the girl next door, stopping by to borrow a cup of tea, or maybe a cup of... Tome II Book IV Bacardi gold, But when se found out it was sold, she… Rolled around the floor screaming tantrums of old, screaming "Die or give me my Bacardi gold!" Then the chandelier falls... With a deafening sound, to the very ground, glass all around, a sight to astound but the girl next door never was sure so she cried some more then got up and danced... To the sound of the song from Cats, she sang and she dance, she danced on her toes, she accidentally step on the kitty cat toes, Oh now lets not start with another cat, now lets us get back, to the... Cow that jumped over the moon and what will she be there but zooms and… Causes mass confusion since it portrays a chaotic illusion. Take a breath before its death and enjoy the merry ride… That the ferry man has to offer, all the while going through his head, the wise words that the owl with the crooked wing said, "Beware of... Cow that jumps over the moon, as she went up she'll come down soon, onto your head with a loud whoom! And they'll scoop you up in a silver spoon and... Serve you on a china dish, with slices of gefilte fish, lox and bagels sounds real nice, if served with... Banana and peanut sandwiches, of course not forgetting the... Um...female dogs? They often fall in bogs, they sink like logs, and after the party, they all go... Whimpering like the world is ending. That reminds me. If the world ends, will we be around to see… The dancing sun, which has so much fun while the flames… Of Hades rising again, cleansing the stables for the cow that jumped over the moon, so she would not swoon when… Zeus chucks her in, into the river of souls, where the boatman of death (what's his name again?) goes barefoot skiing while... What's her name dives into a mild linted broom, what in the world is a mild linted broom, I don know, now lets go on to the.... Little man whose eating Spam in the back of a car, wishin on stars. His name is Reno, he likes to play Keno with his best friend Mo who plays in the snow and has red and green hair that... He styles with flair. What do you know; you're a drag queen, Mo! But what if... He suddenly found his more feminine side? Would you consider something like that a thing to hide... Tome II Book V Heck no! Unless of course it's that *SOMTHING* one hides. Did i make myself clear?... sheesh, i need a glass of beer... To drink, I hope that I won't get drunk, cuz I go to go to a… Shop that sells junk, there's one up the road, selling chipped bits of Spode, it's run by Miss Kipper, who's... Disturbingly chipper, for one who sells zippers, but... Her humble abode is quite a load since she carries it all in a pack on her back and half of her loot is in her black boots but... It might be stolen by some old coot who’s just after her loot, but watch out, he might be tooting a flute, aw shoot! Watch out below, upon the stage stands a chubby soprano; stand back she's ready to blow! She might solo... So cover your ears! BOOM! Oops, you're eardrums have blown, resulting to a flood of earwax and... Knick knacks and cracker jacks and half-baked hacks in polyester slacks typing bad prose, I suppose, or... Picking their noses, turned up, and high-falooting as they hack, hack, hack away at... The half-exposed back of scurvy-wracked Jack whose lack of knack left him naked, bar the sack he'd packed with bric-a-brac and something he called… Pick a pack... of pickled peppers at that... which he slung over his back then trotted across the snow covered... Car on train tracks, why is there a car on tracks, , he is a crazy man to put tacks on the tracks to get the car to go on the tracks. Now that really didn't make any sense, nothing will never will, so I hope that the car won't hit a train, so that… The train crashes trough the entrance to the Bangor airport, and lands mostly on top of a plane, (everyone knows that "The train in Maine falls mainly on the Plane") but... Some knows the plane in Maine falls mainly on the train, maybe... This inane train from Maine, loaded with Rogaine, fell on the plane because it was driven by Calamity Jane who would twain fill her brain with sniffs of butane and quarts of champagne, feeling no pain would not restrain hitting the plane in Spain... The plane fell like rain and they had to get a crane to haul off all the pieces of it and the train; aggravation would wax and wane as... He broke into song which seemed all wrong because it was 'ding dong, the witch is dead.' he wasn't well bred so it is back to… Crane who brought the pig Babe. Really!! A crane brought Babe, how silly of him but she was a gem and the crane brought her fame as the pretty pink pig who could do the jig with nary a thought of... Tome II Book VI Being flambéed or being slowly cooked over an open flame.. yum yum!.. I love pig flavor gum, really makes your breath hum, so that even your mom is no longer your chum… (She thinks you're pond scum!), but you think you're a winner, eating heaping plates fried pork skins for dinner, until you... Puke.. that ain't good behavior. So slap yourself silly until you behave, unless you want your mom to turn you into a... Pig. Why would she do that, I don't know, When she will do it 12 5 oooo, How she will do, she'll do the bow see bow. How crazy is this woman turning a kid into a pig, maybe she… Is really a man, for only a man could hunger so badly for the taste of meat. Your mom however, may like pickled beets… But they smell like dirty feet, that's why she married your dad, but don't be too sad, someday your feet will smell and then you'll hear the bell, of wedding chimes... Pickle beets, ewww how nasty, how... So very unsweet they taste making the juices rise leading to my demise as I... remember a trip to NYC in which I ran across Times Square swearing at the CEO of MTV… Who's looking down and pointing at me sayin' arrest that dude, I think he's... The one responsible for kidnapping Britney Spears, arrest him now, please! Or at least kick him in the knees, he's over there hiding behind the... Beggar clutching a plastic lollipop. The insanity! Go ahead and... Take the stick and hit his shin. The evil man will never win! So take my hand and... We'll fly like Peter Pan, or like old Ebenezer Scrooge did, back in time to when he was a kid, who... Do you think you are mutha... Mutha? It's hard to read a mind, but if you give me time, we can probe below the line and attempt to find a rhyme... That won't cost you a dime, it'll only take a few... Bits of time, or a whole diamond mine... how's that for a rhyme? So let's dust our pants and... And put ants our pants, and boogie around like we don't have a chance, so… Let's go surfing now, everybody's learning how, come on safari with me, or instead let's take up tai chi, because... Tome II Book VII It's great for the body and mind. Just to get away from the grind of mankind, and unwind. So, do that kung fu, like you do. Hop around like a kangaroo, in a zoo, from outta the blue. Don't let that keeper get you... Down in the dumps. Do those kangaroo jumps! Bet those hands outta that pocket, and spring like a rocket, to Mars or .. Beyond, or jump in a nearby pond, and swim with the frogs, who... Taste like chicken and cause people to be sickened if they're eaten, but considering its origins they don't have to worry… Or dance with a jury and a guy named Murray when chased down the road in an old blue Fury... By a band of insane, drunk skunks. The only one's to save you are the local munks. But the dress like hippies, and the leader's name is Skippy, but he ain't all there in the head... After his girlfriend ran off with a jaded monkey who was handcuffed up to a green jumper wearing giraffe called... Gert, who will give you serious hurt, so be careful you don't flirt, just button up your shirt, hike up your skirt and hit the trail else you might hear the tolling of the bell, for whom? The bell tolls for... Saddam Hussein, who's dead in the brain. He's insane! Over will be his reign, when the American soldiers kick his rear-end. They will apprehend, and make him comprehend that this ain't no joke. Baghdad is up in smoke.... So don't choke; there's Abram's Tanks, and Bradley fighting machines, all congregating to end Hussein's manic dreams; so praise the Lord and past the ammunition, old Saddam's seeing ghostly apparitions brought by a burning Bush... That turned his dreams to mush, no world domination, pinky without a brain, what a strain, as they go down the drain, a toilet flush and we sing... We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of... Existentialism, guided by the light of the prism. From here on out we will see the dark side of reality… And the bright side of insanity. I'd write more, but I've gotta go pee… And how do I know? 'Cause my bladder tells me so and then I shall go without any woe... As I spiral down a dark hole, I've been here before, I know the mole who owns the store, digging through the rich loam of earthworm droppings, grooving to the 50's sound of do-wopping cause he was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater... With a really large headache that he just couldn't take. I tossed him some meds and hoped for the best… But there he was beating on his chest. I was wishing he'd lay down for a rest and I felt this was a kind of a test yet who knew he'd... Tome II Book VIII Digress to a agitated state, one that I really hate for he leaped on the wall, oh about ten feet tall and let go with a cursing speech, and I'd grab him but for my reach. Why, you purcillious nearsighted cantankerous old retch... Why did you steal my peanut and banana sandwich? And with that the disgruntled bunny stormed off slamming the... French window, (aka fenetre), thinking 'Where can I win dough'?, 'Why not have a bet?' said a voice in her ear, which sounded real queer, so she turned and guess what… There was Michael Jackson with a sneer, standing there shedding a tear, cause the King was back eating high on the hog, sanging "You Ain't Nutin' But a Hound Dog," so leave mah baby alone tonight... As I contemplate where I went wrong so I don't repeat singing this breakup song. I hate crying to the point I can’t; I simply want someone to love me… For me, but they are just too blind to see. Won't someone set this heart free? Or will I go on lonely and scared? Should my soul be bared, for this wretched world to observe? Is this what I deserve... As I waited for the answer to my quest, I heard a rapping, gently tapping; was the answer yes. When I looked without my door, there a mouse with darkened glasses stood upon the floor. I’m a blind mouse in this dark house, need I say more... On this subject I have broached? I beg not to be approached. Have I a need to be coached... In the game of life? Truthfully, the game is a strife, as life is nothing but a crapshoot if you really think about it… "Life is hard!" some people whine, but it has it's moments that really shine, so ignore your strife, and as Monty Python says "always look on the bright side of life," because... Else wise you may Eric Idly pine... And Cleese may seek a Holy Grail and both may sing their strife in rhyme. And so, I'll cradle my sadness and keep stiff upper lip as I... With a hop, jump and a skip out the door, along the path to the pub, because I need a drink, but not just any drink, I need a glass of... Wine. To keep my spirits high and make my belly complete, I need the wine from… The man in the dark sunglasses, you know I even heard a rumor that he had two asses, but that's just... Idle chatter, and does it really matter, if his glasses are Oakley Blades, or just some cheap K-Mart shades, for as ZZ Top once said... Pick up your heels and come undone; otherwise, you'll be missing all the fun when our band comes to town and you won't be around… Tome II Book IX The oak tree has a hundred yellow ribbons like in that song... But thats all gone cuz now I'm back, not feeling mellow, what about the fellow who carried a sack whose name was Zack, he had a snack and he had a knack for being slack on the track for... For being a rat, just jump around and clap two times and the big old will be in a sack, Oh my poor Zack, why would someone do that?...maybe... He's a Pole, a Ruskie, or a Czech who’s all bedecked in the garb of an Aztec pumping oil and gas for OPEC. What is that little speck? Why it's Toulouse Lautrec! The redneck? No, the brother of Chiang Kai-Shek the leatherneck... Not to be confused with those who are doozed to believe in the leather-backed crab-face McGruff (not really all THAT tough)... Who runs in the buff cuz he thinks he’s tough but I’ve had enough, we're missing a princess, whose name is Spaz that listens to jazz now I'm going to give up and go get my sup... Hose to smooth my legs, now the size of beer kegs, but first I must read the regs so I don't end up with eggs shipped from Winnipeg; that's Canada, don't ya know, where they get six feet of snow... I don't know if I've been told, or heard it in a tale of old, but... But little, green gumballs with goofy eyes have been known in Canada to fall out of the skies and land right on the... Hood of your car, and when you're driving home from the bar, they'll stare at you and make you think, that you... Didn't have enough to drink, so you turn around and drive back to town where you quaff down more bottles of beer from the wall till there is a dull grey pall hanging over your... Head filled with booze so you try to play pool but know that you’ll lose and a little pink mule is dancing around and the only sound that rings in your head is the call of your bed so you call a cab and the drivers a crab so you lean out the window... And yells, "what the h***!" the cab has a gross smell, but no one could tell that the driver is...(sorry, its too bad that cuss words always seem to rhyme with stuff)... From New York, and he's eating fried pork, dipped in rancid curry sauce, so that is the cause, of the awful... Stench, and didn't that throw a wrench, into your happy little ride? It smells so bad, you'd rather have died, and went to h*ll, wearing bells. Can't he get rid of these smells??... Well, Wells are not for smells. The mellow Rosy turned yellow as she hid low in the... Vastness of the malodorousness of the ride, that seemed to curl the nose hairs and tan his crusty hide. Banging his head against the winder, he fell thru but clung to the fender... Of the '89 Chevy, but his arms felt heavy like lead and uranium crammed in his cranium... Tome II Book X That cerebral terrarium, made his slippery dreams shine with a rancid glow that upset his stomach so that an unholy wind... Came and swept him away, it took him to a place he could not believe his eyes, it was a place of... Hamburgers and fries, and a silly clown was dancing around beneath golden arches that sprang up from the ground, and... Kicking up dust that parches so you order a coke and some seared mutilated animal flesh in a bun, which sounds like fun till you spot the cow behind the counter is packing a gun! and then you spot an udder one! so you start to... Order another one just to see what will happen, when the first cow says he's not wrappin' another bun if it has anything to do with the udder one and... Then and only then do you start to run, which is what you should have done, following the last post but one, but I suppose we’re not a Think Tank and some are as thick as a plank, and I should re-pose wot I done – “you start to... Scribble your worst it won't be the first to fill up your need for a new lead quench your thirst and do the deed... I pull out my gun and tell that fat cow to slap that hamburger on that bun with a side of... Its side so that the side of the hamburger will be pushed to the side of that side which it won't... Be flattened on the side of the sidey thing on the... Far side which is swaying from side to side and (as an aside) I suspect that cow’s pickled in cider inside her cos she’s changing sides like she can’t decide which side she should side... with , or whether to preside over... Chutney and toe jam at the semi-toxic waste convention where they meet and greet and develop nasty, unhealthy concoctions... Of sludge that makes wonderful fudge with pecans embedded in the dark brown, about the color of an old tan hound, with the odor of Half Baked Partial Poetry (ID 644458)try it and get down... Without grinning from ear to ear, and straining too hard to hear the slurpilatingly wonderful sounds which abound in times like... These, with wars and sars and god knows what else! Maybe little green men from mars, that trick our pathfinders with printed landscape so that... You turn left when you should go right, and when the cop stops you he thinks you're tight, but you tell him you've been up all night, in your tent dogging the... Frog farts accompanied by thunderous sounds that imparts a fragrant aroma of misty arts; drawing pictures in mid air, and mother exclaiming "I do declare," while a crusty old man asks, "Can I hold a dollar for you... Tome II Book XI While you bend over to tie your shoe, and get mine too, I dare touch it because i stepped in dog poo while I was walking to... The 7-11, to meet my old rummy bud Steven, and his third cousin from Cleveland, so I ordered a Slurpee and washed off the muck, and saw my friend arrive in a... Pink Cadillac, drinking moonshine, eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches, whistling Dixie to the tune of... The Lady is a Tramp. Then he shifted into gear and hit the entrance ramp as he popped a top and drank a beer. Ignoring the cop, he lowered his ragtop and mooned the lady whose name was Saddy... Spelled Sadie which rhymes with Shady but she's none too slim, she eats bagels, pies and cakes on a whim, she's up to 300, a jolly old hag, drinking hooch out of a paper... Bag wrapped in plastic and sealed in a rubber container so it will keep the flesh eating termites out - that's a no brainer - and her husband who survives only on fried banana legs from Van Goth the painter, oops, there goes my... Spleen, not too clean don't ya say, but its better now than later today, whereas eagles can fly, I can die, for the weasely ears of a big bad... Guy, who looked to the sky and wished that he could fly with the... Vulture, to get some culture, so he could tell a trope from a scope when he talked to the Pope on his cell that was ringing, while the birds kept on... Pinging. But say, haven't you heard, a terrible thing occurred, them Roosians done shot up a spy in the sky, it's called a sputnik. Say, are you a hick, that thing was just a fad, a man-made commie do-dad, besides that was 1958... Or 57, or is that Heinz, gad all these facts boggle the minds, of great men and women of all different mien, with cops shouting, 'better come clean', so they break into song and sing... "Here come da judge, here come da judge" so you better prepare, stripes and numbers you're gonna wear; swing that hammer on the old rock pile, don't eat the cake cause it has the file... Because he was wearing his leather thong, so it won't be too long until he's... ridiculed like a mule and then drenched with fuel, but soon they will learn that not easily will leather burn... When it is wet, nor are you rich when you have debt, so bang on the drum and down a pint of rum that you mixed in the sink, along with the elephants that are pink... But only in your head, cause Fred is dead, and weighted with lead to keep him... On the seabed, where he settled last August, and is now at his soggiest, as fish flutter by... Like a butterfly, or flies in the butter, and the snails will mutter... Tome II Book XII It's not a He it's a she, it's Mrs. de Winter lying down there, taking a breath of the cool sea air, blowing bubbles and... Watching her hair, as it flows out and about, with seahorses in it, and... A walrus with gout / comes hiccupping by, / singing 'the sheep's in the meadow / the cow's in the pie' / while waving its fin / a shark dashes past... Swimming for Quint to have a repast on a leg and an arm while the man screams with glee, shouting to heaven 'why did I ever go to... Chicago in the first place? All I did was fall on my face, right in the middle of McCormick Place... With the Ace of Spades winning this awful race. In the end... The Red Queen shouts,” Off with her head!"... And "off with her legs", the joker begs, "and the rest of her parts" yells the king of... Clubs .. oh all right then, hearts / but don't forget men / diamonds are a girl's best friend / so don't deal her spades or... Aces and eights, ask Billy Boy here what that necessitates, and whatever you do, don't deal from the bottom, you'll get them all pissed like a... Swarm of angry hairpins at half past nine. When all is said and... Said again, she asks,” Do you remember when... We used to sit sipping tonic and gin, counting the angels who danced on a pin, how many were there? I'll never tell, many of them have now gone to... Heligoland / check out your map / it's somewhere near Europe / (Who writes this... Poor sap?) He just sits in her lap, while the floor he'll tap and the cockroaches... Rap "Cumberland Gap, Cumberland Gap, 16 miles on the Cumberland Gap" before taking a crap on... The singing mat, oh what the heck and give a wack to the baby boy who's wearing gap, Now hold on a min what did you say? Oh I... Think it was about the duck in a rut, fleeing from the killer pink poodles. I don't remember... A damn thing after graduation except for the infatuation I felt towards that looking at me with those wicked blue eyes... As he hands you a burger and fries and says "How about a chocolate shake?" It's enough to make your poor heart... Quake with fear that Johanna not near, oops I’m off into another song, there must be something wrong, with my bloody ship today, so toodle-loo, grab a... Poodle or two, a line from Hey Jude'll do, then sing cock-a doodle-doo, where's my .. . Tome II Book XIII Card from Triple A, they'll fix your ship as good as new. And that guy with the wicked two eyes blue, he'll be a poet when the burger gig's through. But you'll have to wait 'till he meets... That fate, so finish your burger, clean your plate. Starving kids in China would die for that swill, even though it might make you quite... Stoned in the end. Wow, those rocks really hurt! Don't make me get my... Cowboy shirt! Why, you I'll rope and tie, put my brand on your thigh. Fatten you up for the market place, cause I ain't never seen a purtier face... Than that fly over there, sitting in his underwear, watching... Old re-runs of Yogi Bear, dreaming of life in Jellystone park, stealing pick-a-nick baskets until it gets... Dark, then off to the den to have a repast to fill up the tummy and make it last while winter rages outside the cave, switch channels now and watch... Those happy days, flit and flutter by in the mirror, never caring why... We cry, we die, or can't seem to fly. I'm starting to think the rhythms in everyone's inputs are the same. Thus we gotta shake it up... Richie and Fonzi never visit his park whether for business or a lark; pass me another jelly sandwich and don't you snitch, Boo Boo cause I smarter than the average bear... Necessities, bear necssities, oh lord i got that wrong, it's 'bare' in that song, crooned by a singer in a thong, who knows not his butt from... His dong, but sing along, it can't go wrong if you'll sing "Wild Thing" with a... Static cling as long as it's not a thong, what we used to call a jockey strap, made of elastic so it does not snap or it might drap that precious cargo down below... The Harvard Mall, and down the hall there's a fall in the process... Because my high school valedic-dic-torian got in a fight with the salutatorian over the rights to my song as I strung them along... And got the words all wrong, but that's no big deal, cause the pigs will squeal when... You twist their cojones, which are made of stone and abalone, then cut off their tails and put them in the mail, send them off to... The Albuquerque Holiday Inn because no one can spell Albuquerque anyway, so... Lets all hit the hay/cause it doesn't matter anyway/when the day is through/and the night... Is being entered rowdily since they took Dylan Thomas' advice since they had nothin' to lose and at the time it seemed nice... To whoop and holler with the rest of those fools stuck in the... Tome II Book XIV Squalor of a giants big belly, where it was awful smelly and... '60's and breaking the rules, singing Make Love Not War, burning their bras, and smoking... Old tires, 'cause they just got fired, and doubt they'll be hired, by any self-respecting moose on the loose in Richmond MASS eating the... Pheasant under glass sprinkled with sassfrass while singing a rousing chours of Granpappy wuz a Confederate but he wore a Union Suit; then went en masse and fell into a crevasse while led by the top brass who was a wise-ass... To the donkey, who ate pickled eggs and M&M's while rolling round in the mud. Hey, that doesn't rhyme, but who needs that? It's just... So full of rhythm / and so full of mirth / the kind they can't take with 'em / when they depart from this earth / so blow your own... Oh my word! Did you hear what I think I heard? That is highly inappropriate, and that shows they are gonna gentle into that good night... So 'Goodnight, Misus Calabash, wherever you are,' who was kilt whilst chasing a falling star in her 1948 Hudson motorcar... Which she bought from Miss Daisy, because she was lazy, and her sight got hazy, and they thought she was crazy, but that's okay anyway... Because some people can't type. Neither can 1948 Hudson motorcars for that matter. What's all the clatter? I was just sitting there, wondering where... Tony Blair // keeps his hair // when he hits the sack // and dreams of... Jeannie in a bottle. Not the Christina Aguilera kind but the one you might find in a ... Pair of super hero underwear, sitting down by the beach with a leach, trying to reach... The end of the line of we don't want to guess as I walk through Harlem and spot Bill Clinton in a polka dotted dress... Trying to find the next Lewinsky, but his wife steps up to pull a buttinski, as the paddy wagon takes the daughter of Jeb, to the slammer for something she put in her... Head; through the lips and over the tongue to blast off on a trip to kingdom come; stars to the left and dark clouds ahead, What was it that judge said? Don't take no pills, red, green or yellow, else you end up in the jailo, the slamer... With a hammer beating its so defeating, Ets start calling home no more to roam, no UFOS to.. Rile things up and send wild hair up everybody's butts except for mine because my knee's far from fine, propped up in an Ace bandage Tome II Book XV Wrapped too tight, so the wild hairs fight to see who gets the bed tonight, and the bedbugs might feel slighted cause the... The dog brought her fleas, and ticks to take over with the greatest of ease, sleep on the floor, sleep on the ceiling, whatever you do, do it with... Meaning, as then the great big mongoose in the sky will... Wisk the lotion by, never asking why he'll try then cry about... Lost opportunities and things that go bump, in the night that is, going over the hump, with curlers in hair and a robe like a frump, hoping to attract one Donald... Duck, who's been driving a truck, or a lorry, by golly, and he ran over Aunt Molly with... A completely pimped Cadillac Escalade which he'd chosen over the Excursion limo for an unknown reason... Which he drove for a season, then traded for a'52 Studebaker picked up a Quaker who cared not which way to go and the old Studie was a perfect mojo, so he stepped on the gas and blasted off... To Tucumcari, Tehachapi and Tonopah, where he thought he'd find himself a squaw, to take home to his Ma, who fed him broccoli raw, and laced with... Strychnine, and he lost all nine, of his toes that is, cause he fell in a mine and started to whine... And Bubba asked, "Would you like some cheese with your whine? Yes, and a gallon of muscadine wine it's so refine to dine in a fine alkaline Caroline mine with an asinine bovine singing Auld Lang Syne to Evangeline, I think I'm gonna whine... Fine! No I won't. Look at my boat. It's... Sinking fast, ran into an iceberg and broke the mast, which means that the entire cast, is into the lifeboats and off with the... Tide, but that's not mean cause we still have Cheer and OxyClean to keep our navy blues spotless, not to mention our shoes; so put your oar in the water and... Row for the shore cause there ain’t no more; wait there’s something on a log, it can’t be a hog, it’s too small. What is that? Why it’s a… Rat. A rat? Who thought of that? Not me of course! It was the hat. Wait a minute. Hats can't talk, they only... Sit on your head when you not in bed; bed! I shot an elephant in my PJ's, how it got there I'll never say! Who said that? Basil! Basil! Yes Sible, you percillous old bat, I'm trying to run a hotel... But Dorian keeps getting in the way. Hey! That's not right. Anyway... What the hay? If you want perfection, try another way, but not today, that's what I say, but it'll be okay because... Tome II Book XVI The scalp pain's back, and what a punch it can pack!Don't believe me? I understand that goes because this scalp pain... Is all on your head, but don't be upset if your hair is wet, it won't do to fret if he plays clarinet, that gives us all a pain (not necessarily of the scalp)... Take your licorice stick out in the rain' or catch the next train to Spain and play the thing there, we prefer dueling tubas to puncture the air, playing Stars and... Bars and getting drunk, whew! I smell a skunk, I think it's in Podunk... Arkansas, home of former President Bill, who is now known as New York Will, writing books and checking the looks of all the sweet young girls with lines like, "Hey big mama can I hold a dollar for ya... Or do you like cigars? Want to hit the bars or ride in my cars? Just don't tell Hill that you were seen with Bill, she's liable to kill... The cigar bill since she's now on Capital Hill; she wants to be president again, she's out beating the band with book and movie deals and a bandwagon with chrome wheels, so look out dubya Miz Clinton is... Taking the village after New York she did pillage, she's running with Martha S who'll be out of Danbury just for the test, but buddy Sam is in the... Island of Aruba stuck in a duel of tubas after escaping the euphoniums that were coming on to him saying things like yum-yum and... Fee-fi-fo-fum, Sam'll do time, and Martha who knows, but Yo, I'd love to see Hilary beat Dubya & Foes. Go, Woman, Go, cause some of us know you are smart, yes, it shows. So, Down with the Dub and rub a... Bear cub, but watch out for Mama or you may suffer trauma and go to ER, but Clooney isn't there, he's looking for his brother... Frank, a bootleger who's a crank, but he laffs all the way to the bank, where he's playing this awful prank, depositing blinis instead of... Bolivars in a bank in Venzuela where a pretty lady named Conzuela works the third window as a tella and in the streets of Caracas the bands play maracas to a Latin beat that ain't too sweet... So they changed to reggae, which made us beggae for someone to break their leggaes, and... After a couple of malts, they played a waltz, while doing somersaults, it was quite a... Feat for Pete to beat (I should delete that line) but it sounds just fine if you've had enough wine... As in ayn swine, the goose drank wine while the monkey played the fiddle on the sweet potato vine; the vine broke the monkey got choked so watch out you bloke or... The wolfman will get you on the Moors, because you're such a bloody bore, you thoughtMoor was playing Othello, but really you were fiddling the cello, smeared with jello to ward off the... Tome II Book XVII Drama Queens! Othello is nice, though he cries once or twice. Oh! With all that hair, he must have lice! Why can't he... Just go away! Shakespeare's cool, and he was no fool, he's read in every school, Mel Gibson as Hamlet made me drool, so don't be cruel, or I'll jump in the pool... Ff sharks and piranhas, to fetch the bananas, now that's a rhyme to brag about, when the cow's on the roof and the pig has his snout, in chocolate brownies like mother used to... Nag about, coz father ate them by the dozen, and didn't share them with his cousin, but his uncle... Buck, that lousy little puck, pilfered a box or two, and ate them till he turned blue, then up-chucked right in the sink, and immediately his color returned to pink, but written all over his dirty face... Were the words to A Summer Place, with pictures of Troy and Sandra doing Gidget, but scrunched up to make her look like a midget, "A shrine" a fan shouted to a very large... Watch. But the watch couldn't talk, couldn't walk, just... Waited patiently as the rabbit looked at it and said, "Goodness, I'm Late!" and he jumped through the gate, as poor Alice... Drank the potion, then danced The Locomotion (sorry that rhyme was a gauche 'un), then suddenly a Cheshire Cat... With big yellow teeth and moist green paws jumped on Alice and tied her... To the lattice, and that to the tracks, where the 5:15 was coming back. Casey Jones at the throttle of that Cannonball, looks like poor Alice will take the... Casey Jones diet track to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat; Off with her head, she's better off dead! It's little Red Riding Hood, whose up to no good cause she let Bubba kiss her cheek, and now smells like possum feet soaked in a moonshine creek... Where the meek like to sneak a peak at the up-coming week. They can't see... The train coming 'round the bend, looks like poor Alice will meet her end. "But wait! Who's that?" you say? Why it's Andy Kaufman here to save the day! He's... Stuck a mic in her face, asks 'what's a nice girl like you doing in this place?'; "Hey big boy, give me a hand, and I'll take you to the... Promised land, you can tweedle my dum, while I tweedle your dee, and if the Mad Hatter sees us, just... Shout with glee, "On Dasher On Dancer, On Prancer, On Hortense, Get those reindeer inside of the new fence, before they start nibbling on my rutabaga," while the band plays some hot reggae, as night... Tome II Book XVIII Creeps up the stairway, and pounces on the Steinway, and Luke plays a flute that is out of tune, like a cartoon... About the moon, but who cares about that? The Mad Hatter's hat looks hot on Dancer. Why can't... You figure out the answer to the puzzle about the singing birds? Or maybe you're better at rhyming words like... conflate and bloviate, and little lambs eat pizza, while watching Leeza on the piazza, now that's a stretch but he's a catcher for the Mets and works for all the tea in Chinatown, there just ain't no finer town, not even a Carolina town, or a miner forty-niner town, now that's enough of .. old Alice Cooper songs, let's sing a song of sixpence, while sitting on a rail fence, thinking about defense of the Tennessee Titans.. you mean the Writing Bitems, or is it citems, ritems or brighams or ginghams, ask Mr. Young he knows the score, 54-0 and not a point more, but what game it is he can't really tell, 'cause he's still in Salt Lake City ringing the temple bell, while the choir sings... Won't You Come Home Bill Bailey cause someone misses you named Gailey, she's a nice little ole lady; how dare you call her shady! It wasn't me, it was Davey the death and tax man what... said that line, toss him into the salty brine, he can't swim to save his life, oh what will we ever tell his trouble and strife, don't mention the dolphin, just say he went golfin, say he's at the first tee .. where you can see the wet spot where he had to pee, Don't tell Happy Gilmore, or he'll charge more just to keep score but... Gilmore said.. whoo hoo.. I"ll take advantage of this old bandage..and elighten the dolphin where to go.. down to the store he said and across the Meijer parking lot, but he doesn't drive, his flippers can't reach the pedals. When... he came back from the war alive, he was awarded many medals, 'cause detecting mines is a dangerous game, they... go off without warning, so I think instead I'll make my name, by inventing a cure for Monday morning, I'll call it .. Poetic Insanity, a game to please your vanity, make up rhymes with abandond, while writing in tandem, with poets from around the globe, now it's your turn to wear the robe, I'll wear the slippers, watch out for my flippers, I cam't seem to... "When darkness falls early, and people rush home to the ones they love... You better take a fool's advice and take care of your own. One day they're here; next day they're gone..." - Don Henley: "New York Minute" Tome II Book XIX Sorry, previous post was in error. That's what I get for having two browsers open at the same time, it doesn't even rhyme... So what do we do now, is it back to the tree, as V. Lake said to March Freddie, that perfect bore, in a film of yore, get us off the floor and start rhyming again, and back to the story of... Moby Dick, now that's sick to have dreams about a white whale, why not just set sail and look for a black... Board and easel too, some pieces of chalk (these'll do), and draw a spouting whale or two, to prompt a whaling tale or two, and tell them to... Draw Big Blue. The whale from Down Under... Who set out to plunder, the seas around Cape Horn, but Ahab blundered, and Ishmael thundered, and that fateful April morn, "Why it's blue not... White, what a fright,especially at night, Let's go fly a kite, then go for a bite... Alright?" So they went, even on lent, to eat fresh meat until there appetite was complete. All kind they devored; fish, pig, chiken covered with flour. They didn't stop until... The wee small hours, then Ishmael said, "Oops, time for my bed", and hopped in his hammock... Which was really a sled, named Rosebud 'cause he liked to raise Kane, a Citizen of the world, taking a train, to Canaan or Westport or someplace real nice, trying to meet Beckham's wife... Who ran off with Brad, which made Jennifer mad cause she thought she'd been had by this blonde little lad... Into his latest fad, which was really sad, for before this he'd been into cross-dressers, and meeting men like Mickey Messer, better know as Mack the Knife, a man just ready to take your Watch and money, so look out honey, it ain't funny, old Macky is whacky... From smoking that funny tabackey he got from that dude who was hawking Dells, (I guess computers isn't all he sells)... He better watch it or he might get busted, and then I won't get that Dell that I lusted, after that it, drooling down my chest, a 386, one of their... Drinks came alive and blinked;i think it was a Midori sour made at the eleventh hour... But it grew a flower of power, and a lot of pot or a tank of crank, or... A barrell of mushroom tea, could make the man pee... Bright green, if he's not got a spleen, he could turn mean... Like a Devil Hostess made with Beefeater gin,tabasco,Worstechire, and garnish of onion... Tome II Book XX After about 10 of those you could fall in the yard, while eating a banana that makes your lips get hard Until you get some lard to put on them, Pard, just play your card or... Pays your money and you sees the show, one to get ready, two to go: it's a strip joint in a basement in Soho, where an overweight heifer is doing a ... Belly dance, (tho in her case it looks more like a custard 'n jelly dance), while over at the bar they're sellin' beers, at a price that... Is always compatible with Cheers. The shade comes over, the sun is hot, you're there to remember whatever you forgot. Was it two for the money and three for the... Grits, stop drinking that swill or you'll have fits, aha you thought I'd used a different rhyme, but lady I don't have the time, as Lee said to Angie in an old flick, so that is what makes him... Tick. But rhyme, time, thyme and lime, some days ya gotta simply go with the... Old miner in search of the gold, or you'll be sorry when you get old, you gotta play the cards you get, or... Read 'em and weep, or go home to bed and get some sleep, for tomorrow is another day, as Scarlett said to ... Pass me some a that sweet p'tater pie, I need a little more fat on my thigh. And fiddle de de, Rhett, I guess I ain't yur pet, so ah'm a leaving, sometimes this evening and I won't be back, you can count on that... Cause Mammy's got the suitcase packed, and I'm gone with the wind... And out the door and you'll have to get another whore, I'm off to find Ashley, I know he's a wimp, but unlike you he's sure not limp, in the head that is and not where you... Left the pickled bananas. Poor Scarlet, that letter sure excites the men. You can't see when... You're reading in the dark, the letter I mean, wonder if it's green? I don't mean to be mean but I think it's obscene... Yo think that this scene is really about beans and turnip greens and movie queens wearing jeans seducing teens... In the back seat of a 57 Chevy, that was driven to the levee, but he couldn't come to sing his song, so he sent Tiny Tim who didn't belong, because he was of another world, where seldom is... Heard a discouraging word; now that's discouraging! Is there any who are sane, not standing in the rain and singing that old refrain of dogs, pick-up trucks and trains; What do you mean Pinky and the Brain... Have suddenly gone sane, started their career again, this time as blues singers, but they were dead ringers for the Pong Pingers so... Tome II Book XXI They can't be singers. They don't have stingers. That doesn't work at all. Brain was a swinger, he liked purple... People eaters, but he found out they all were cheaters. So he ran away, to the place where... Hay is grown, a golden field that would soon yield, grain, if the rain did... Not wash it all out, which without a doubt would decrease the supply of... Pop Tarts, that the King of Hearts, tried to start as a fad, but the food police told him to cease, oh wasn't that so sad, so instead he pushed... Rice cakes that flaked, but no baking was required, so there were less fires in the kitchens of Squires and the... Temporary hires who enjoyed a mug of Frosty Root Beer, though it did seem a little queer, that the hires never tires of Frost Root Beer, why not Hires before they retire to... Bed, in the shed, where the tools hang high, out of reach, so they beseech, someone to... Paint you blue when you're down with the flu or West Nile, whatever's worth your while. I recommend bitters with club so your stomach won't flub... Or Sterno & Seven can send you to heaven, just don't light a match near your lips, to make it less sweet, stamp with your feet, on limes to squeeze out the pips, then swallow... It down, with a smile not a frown, you may look like a clown when that feeling... You get just makes you want to fret, but you try to hide it because of pride, for no one must ever... Abide by the rules of the slide. He'll hide, but... You'll never see him sweat, no matter what the threat, that is how he is in Debrett's, list of the rich and... Famous, much like Amos, cookies that crunch, makes me wanna much, grab me a bag.... Off the shelf, eat 'em all by myself, get fat as a hog waiting for slaughter, that's what I get for doing what I not oughter, but I love them Chocolate... Covered ants unless someone throws them in my pants, because when they melt, there will be some serious stains... On my jeans, wouldn't that mean, cuz folks would snicker at the stain on my knickers, then I'd just have to... Wear that plaid skirt, but it doesn't match my green shirt. That just won't do! And there's a rock in my shoe. I can't... Get no satisfaction, too many distractions and attractions, calling my attention, too many to... Name, but who's to blame, he never came and I'll never be the same, with all my fame and... Tome II Book XXII Money, not to mention my jars of honey, a treat for a kid or even a bear, but it has no idea what to wear, 'bring a bib and some baby wipes, in case you get the goo all over your... Neighbor's millions dollar vases, creating a thousand court cases! The dog's been unleashed, he likes... To scratch his fleas, and those collars don't help, the dog is covered in whelps, and he yelps because no one will... Helps (?), but enough of this crap, just close the flap, and cover it up with a coffee cup... Full of tea, with a touch of honey, straight from the bees, just fills me with... Joy and let my mind wander into the ocean of... Beer, swimming in the vats, seeing no rats, having a good time, hey where's the wine? and the peanuts too, yeah I'm talking to... Know why, but suddenly have this urge, my that's the strangest word I've ever heard, suppose I merge it with byrd so there is an urgebyrd, is that not absurb? Or I could merge it with... A little bit of this and a tiny bit of that, then throw it in my hat... It's getting really threadbare, oh now I've left my head bare, and that urgebyrd's coming back, to drop something on my... Plate, a guano scone for dipping, or is it day tripping, well frankly I can't give a flipping, damn my dear, so I'll carry you down the stairs and put you in a... Glass case for showing, you off like a prize, your jewel tone eyes, are priceless art, with which I could never... Part, unless, well maybe if you count the wombats who roost on our chimney eating field rats roasted on metal grates with palm dates... And macadamia nuts, toasted brown, covered in lots, of chocolate. In town I saw, a giant claw, coming straight towards me, and so I... Mixed with crumbled slate, which tastes just stupendous, tremendous, and fine, washed down with a glass of wine, fermented from pigeon pee, for seven years in the... Free, wide open fields, that do not yield, much more than weeds, but no worries, because... I convinced I'm seeing the same thing again and again. I'm wondering if this vicious cycle will ever end... But it's all in my head, the dread, the burning bed, doused in red, flames that sparked, scorched wood dark, burned all night, what a.... Sight, Is this dress too tight? I mean can you see what I see when I see the sea, or is the sea what you see... Tome II Book XXIII In my eyes, don't tell me lies. Go get me some fries, and some lemon pies, make sure there's no.... Lemon rind, cause I always find, when I eat that stuff, I feel kinda rough, like once last week ... I had to imbibe, Bismol to calm the insides, then I had a better idea-er, brass tacks would make the intestines clear, and take with them unneeded things, like stomach lining and ... Did you know cows 2? stomach's you fool, they like to chew, and they "moo", and if you, would like i could.... Scream, Warp speed, Mr. Sulu, we're after Kahn. He's abducted the lovely Jessica Hahn. Spock is scanning, and he's ranting, The captain thinks I'm great, I scan for alien ships, but he doesn't know I put red stuff on my lips... Which means you are eating pistachios, you must be one of the aficionados, who harvest them after the tornadoes, caught you, you desperado, alien ships a likely... Suspect, shooting at Klingons, B'Lanna's got her game on, Captain's in an uproar, over the replicator, that is... Going crazy because of the Jell-O sliders being passed around on the Enterprise, and those with no alcoholic tolerance are goin' crazy... Looking for cash to buy their wives something nice to look at while they're passed out down at Dilly's.... Bar & grill, where they lay still, full of swill, and there's a blue jay who flew all the way from... Arizona, or was that California, none the matter, hear the patter, of wings in flight, oh what a.... Granfalloon, but what did you expect, when chasing the wampeter that you did not select, follow your karass as Bokonnon says, and you'll end up in a... Crevasse on the peon peninsula a few miles south of Pensacola somewhere south of Hispanola where the gauchos use a bola to rake in payola from a lass called Mazola... Who is busy shucking corn, to eat while making porn, to send to email inboxes, with titles like 'watch the foxes', never mind the poor grammar, wadya expect from... An English flunky, better than being a junkie, unless the addiction is writing bad poetry...Oh! What a tree! Did you see that... Flunky rhymed with junkie, bunky? or were you listening to Ravel, while you contemplated your na-vel, oh brother that was bad, waddya want from a stupid lad, who spins... Cobwebs for a hobby, in the lobby, of fancy hotels, that reek of bad smells, race through the halls, be careful not to... Hand me the Tabasco sauce and do the Macarena, because that's the way you lure in the male belly dancers... Tome II Book XXIV With diamonds in their navels, bells on their toes that jangel. And there's something else that you should know... The farmer's in the dell, giving the chickens hell, so the cow cast a spell, after the hay was baled, making the farmer... Glad, but his wife was sad, cause the three blind mice got caught in a vice and could eat nothing but... Lice, but they soon become food, for the cat in the hat, in a good mood, for he'd soon be fat, with delicious mice, and more so.... He ordered a drink, from the kitchen sink, where they only served tap water, "I want something stronger, so I can eat a little longer," so they gave him what they ought-er, which was... A bloody Mary, which was pretty scary, throwing him in a rage, like a puppet on a stage, controlled by the liquor, slowly becoming... Slicker, like Willie the Prez, or was it Sutton, who pushed the wrong button, and ended in the stir, for many a yer, till he broke out one night and gave Philly a fright, he loved the banks, because they had... Money, and money gets the honeys, so like white on rice, they came not thinking twice, short girls and tall, come one come.... All to the land of opportunity, we have no humility, but tons of nobility, won't you have a cup of... Auld lang syne, or is it tequila, that will make you really feel-ya, insides rotting out in the basin, oh this looks like a job for a mason, or plumber or jack of all trades, she'll come in and make ten Back and forth, up and down, slobbering all over your crown, white and foamy blessed be those are the shiniest teeth I ever did see... Before I went blind because they were so bright. I recommend shields like the ones astronauts use... In those little carts they have that they ride on the moon and play golf with aliens wearing High heels and bobby socks, they like 80's rock, like Duran Duran and Cyndi Lauper, can't get enough of the song "She-Bop"er, isn't that the strangest thing, aliens with... A taste for music? Welcome to Earth, you can have a new birth, just fight in the war and become a citizen poor... Obediently follow the pack and never look back, stay on the track and there'll be very little you'll lack, unless... Tou decide to be it all on the track, from whence you will come away poor and not liked by the community of... Rich socialites, anything but polite, snobby and vain, oh what a... Tome II Book XXV Pain to be snubbed by Claus, whose busy jabbing his spouse, with things he should not use, the outlook's not sunny, for his dear honey, but Bulow's got nothing to... Do for fun, he forgot to run, and Attila the Hun is on his buns... He has a tommy gun, he shot the flying nun, now he's on the ski run going down the slopes with dashed hopes for the melting snow has turned to slush and the dogs can't mush. Oh where is the Jamaican bobsled team... They're up the slope getting up steam, for when you need them, to provide comic relief, or hand the solicitor a brief, to sue for slander or pandering lies, to FoxNews which never takes byes, on doubtful... Spins made to legitimize dreary and teary, scary and contrary info bits and tantalizing fits thrown into your... Face from imbedded flaks in rummy's pocket, with umbilicals connected to a socket, in the office of the veep, who's running down critics with his jeep, ah well, it's just a day in the life, of modern man who is used to... Much strife. But hark, with a blast, comes a thought from my past. How did I cope when there wasn't much hope? The answer is looming... In the dark mysteries of space, where the Starr.r Wars ace is blasting droids flying X-wings putting dings in the Saturn rings; say, there's Princess Lala and 3CPO, do you think they will go to... Jupiter's moons, strapping cardboard to their arms and flying away; they'll say their birds and their song goes... Boop Boop bodda bodda boop. They are a weird sort of group, but their chefs make wonderful... Jabba the Hut soup! I hear it is fattening, full of rats it is, and other delicacies like money brains and fleas, don't worry about the taste, it's just... Like chicken, or so they say, everything's like chicken in its own way, but it has no trans-fats or other bad things, makes Frank rise from his grave and sing ring-a-ding-ding, to Sammy and Dean and the rest of the... Ratters, but now that they're dead none of this matters, 'cause you've been in a coma for 28 days, but when you wake up, you ... Scream, want to go back to your dream, because it did seem so real that... Bump on your head, it makes you feel like you must have been dead, but dead men don't blink or hold back sweat, and they don't respond to a mobster's threat, like that of Louie standing next to you, who croaks... Like a toad, and does a great act on the road, right before the eighteen wheeler goes, goes over his nose... *squish* road kill... would anyone... The swill, that i just created into a delicious meal? Here have some soda, and watch while i impersonate Yoda, and if that isn't enough, i can also... Tome II Book XXVI Tap dance, just give me a chance, I'll rock your world, if you'll... Take out your light saber and battle with me, I'll kick your arse silly, just wait and see... but how did star wars we get to be... It happened long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, filled with cute furry creatures, Oh the silly things they would say! Like... ooo eeee oooo ah ah, ting tang but that's another song, how did they ever get it wrong, must have been puffing too much on the bong, or wearing the wrong thong, so try the words again, like... Supercalfradgalisticexpialadocious! even though the sound of it is something quite... Bodacious, but na-na-na-nah, na na na nah, hey hey hey, goodbye, now that is hellacious, but let's be gracious and say goodnight Gracie to... All this singing, because it's got my ears ringing, and I'll need strong drink, just to be able to think, in normal words and not songs again, so take it away.... Cos i hate songs that are happy and gay. But worry not, you'll wake and it was all just a dream, like the time you ripped open your amazing new spleen while... Running around in stockings and nothing but that, teasing the crocodile and throwing grapes at his hat. Ooo, I've got a book, the little girl screamed, jumping... Up to take a look, but her stocking caught on a nail and falling she broke her tail; she's really a Rhesus monkey, destined to be the captain's flunky, so grab that broom... And sweep the room, and never mind the Donkey. She polished the knob on the door, the Donkey just pooped on the floor, with your mop and your pail.. Although you will wail, you will have to clean, just like a bad dream, but things aren't what they seem, in this... Crazy, far-out scheme, especially when bad poets are on the scene and. . . Trying to fit the theme of these extreme pyramid schemes created by regimes of blaspheming tag teams who create bad scenes... Oh my, you don't think too much of our talents, you only want us to rhyme that which is salient, and make sure our meter meets metric standards, or else have us hauled up the lanyards, so we will try... Emulate the great mustached one, writer of rhymes and puns, but when all is said and done, we'll say hallelujah hot dam cause we're as happy as a clam... Or a mussel, ain't that a tussle! But for the shrimp there's a tiny pimp with a little gimp, but, hey, here's the joke: Pepsi won over coke... Except in Headlines where Coke grabs the front page for a school funding deal that for some reason is all the rage.... Tome II Book XXVII In Chicago and Paris, where the long breads all scare us, and coke comes in more flavors than is know by your neighbors.. And also Berlin, where the bread's not so thin; though in London the coke's only drunk by one bloke, while over in Moscow .. Boris drinks vodka and kvass, which will knock him right on his ass, no wonder he's not ruler anymore, the voters showed him the door, who wants a souse running your country, better a... Pig in a poke, or a poke of a pig, or a parsley sprig and a fig, think I'll stop babbling and doPa jig with... My guinea pig. Though he seldom is up for dancing. But when i light the candles and put on the music i can see his thoughts turn to... Eric, the Red that is, that Norseman from Oslo, who danced the funky chicken just so-so, but he looked so good on the prow of his ship, calling Odin to come and smite the... Baron of Islip, who spoke quite loud because he was proud of the big mushroom cloud surrounding the... Crowd, who attempted to flee but as you can see, they soon realized they were all vaporized, so let's all drink a toast to... Sanity and vanity, and little lambs eat ivy, and an extra one to Junior Spivey, who plays cat of nine tails, on the diamond where he fails, 7 of 10 tries, under cloudy and sunny skies, and raise a further toast to Chiang Kai Shek, who... Wrote that song, oh how the heck, does the darn thing go now? Oh yes, I know now, 'Nothing could be finer Than to be in mainland China in the maw .. aw.. awnin (Or words to that effect) while Mao Tse Dung .. Was long of tongue and talked from Shanghi to Beijing about starting a franchise called Chung King where he served Pepsi with Peking Duck to Oriental schmucks... Who knew no better, but followed the letter of the ancient Confucian code, they clapped their hands and clicked their heels and found they'd become a toad, to be put in the... Witches cauldron, without a pardon, doomed to boil, his fun was spoiled, hop hop away, try to escape, meet up with famous toads, bud-weis-er you know, maybe they can help... With a new recipe, one that combined garlic and parsley in a bouillon base that tasted like wallpaper paste served up on mama's homemade biscuits that cause epileptic fits and St. Vitas dance... With hair loss as an added attraction, except on the soles of the feet, which makes a distraction, but cut the recipe down to a fraction, and it tastes like pesto and gives no reaction, serve it on a bed of... Nails, never fails, goes well with snails and fins of whales, though I have heard tales .. Tome II Book XXVIII Of ghost in the night, told by eerie firelight, filled with suspense and horror so great, makes your eyes wide and your knees.... Turn to jelly, you fall on your belly and crawl around on the ground for only a pound of ground round, but... Then there was captain moustache who's nose hair grew so long it collected trash, with root beer floats his frame did bloat till he was put on a diet of milk from a nanny goat... But he was intolerant of lactose, so on the 9th day he rose, out of his sickbed, to where he was dead, embalmed with wax, on the 'stache, so relax, and get back to real poetry, tweedle-di... And tweedle dum, one played the fiddle, the other played the drum, one loved his daddy, the other loved his .. Waxed up lip hair till he confused the wax with nair! Oh it's gone he wailed, and now my lip is pale! But why should I rail, when this sheepdog has lots at the tip of his tail, no matter that it's blue, just a little glue... Will do the trick. Make him fetch my walking stick! My shoes too, which ones shall I pick? The blue? The purple? Or perhaps those... Old fashioned wing tips from days gone by, Oh, the way they used to make my feet fly... High in the sky, like Icarus of old, who... Flew near the moon, singing a tune and reading a rune, from Mapquest that sent him on another run, toward the sun, which toasted his buns, and took his wings so now he sings... Of a different day, long passed in Jericho where I spent time with my friend, Rousseau and we passed the time with a gallon of dry wine singing bad tear jerker songs lamenting the absence of a lady and there I left him kneed deep in tears... Like a baby, mumbling often of Jericho Annie, who left poor Rousseau flat on his fanny, so flat that he jumped in his time machine (Sammy) and warped to the year when his Mom met his Daddy, and they all went to deli for cheeses with hammy... And they meet Pammy, talked about movies and Nelly until a nice girl named... Smelly, who had a tattoo of a fish on her belly, revealed the name of her favorite deli, which was pb and jelly... That stuck to the roof of her sensuous mouth, and made me suggest that she head south, where people weren't as uncouth, what do you mean it is prounched cooth, like tooth or ... Who thed thet? Musth have been that wascally wabbit, or a dweadful puddi-tat, or maybe a cat in hat eating green eggs and ham with the enigmatic Sam I Am or was that Down-Town-Brown... What's all this static? I wake to find such ridiculous rhyme, it clutters my mind, but what the heck it's summertime and those who can play, always own the day, except when confronted... With bears that grunted, and been shunted to a side track, where it's open season, and you need no reason, to take a pot shot at ... Tome II Book XXIX Geese in season, like pepper or oregano, especially on pepperoni pizza, with pizza, you never need a reason for pleasin... Or for greasin' the rail that'll stop a train and put the old engineer in a strain; maybe it's Butch and Sundance coming on a horse that'll prance, take out a six-shooter and rob the gold like Robin Hood in days of old... Except when it's cold, cause you're not that bold to have and to hold til your hands are ready to fold... And Little John needs to go to the loo, so Friar Tuck goes too, and so do you; then one of life's sights, is those 3 pairs of green tights, hung over the wall .. To dry, don't ask me why, I don't really care but they are still there... And it's not funny being green, it's a color that hits my spleen, can't stand it, I prefer yellow, but it's hard to hide if not mellow, in Sherwood, Hyde or Central, any park you may name, when writing this stuff in your quest for... Fair game,(not fortune and fame as that would be lame),not to steal from the rich and give to the poor, but to play me some Risk or perhaps Scrabble or... A game of chess would be fine, perhaps with a glass of red wine, after which we could all dine, on lobster and steak combined, cooked over charcoal.. And lime, which would not be, eaten by me. Let's give it to Mikey, because he... Needs to Pee. He'll then eat the suft/turf and we can all say "Hey Mikey - he likes it!" in a commercial sort of way... but we want Lady Bee to stay, so perhaps a little soup and salad entree would entice her to flutter back our way, and maybe she'll bring.. Chef Boyardee, with spaghetti and meatballs for you and for me, or Aunt Bea herself, with Andy and Barney... Shazam! That goat just ate a bait a dynamite! Put out the lamp, turn out the light! Don't be a dummkoph, one spark and that goat will go off! Ka-Bloowie! Good bye earth and hello eternity... And Brutus, et tu, and a Happy Bastille Day to you and you; e pluribus unum to friends far and near, all joyous Christmas and a Happy New Year, Io Saturnalia, to Caesar and Cassius, lift a ... Toil to your shoulder, keep at it forever or at least till your older, make money don't spend it and pay your taxes, if someone will listen you can grind your... Axes, send your complaints via email or faxes, call the law and demand your rights, ask for a recount and give them a fight, call a lawyer in the night so he can... Help you with your legal plight, or simply jump bail, and set sail, for the South Seas, where men talk like pirates with phrases like these... Tome II Book XXX "15 birds on a dead man's chest, yo ho ho and some food for the kids, a heart or liver will be the best, but an eyeball will make them rabid," they sing as they swizzle their delicious mai tai's, and praise the bartender up to the ... Drizzle of hurricanes twirling off the Caribbean waves curling, while cyberspace keeps hurling our infectious... Rhythms and rhymes, to other planets in other times, who receive this little In & Out, and translate it to see what Earth's all about, so beware .. Of WMD's and little old ladies wearing BVD's who run around the room and stop to show you the moon, doing their bit for the cause... That believes in Santa Claus, and bumps in the night, that give a fright, so lay on MacDuff, if you're so tuff, let's see whose head wears the crown, of the fiercest guy in... Chinatown, where lomain is, as lomain does, and chinamen release the doves, and chinawomen must wear gloves, for fear of their infected loves... And SARS is on the decline, it was no friend of mine, so lay it on the line, I'm doing fine... Come rain or shine, picking fruit off the vine, while drinking cheap red wine, as I... Rewind, then decline, accepting cheap red imitation Pepsi instead. I wander off in search of a bed, and find only... Roses, roses red, with petals floating above my head, like Kevin Spacey dreaming of beauty, only he ended up doing coffin duty, what the heck was the name of that movie... "A name by any other would smell as sweet," says Ruby. But today is named Friday, and for many it's called payday. So the piper gets paid and the groceries are made, and kids will obey because soon school will call... Them back, get them on track, teaching about nouns and verbs with rules slightly absurd, like is it who or whom and do elephant farts really go WHOOM! They'll go to class and hope to pass trying to remember is it i before e after c or the other way... Round, while waiting for fat man to come down in a bound, dressed in all fur from his head to his foot, he pissed off PETA and lovers of soot, they made him strip out of his suit, leaving him nekkid except for his... Beard, which grew long enough, just to cover his *cough*, so back to the class, where the teacher's an .. Lofty pursuits, which serve him far better than any fur or leather. But it's much to hot for furry adorn keep the bikinis and g-strings handy til they're replaced and not worn. When winter comes calling... Rhyme is the thing and I've got mine, so I'll give it to you and we'll have a good time, why to deemac and RubyRed post at the same time? shouldn't there be a writers.com fine...? 50 lashes with a wet noodle, or have them donate a Gift Point boodle, for rhyming when they should have read, the rules or stayed home in bed, but they are first time... Tome II Book XXXI Double posters, so we will not require the lash, that might be considered rash, instead the rack? a bed of nails? perhaps we make them wear cat tails, no! GPs, thats the answer friend, to you and me, how about 10? GP's would be fine, no bed or rack combined, could describe the torture disbursed. Is everyone here cursed? I think we can salvage... Something from the valve age, that was before transistors, when the Andrews Sisters, were singing in tune .. And Ralph Kramden sent Alice to the moon, and bobby soxers were in bloom, and my Mothers Mom sent her to her room, to think about the baby boom... And Swing was the thing that don't mean a thing, or sing along with Bing, no not the cherry, he was very.. White and merry, had that bbbbang that please so many, had a grandaughter named Tasha Yar, who never learned to drive a car, but up in space she went real far, till she was killed by big black tar... My oh my, we've gone too far It's Saturday now and the week will soon end But before it does, how many offend With biting wit and tarting tease No one to impress, no one to please None of us can see the others Granting a license to... Selection and then u will have a pie at your face and me as the winner of this race... The race is on, the pie is apple, I live for this here poetry raffle, I sit here gulping peach tea Snapple and wait for rhymes that will bedazzle... Comfuddle and confuse. Each post advances closer to the refuse. I'll sip your Snapple and add some wine, in search of prose worthy to rhyme. So, Scott, pour the toast.... After it's been blended, cause dry or burnt toast ain't so splendid, after blending pour the batter, make toast pancakes instead of Spam, then you're back to where you began, now butter the toast and sit by a fan... And watch a poet resurrect a funny man Hardwired and inbred with comedic response, to share a laugh... And play the ham, with cheese if possible on that sub, or hoagie if from Philly bub,but enough about food or I might eat, I'd rather face my sure defeat, than cheese and meat in this here heat... That toasts and bakes this poetry. If bad rhymes were dimes we could feed a small country. And whom would we feed, anyway? The... Consumers of bad rhyme? They're around here all the time, coming in and going out, leaving masterpieces with names like trout, fills a true poet like me with self-doubt... This poetic slaughter is unfit for any daughter, or son of grand notion, so let's continue this commotion, out of respect for... Tome II Book XXXII The dead lets bake some bread, and pile it on a rusty sled, we'll trek down to the old South Pole, singing songs of... A hurting soul, like "Way down yonder in the land of cotton where women are fast and men are rotten; I lost my true love and ran out of luck when she was runned over by an old Chevrolet pickup driven by my dog Duke... Who learned to drive by a fluke. It seems he was a mite jealous and a slight overzealous, hangin' his head out the window like a... Dog that wasn't sober, man, till he got pulled over by a police Doberman, he claimed his water had been spiked by some old Great Dane, and then he hiccupped and asked the Doberman if his name was Dwain, well next thing you know .. Out came Boss Hogg, rising like Phoenix out of the bog, He be looking for Daisy but his mind's in a fog, thinks driving as easy as falling off a log, Daisy she jiggles like... Strawberry Jell-O and flirts with any fellow who doesn't wear shoes and does whatever he chooses, in a town... Without pity, like River City, where they got trouble my friend, and thats not pretty, with a capital P and that rhymes with me and that stands for fool... You're nobody's fool, Mr. T would agree, but his gold chains are all tarnished, and his head varnished... He's cool, he's Mr. T which stands for Tool; he's no fool, he graduated from night school; he can handle a cue like very few, pocket the 9 ball in the corner and pull out the cash like Little Jack Horner; we got a problem that rhymes with... Ruby, and you know that means paying a duty, on use of a handle coming into the country, or making a candle out of frozen desert, or wearing an eggplant for a shirt... Or speaking in tongues, or a foreign language, like English which is like making a sausage, throw the words into the giant mixer, and if it breaks down Winds will fix-er, eggplant, hortense, or Daisy Duke, I'm fixated on her so I give a... Rebuke, to those who would badmouth my pretty young cuke, for cucumbers come and cucumbers go, but eggplants can hardly survive in the snow, so... Show me some money, show me the cash, where do you hide your private stash; the cucumber and eggplant I plant side by side and grew vine we called Clyde and grapes it grew to make the wine, too bad it tasted like formaldehyde... Made you feel like you're some kind of Jeckle and Hyde, but at least it tastes better than extra strength Tide, that stuff will give you a spin cycle ride, a ride that poor Clyde will not likely survive... But Bonnie, being a lady, will emerge from the rinse cycle, squeaky clean and quite alive. Liquid soap can be... Quite a purgative, or do I mean the word laxative, Metamucil, Fibercon and ex-lax, just the thing for that young battle-ax, but get the poem out of the bathroom, let Bonnie hear the voice of... Tome II Book XXXIII Doom, as the mother-in-law enters the room, why did you? why don't you? you shouldn't have! she says, but our lovely Lass lets this go over her head, you're just great Mom we all hear her say, but the... Neighbors know better, 'cause they wrote a letter to dish all the dirt in the life of that skirt, so now she.. Is really feeling sick, 'cause she's caught with her trick, in a room on 87, where she partied til eleven, pulled in nekkid with her john, when she charged him to stay 'til dawn, and she's spent her fee on... A doctor with a PHD in psychology, to fix her head before she ended up dead by the john she laid.... But she never got paid, so now the shrink is after her for her money, while the john still wants her for her honey, and the pimp mans comin after her too, so she calls to the air, Gazoo! Gazoo! and he pops in on her with Fred and Barney too... Gadzoo, gadzocks are you called nekid if you wear socks; nekid you are, nekid you be, but you ain't buck nekid till you are free, from all your clothing and dress, so if you want to lose your clothing just cheat the IRS... 'Cause they'll come after you until you confess. But April 15th is too far away for us to think about that bill to pay, so think about Halloween now.. Go grab a mask and learn to howl, like Thurston did upon that isle, where professors build radios and fans, but boats? Afraid he's not your man, we could perhaps ask MaryAnne... A sharp little cookie with a bod to match, and she t'weren't no rookie recently hatched and the perfesser with his head in a book, should have taken the time to look... For Ginger fair and tall, cutting coconuts so they'd fall, right into Gilligan's soup, see him there wearing a toupee, "No David, that's 'toque' my good man, that tall white hat on top of his... Tan, keeping the sunshine out of his eyes, telling the girls his pretty white lies, demanding a coke with that burger and fries, when what 'fore his caffeine laden eyes did appear, but the Dallas cheeries giving a cheer... For the Captain, remember his name? I'm sure somehow it will be Gilligan that's to blame. There's big ole apes, magicians in magic capes, movie makers, astronauts, scientists and beach bums, but the question is where did they come from... From the fortress on high, where the witch in the sky, is conjuring up a spell, to fix Dorothy Jean, for acting mean, to her sister the witch from hell, aka as the witch of the east, with a face like that, she was a... Beast, aka the creature from the black lagoon, I hope she will return there soon, aka that Wolfman Jack, you know he ain't a comin back, aka a befuddled yak because that word can rhyme with back... I love to hear ole Wolfman J, that was in a finer day, still had twin towers and so much more, now we just endure the crap... Tome II Book XXXIV It's such a vicious trap, so break free from the cage, and jump up on the stage! "The Play's the thing," it's been said, but I'd rather... Let loose the dogs of war because revenge is a dish best served cold, and when life's play is at the half I know I'm far from old... Because my better half is still standing and that's the side that reeks understanding, so look out.. I'm off to see the world, into the breach I'm hurled, sing a song of six pence, a curtain and a rod, snug as a bug in a rug and peas in a pod... And your ducks in a row, fed Miracle Grow, and leaches on the beaches, throw me a clone, I'm all alone… Eating abalone while sucking on a bone, to grab all the marrow, from streets broad and narrow, singing cockles and muscles, what a wonderful feeling I'm happy again, I… Jump and I spin on the wings of the wind through the darkness of night, I find such delight but I know it's not right and I now must alight or... Suffer the plight of the coming of light, when darkness recedes and the world is so bright, I'm deafened by white and the blue is sublime, I'm struck by the thought that I might spend more time... Alone in my mind, where perhaps I might find, a stranger is lurking, while doing some jerking inside my head, while... My mind revolves and my spirit resolves to loose itself from corny rhymes of olden times and lemons & limes... So into the breach I ride far beyond my reach, till my hand wraps around a cold clammy hand and I pull it free from the sand, while still it hold to the vine and produces fine white wine to drink til... I can no longer rhyme, yet in my mind my rhymes are fine, It jussss takesss longer to leeeet them out, I wisssh to sssleep and yet I shout, More wine - More wine, this wine is MINE! and you must... Bet that if you don't stop that whine, you will not taste the wine from the vine, not even the slightest twist of lime, am i making myself clear with this silly trash rhyme? I'd better go back to my bed, into it's cozy confines and... Comfy duvet, a place to feel groovy .. but hark! my good fellow, that noise from your pillow, from there underneath?, Oh it's only my teeth, chattering away, about the cares of the day, and what tomorrow may bring .. Aagain with today and again with tomorrow,my brain is still thrashing from yesterdays query,when will it end with the calendar stuff,my brain is so weary I want to... Contemplate my navel, put my head in the sand, and wait for Sousa to strike up the band, I hear he plays a mean kazoo, accompanying Frank down at the zoo, singing ballads and upbeats six to the… Tome II Book XXXV Score, while barely concealing my glee for somemore, I remained silent and still, the feat was arduous indeed, for love of the melody, grew quickly from song's… Songs blue, I just stepped in dog doo; song song blue and I think it's brand new; and the odor grows sniffing up my nose, why didn't I wear my tenny shoes... Rose? he asked as he thought this thing thoroughly through,what's a bloke without his tenny shoes do?He certainly can't play his tenny with you,song sung so blue... But he can play mah jong, horseshoes or cricket, hey that last may be just the ticket, no tickee no laundry say old Charley Chan, with his #1 son who plays in the band, on saxophone he… Tried to go to africa but got rickets, there can be no pain there can be no gain inside… The dark tunnel where I drink wine with a funnel, and eat fruit til I toot, that ain't cute..bad, bad muse... Oh no, not back to those shoes! What other theme can I choose? .. How bout 'Woke up this mohnin, Got them Poetic Insanity Blues… Went in the bathroom, turned on the light, found a rodent in the hopper, drinking everything in sight, oh the bloos is nuttin, like a good mouse going bad, and I sing dem, coz it's de latest… Rad fad,like fishin with Dad,hikin with Brad,impaling with Vlad,ryhming like Scott,sorry bout thot,on to bigger and better prose,we could use some,God only knows,perhaps a few lines on Dr Suess... There's a big red moose on the loose, he lives in a caboose, but now he's in the calaboose for... Getting too juiced... and slapping the constable smack in the face, he played his ace, he plead his case, wound up in disgrace, yep - the pokey's the place, where he got his first... Ace, followed by three more. In or out the cell, he cheats at poker. This gamblin' moose is... a fulltime joker, deals from the bottom, shoots from the hip, watch out madam, don't give him no lip, coz if you do he'll .. Call his friend Rocky, who's a little smaller than a jockey, he flies thru the air, he is a squirrel, now all he wants is a pretty girl, to… Take on his way-back time machine,to an earlier day as if in a dream,where a girl and a squirrel can live as a team,in a renamed version (to give it a whirl),as Rocky the squirrel and his pretty girl... Matilda, waltzing away in the moonlight and dance throughout the night; doing the Hustle, the Two-Step and the East Coast Swing; the Jitterbug, the Cha-Cha, the Bodda Bing; he's a dancing squirrel with a pretty girl, while Bullwinkle... Is the moose with the most,doin the bunny hop like great Cesar's ghost,the electric slide gives his antlers a ride,while the twist puts this moose on your must invite list,enough of these dances,you get the gist... Tome II Book XXXVI Is there anything Bulwinkle has missed? We're living vicariously through him; heck he even got kissed. Moose lips can't be... Pleasant, they can't taste like pheasant, but give them a try, even if they are dry, take the word of this poor peasant, he's out of time to make a rhyme, so lets get back to the… Buffet and eat away! I'm hungry as a bear, and I don't care if they're out of tea, it's not for me, I'll take ginger ale... Served in a rusty pail, "Pail ale will make your ails pale," it's been said, although I'd rather... Stay in bed, with an ice-cube on my aching head, if I take a pill to make me brighter, would that make me an aspirin writer?, cause the writing feat that I aspire to, is to .. Craft a poem for a kangaroo, now would such a thing be considered hip-hop, oh brother I think I'd better stip-stop, before the residents of this corner, drag me out and… Do a writers intervention,that will get hip-hops attention,and remember lest I start to drone,an aspirin writer needs a bufferin zone,I know that is a tough pill to swallow,but in our misery lets not wallow,continue on,be brave my friends,for.... Where have all the writers gone? I don't know, but long time ago they were blowing on the wind or maybe they were snorting with a fin, putting drugs in their system sitting out on a limb blowing smoke... Now they're old before their time, spinning poetry, that's a crime, since not one of them can rhyme, 'cept for Mr. Winds and he does fine, so I shall saw the limb off behind me, and fall to The ground below, where already it's covered with snow; so I'll lie here waiting for the spring thaw, in my skivies with a padded bra, covering my ears to keep them warm, on this frigid August morn... Here inside my college dorm,speaking of Norm,the bra on his head,the many trips from bed to head,as morning studies we did dread,where professorial types in drag,woudst tear us from our sleeping bag,in search,foresooth! the sheepskin rag.... Till graduation day comes at last, and schoolroom days fade into the past, time to tie our laces and pull up our socks, and enter the real world, the school of hard knocks, where... Reality rules and schoolhouse fools pound the pavement and laiment, when trying to find out where the money went. Every day is... Tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day. What are you talking about man? You'll stick your head in a fan, and lose it to MacDuff, who sounds so ruff but he's really… Quite bland. How can you stand to be near that man? He talks about cans, and the moles on his hands, and... Counts up the toes on his feet, Seventeen! Oh well, there's plenty of toe jam between. His socks are all tattered and everything else that mattered. Is that a cat in a hat? No it's... Tome II Book XXXVII Better than that!It's not even a little like cat in the hat,why do I say it's not cat in the hat,well I'll tell you and you will say how about that!This cat in the hat is a rat not a cat,and we'll chuckle together in spite of that brat.... Beating up a poor dog like that! Why that old dog was just asleep on the mat, But let's not get too dogmatic, I've brought these old photos down from the attic, Now this one here is my uncle Norm… Gosh he must have really been in form, why he looks just like Dr. Seuss, or maybe it's that guy Tom Cruise, sometimes it's hard to tell them apart, what you do is ask them to… Daw art and then you'll know cause Dr. Suess is a modern day VanGough, but Tom Cruise can't... Even paint his toes. Sorry for the double post, I glad my DSL didn't burn like toast, so now I'll hush... And Mush! and Ho! We glide atop the moonlit snow,the canines breath a misty cloud,the trees rush by a crowning shroud,I want to yell with joy aloud,on doggies! let us beat the crowd... To Joe's on the corner of Broad and Main, just you be keerful when you pass that train; toot your horn and wave the engineer, raise your can and quaff down a beer, cause... He will be glad your sincere! what a rush it will be, to hear the wind in the trees and think of moonlight mysteries while shootin the breeze but be sure you don't... Let out a sneeze,'cause the conductor is allergic. So, just hold your breathe and take a gulp before.... Qaffing down some of that green pulp, from avocadoes grown too ripe, when mixed with a pound of tripe, and poured out of the bar's drainpipe, it has a head and… A big green tail, sent in the mail, which never fails & sets its sails for the coast of Wales, to buy some nails to... Hammer the fact home,that we are not alone,on this here in&out,its just that some will whisper,while others will shout,so beware the dreaded snout,of the convoluted lout,who sings in a contralto,if only you knew what I know... What it was all about, you would sing my praise, walk around in a daze, see life in a new phase, without all the haze just as soon as you... Grab your ears and listen to the sound of modems clicking, clocks ticking and insights sticking, unless time.... Is an illusion,we share a delusion, filled with confusion,we seek writing fruition,but get stuck on diction,its our predelection,thats what its about,on this in&out... There should be no get up and shout. We should tell our stories and listen to other's glories, or weave a.... Rug made of plastic bags the tramp wont mind it's warmer than he's ever been for years. Why does the sun come out at different times in different places? It's the difference in… Spatial relations,between floating bodies hurling through space,a million earths could fit in sols' place,the daily life o' the human race,irradiated by year old rays,while reading prose and writing plays.... That you hold very dear, but you look and you find, there is no place to hide, you are just along for the ride, in this whol this we call... The devil's advocate will never cease until the job is done.everyone must suffer in his words... Tat come along, so shout for Popcorn Joy, she'll write you a line, make it rhyme in three-quarter time cause as a poet, insane or left brain, she is to the nines... But don't ask for popcorn, if you know better, 'cause her's sticks to the pan and tastes like leather, so instead go for the... Feather,roll in the heather,act like Heath Ledger,trim with your hedger,run like a badger,play a game of frogger,be a grocery bagger,go see the dodgers... And sing along with a country song, Chesney or Strait but don't be late, I can't wait any longer... With all these ers... whattabout ors? ores? cores? floors? my father is sleeping with a whale of a snore so i... Reach out to implore! I honestly think, That with a boat, a hand dug moat, and a little billy goat we could... Sail over the moon, and sing a romantic tune, in hopes of viewing Mars while ooh-hooing, it's firey red... The man in the moon said,as he watched through his tears,I've not seen Marty this close in ten thousand years!His tears were of joy,those of a boy.... Finding his old friend or a favorite lost toy, as he gazed mesmorized at the red ruby ball, lumineous and… Warm, it held him in thrall, meanwhile to the east Venus did sulk, mad that attention was paid to that hulk, of red biomass in the late August sky, 'when will someone give me a… Song,pehaps Frankie Avalon will come along,wasn't it he who sang Venus if you will,I remember that song and it gave me a thrill,It's lonely up here just taking up space,my greenhouse effect makes me a steamy place.... Dark Side of the Moon is my preferred tune, but any celestial chorus would suffice, when Mars and Earth make nice, so wake me at 3:00 to… Break the ice, however feilds of green, would be so serene, if you know what I mean, when I look at you and... As I remain in queue, waiting for a break, I dare not hope, for... The earth may quake,I'll find true love when I awake,amongst the stars it doth await,it matters not Venus,Moon or Mars,and rarely finds its way in bars... Just look upward to the stars, for true love is their telling, but always illusive to those who work too hard at the selling. Hasten quick, look up tonight... Tome II Book XXXVIII And you'll see clouds and no moonlight, how'd we get into these 'ere's and doth's, I can't write like that, I muff, my lines are simpler and on the ground, like a hallmark card i sound, so back to poets large and… Loud. We're not lofty, we're not proud, but we still appreciate a celestial cloud. Keep the words easy and the flow... Profound. When the darkness comes inside, no need to run and hide, all you need is what's inside, until the day you... Bite the dirt and drop you in a hole in only your undershirt; where the ride is wild for one who is so mild for the words you have written, come to be smitten, as you swim down the river doing the Australian Crawl; surprise! There's Niagra Falls... Hang on to your undershirt and hold your nose, reincarnation is possible for any worthy writer who goes. But only a talent much needed on earth can survive the Falls and achieve rebirth, otherwise... He bites the big one,and that is that,similar to a jellicle cat,who strives to write and be reborn,but often ends his days forlorn,but it's the same for we writing.com cats,and there's nothing more to be said about that... And I'm so glad, the poetry was getting bad, but don't be blue or come unglued, or be rude or crude, certainly not lewd... Blue days are before me, but so are days filled with friends. Let the friends come to me, and fill my days with joy again....(OK, you said for it to be BAD, right??)… As one from the darkside comes to do the dropsy snide, visiting our isle for a day to abide; in answer to her quest revealed, hold on and we'll cut a deal. Be BAD as you like within the lines, we'll welcome you back any ole time, so if you... Feel that you can't ryhme, its okay... we've got the roof,to take with you so you will tree,and have a piece of birthday grass,at least your not a pain in the leg... That takes you fast, but if you had someone to tickle your toes, as ride the river as it flows, grow old as your life goes, you wouldn't need someone to... Give you a rose,or hail you in prose,or compliment your nose,you see it's not just about peanut butter and toast,sometimes it's about great Cesars' ghost.... Walking in the dark, I just can't stand to be apart, from the one in my heart, but I hate it when... The walls rattle and shake, the roof rumbles and roars, ghosts in the pantry, goblins guard my windows and doors, no escape can.... Be fast enough when things get tough, when the Banshee screams it disturbs your dreams as a... nose is disturbed into sneezing by snuff ans says, "Kerchoooooooooo!" before you can say… Tome II Book XXXIX I do,on your wedding day,perhaps caused by ragweed,perhaps caused by hay,it matters not and this I say,if you don't stop sneezing,you'll chase her away,so get yea a kleenex and stopper yon hole... Or call Auntie Hystamine, she's a kindly old soul, she might have a cure for it, a lozenge or pill, so do ask her nicely… Lest she become feisty and introduce you to Auntie Asthma who's got better ways to, say... make you sneeze, wheeze, and die on the same day... Oh… And she'll give you her fill, of reds and greenies and capsules galore, when you take them you'll get knocked to the floor, then wake up and become a perfect boor, like the writer of this part of the chore, better try licquor it surely is… Safer, and a quite a bit tastier, but careful with that thrill, the results could be worse still, than any feel good pill. Just go outside for a nice slice of… Cheese. Whoopi Goldberg will cut it in a way that will please. She'll sound like a tuba and smell like a… Poo. Bah! Like in Sister Act Two, where she sang like she had the flu, with that screechy loud voice, that was... Reminiscent of a gnu, trying to woo, a green kangaroo, with a didgeridoo, while over in… The zoo that doubles as a taproom, a bunch of the boys were shouting va-va-voom, at an Estelle Getty rerun on the telly, while the barkeep was pouring something smelly, was it stout, pilsener, ale or… What? That, my friend is today's thot. She comes in low and circles the bar, claims she is a famous motion picture star, but she drinks like a fish, looks like a dawg, smells like a gorilla wrestling a hawg - Mork! Is that you... Sitting on that log?, should it be, that just maybe, we could see, a way to... See the forest through the fog? Not likely, since today will be, a monkey on the backs of poetry. Three days off do offer a cure, for every issue the week must endure. So, go forth… And multiply, fill the earth with your word, be sure everyone has heard that Poetic Insanity is a rare bird, one that is truly preferred, and you needn't be a nerd; still to me it just occured that Poetic Insanity is the Theatre of the Absurd... In our play, Writer of the Winds whispers sympathy for every cause. Be it sarcasim, humor or style, I'd vote W of the W a winner by a country mile, but there are others lurking here, they post their thoughts… When they rather would be playing draughts, now what the hell kind of game is that, I have no idea, but it's keeps me fat, and puts the poets on the run, making verse to have some… Mon (short for money though verse seldom pays in cash or even a rash). But somebody might proclaim you a… Tome II Book XXXX Winner,even buy you a nice dinner,if your verse brings a quiver,just a shimmer of a glimmer,if I only had a brain..a heart..da nerve,oh...we're off… To see the Wizard they call Oz, he has a wife Harriet who happens to be the Bozz; yes, Harriet, whatever you say, tell Rick, The Traveling Man, to get out of the way; I'll solve the problem, Father knows best, make it a hard one, I'll pass... Gas! Oops! I mean, I'll pass a lot of gas stations in my cool machine, because I already have a full tank--so off I go to… The ranks of road warriors, searching for my needs, be them humble, be them greeds, I'll never stop the… World and melt like goo, cause I eat M&Ms and moo, like a cow or minah bird, reciting who's on third, no who's on first my good man, sorry I get mixed up in the… Dings of my gasly needs, as I sit on my throne with my… Secial rawhide bone, because I'm a brilliantly house-trained dog who loves to. . . Be sassy,like my pal Lassie,who's barking for Timmy down by the well,but Timmy's not well cause he fell in the well,so he won't be coming but Lassie can't tell,both figures are available from Mattel... Da, waltzing Matilda that lass from down under where everything is a strange wonder, from wallabes and roos to one-eyed gnus; and don't forget the platapus, an otter or was it a duck fust, it's a wonder if any... Person can tell a BeeGee from a studmuffin Mel, 'cause they're all from Down Under, which might make one… Wonder if the thunder down under is the place to be. Aboriginy tribes dwell in the plains, watching ordinary men go through ordinary pains. Don't snap their photo, 'cause it's sure to.... Explode, better still to get back on the road, and head due south to Antarctica, where Willie the Penguin will welcome ya, 'smoke Kool' he shouts as he drapes a lei, round your neck as you get off the… The good ship Lollipop jump in the old jalopy with a rag top; I sailed here to escape my clan I got one on every land; there's Italiano, British and German, too; French, what! Yes, French, Spaniard and Polish Jew. Set up camp in the ice and snow... Down a slope without skis,geronimo! Now lets see,hmmm,where else to go,the cave of the clan bear? no No NO! Instead we'll party with a mole,in CIA from KGB,where the hell else would our good mole be... He's undercover with Angelina Jolie, off on an adventure sailing high seas. Angelina's the lucky one, cause this mole's got a great mind and she sure likes his buns. So these two pretty people head for... Fun in the sun, on a beach in Alaska just north of Nebraska; I said it right, cause they're pretty but not very bright; their hair became rigid, and the sand was quite frigid; a dip in the surf left them blue... Tome II Book XXXXI So off to the skiing lodge they flew, where they could jump in the hot tub and give each other a rub.... Then head for the pub, to take a toot, and say a sooth, for she was the oracle at delphi you know, she forecast the rain and even the snow, on channel nine at ten when no one is watching, her ratings are down, so she's… Become a clown, or is that a tomb raider working for Ralph Nader to make sure the greater is less than the... Hole, but I would never be so bold to give you half a hole with instructions to hold the whole hole or you might think that I am holy, however speaking on the whole... It gets dug quite deep around here, but ne'er you fear, cause Roger Rabbit can make it all disappear. Toon Town is a looney bin, where anything's possible and... No-one's irrascible, except for that Tom cat, when he's chased by a wombat, dressed up as a mouse, round the side of the house, and into the shed .. To meet Barney and Fred(who got hit in the head by the wombat named Ted),though these guys aren't loonies, they're still in cartoonies,just toonies by hanna barbera instead... Of Chuck Jones, who's resting his bones, after creating a wascally wabbit, and that riotous duck who runs amuck, but he never made it a habit, or hobbit for all we know, he stuck to… The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, forsooth, and forevermore, amen.... To those who go aloof to rhymes and lines in this in and out that is in with the times... lunatic times filled with grammar-tic crimes, oh cryin' shame, the idiocracy that fills the brain, so prut, rub your glasses and... Show off your passes cause Funky Winkerbean is in the hall, he's the scourage of them all, so don't hang around or he'll mow you down, cause he's the official Monitor of the Realm. Walk gently into... And don't mow him down, cause sure enough he'll sue and call you a clown. Better to float above in a balloon, then... Cross the moat via a silver spoon,yon castle waits,we float at dawn,then they'll see what's goin on, we 1)land in courtyard 2)pop balloon(loud) 3)drape them all in a vinyl shroud... Then we land on a cloud, and wait 'til we get over the castle, dive-bomb and tear off that shroud....hey, it's allowed… As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with 2 wives, each wife had 7 kids,each kid had 5 bids (on e-bay), and I lost every auction... Despite my bid notification precation, cause my DSL decided to swell and clogged the line with muddy slim, causing a.... Huge explosion KABLAM!! It was an avalanche of Spam! Ads for Real Estate! Ink Cartridges! Viagra! It was a virtual Spam Niagra! How can I stop this deluge of trash? I'll just... Tome II Book XXXXII Pull the plug and say a sooth, No more pop-ups, No more spam, Or I retire to my ashram, and let my mailbox fill with crap, while I drink a chilly frappe, and turn to writing prose, while my agent keeps me on my… Toes,in a tutu with a rose,the stage is where I am disposed,in a ballerina pose,deep inside I want to Fosse, hip hop to the beat wit my posse, cause dancin man is where its at,then you suck that silly frappe... To avoid the babble of Eminem's rap. Give me Sting, or perhaps Coldplay, their lyrics and melody make my day. Satana and Natalie M. do please, and even... Frank Sinatra with his "New York, New York" cheese: "Start Spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today..." grab a karaoke mike, waddya say! We'll all... Are strangers in a strange land, called poetic insanity, great name for a band, of dreamers and poets and masters of style, marching down the road single file, playing tubas and snares and glockespiels too, while… Pretty girls high-step in line, twirling their batons, sashaying reeeaaaaal fine; the drum major bends back, strutting his stuff while Bubba plays the comb, his brother on the jug, and grandpa Bubba is cutting a rug, with a one, and a two, and... Off they flew..still can we sing of music just a little longer, it's dear to my heart and makes me stronger, it can be serious or just for fun, but sing it to me baby... Piano man,bang it out on that baby grand,don't go changin to try to please me,lay on some honesty just to tease me,and remember back where I come from,only the good die young... So grab a bottle of red, a bottle of white, lock the door, turn out the light, and... Fire up the CD's for a long lyrical night. Rock, Jazz, Rhythmic Blues can carry a lady on a mindful cruise. This ship is leaving so hop on board, claim your ticket.... Get stinking drunk, and get out of your funk, go to sleep like an old tree trunk, and don't put up with anyone's bunk, that you can't write or you can't rhyme, you're doing fine most of the time, now make one up the rhyme with… A shot of gilbey's with lemon and lime, chase it down with baccardi gold until this in and out goes old and cold... whew… Stone sober cause it almost October and just around the bend, waits Santa with his little men; hammering and sawing away, they fill up the fatman's sleigh with "On Donner, On Blitzen, On Comet and Cupid, Rudolph dont act stupid or we'll... Rename you DolphLungren, and I'm not jus funnin,you watch your pees and queues or you'll wind up with the blues,and a red nose is your thang,so up up and away with a bang... Since there's no reason to avoid any slang, 'cause good ole Dolph won't mind a bit. In fact, his accent has quite a twang. Spice up the words with any .... Cheese, that fills up the moon and springs to the stars, the poetry is coming straight out of my... Tome II Book XXXXIII Arsenal of verse and rhyme, it happens all the time, I just pick up my pen, and look! there it goes again, iambic pentameters, flowing on the page .. Cubic diameters, the geometric rage, LSD that psychomellow craze, the 70's are just a foggy haze,the arsenal of verse and rhyme contiunues to amaze... Willie the Shake,Edgar the Poe, spin round in their graves to and fro, when word reached Sandburg and Frost, play P.I. my man at all cost, don't worry 'bout walls or cats' creepy feet, just throw down… Your shirt and pull your pants to your knees, we're going to Hawaii with all the birds and bees! pack up your suitcase, kiss your momma goodbye, have a good round of drinks.. golly, don't you cry. Give it… To me, she said as she hit him on the head with a ball-peen hammer, now she's in the slammer, known as the Jersey Bammer, for a sentence of... Tenty, verses that is, to be written on top of the guard's red fez, "I must not smash a skull with a mallet, else I'll be dancing the ballet.' Hey that doesn't… Make sense, but then I'm taxman, and I have a plan! I'll cook your books, take a look at your crooks, hook a few cooks, but don't expect me to go the bail when you go to jail; I'm Captain Moustache, talking trash going to see my gurl... She's something of a pearl, even though her teeth are missing, which causes uncontrollable lisping, but her gums are fine when.... She's been on the wine, though then she double lisps, and sucks potato crisps, straight outta the pack; she's got a crick in her neck, trying to .. See, the TV up high in her favorite hostelry, a tavern or bar or any place you think, as long as it has a lot of drink, hey that's my gurl your talking about, I'm gonna… Kick the peanut shells aside and shout, "Unhand her, sir, you smooth-talkin' lout! She came here with me, of that there's not doubt, so..." Tell the captain to come about! up to the deck, what's the shouting about? Man overboard! cried seaman 1st Prout, no wait a sec matey, I think there's a snout!... Why it's Porky of the Sea, the sea going pig, he is a dingy or some kind of a rig; come around port, she's listing forty degree cause Porky needs a bath, he's got fleas; so hi-dee-hi-dee-ho... Take a minute, count your toes, they should total forty-one, unless you're my father's son, jump in with the pig, soap him up with a fig, then rinse him with… A garlic sprig while dancing the jig, you dig? But the first mate siad, "Stop all this alliteration, or there'll be a muteny or my name ain't… Whatever it is,I forgot. Oh, it must be Ichabot, or some such rot; what's in a name... A rose would smell just as sweet even if it was call stinky feet. So call me any name you'd like, just pour a drink and add an olive for me, while I... Tome II Book XXXXIV Think about Roses in tennis shoes and Chrysanthemums in heels...little band-aids in the back of them so the blisters they can feel and... Carrying their waders to walk to next meal, which is served down in the cellar, where a foot of water lies, with crocodiles lurking, to eat dropped French fries, or tasty legs that… Have been freshly shaved, a little Old Spice is what is craved, or Hai Karate if you want to be saved, since the cellar has been braved… And the spirits wave with a shout of "Step out into the water!" And never mind the gators, we'll explain about them later cause you can turn them over and rub their belly, spread on a little peanut butter and jelly, but you better be quick... Cause sometimes they get sick, and then you will be sorry... You forgot the lorry, for the croc skins, make shoes to snuggle in, but first you have to filet the gator, some may want to do it later, after a pint of Jack Daniels if you please, to stiffen the... Skin and stifle a sneeze, meanwhile out in the alley, gator awaits the waitress Sally, she'll serve his innards in a tin, whilst others walk all over him, in shoes well fashioned from his skin... Though folks from PETA say it's a sin, "Better to wear vinyl than old dead crocs!" or just wear socks while trading stocks, but watch out for tax on the trading floor, I'm sure you heard this one... Before so no more or I'll show you the door if you continue to bore us all with this lore, it's after four, so if you'll please pour... A cup of tease that's sure to please, from a Victoria's clad waitress in a silk chemise, "What sort of brew is this?" you say, it's... 'its herbs' the girl replies; 'then you better give it back to him' I quip, and she gives me two black eyes. No sense of humor some folk, they never laugh at all .. But of course, it's almost Fall, so everyone gets a little frisky when the wind becomes cool and briskly. We wait all year for a chance to... They're busy writing poetry on the men’s room wall, so gents like me can sit and read and with full complicity, take it home and post it in Poetic Insanity, oh boy, that was bad, I should be... Punished, or thrown in the can through which I just rummaged, for a bottle of wine or perhaps some cold Joe, though why I fancy dead bodies I just don't know, is it my addiction or just my predilection for.... Captain Moustache so I can hide my stash of funny little lines to pull out and use just any time to amuse and confuse the masses who by my door passes looking for... Way to San Jose, la la la la la la la la, so they can join the fray, 4la's, at this rate it will take all day, so back to a real poet to say that... They don't know it but will hum along if with the words they do blow it and like ventriloquists the notes they will throw it if... Tome II Book XXXXV San Jose gets ten inches of snow. The sand dunes would be pretty with the white stuff, not the gritty, where surfers could glide and dune buggies would slide, while.... Barbarians run to the gate, so they won't be late, to be part of the flash mob, and eat corn on the cob, with folks like Batman and Bubba, while drinking sarsaparilla, and dancing with... Godzilla who'll squash face if you don't win the race to Never Never Land where there's no man, only Michael who's bad, rad and a cad and some even say he's mad so button up your coat... And put on your earmuffs, San Jose in winter is no place for bikini buffs, or flaky blondes with heads full of fluffs, or... Iditarod Louie who's all gooey 'cause he's melting in the sun, he thinks San Jose's the Milky Way tho its only 41, back to the Yukon he cries with... Gusto that is where I must go, back to that land of .. Lust, oh man I miss Ms Mance, that chick she sure could dance, she did the tango, light fandango, so sexy in her stance... And not by mere circumstance. Fred Astaire was her teacher, and boy oh boy could he reach her, tripping the light fantastic, they... Spun round the floor, and traipsed out the door and fell three floors to the ground, where they picked themselves off, Fred's hat he did doff, and started to do... The Hackensack Toss to the tune of De Camptown Ladies with their Do Dahs watching the races and burning they bras; back out the door, but you'll come back for more, when the swallows return... To Santa Monica, or is it Monica Lewinski? Anyway, the sun is sinking fast, this day has not long to last, just as in the past... Unless you're insomnia's guest. Then you seek out the moon and look to the west, knowing another sun will rise and fall to test every... Newborn child of the wild. bring your own knives and guns, for loads of fun, watch for the 4 ton elephant, whose eye is a high as the corn, that's because the corn gets fertilized, by a ton of his stuff every morn, while out in the fields .. Dancing the Virginia Reel and singing "chicken in the bread pan pecking out dough, come one gal, dotsy-doe" while Freddy the Freeloader shuffles... And begs, he gets caught in between those elephant legs. The Wizard of Oz will send his Scarecrow, but that still won't stop the dancing show. Perhaps... A mouse will stop the beast, you know how elephants hate to be teased, by rodents like mice and rats, it will stand on two legs and shriek 'dats a mouse if you please, run and... Find Tina Louise, tell her another Gilligans reunion is a must, we need to see his leather face turning to dust, while his boyish charm still shineth through, I wonder what the skipper would do... Tome II Book XXXXVI Mary Ann could give him a clue. The Professor might object a bit, but then Mrs. Howell could smile and laugh at that nerdy twit. She'd bat those baby blues and... Say,” Thurston, darling, peel me a banana." Her sister's name is Anna, and she's from Loosiana, and she wears a bandanna on her... Golden brown arm, she's the queen of the farm, Kentucky fried dixie charm, sure to tear your.... Grannies to shreds, if you guys turn your heads, so watch her at all times, while I look for something that rhymes, with that awful word .. Bandanna, like Rosanna, or Pollyanna, or Mary Anna, the fairest of all on the isle, imagine taking her down the aisle, in a double ring ceremony hosted by the skipper, who reads from... The journals of his gipper. Just when things were getting good, CBS sliced the axe on that 'hood, so now we get Will and Grace, which I find a real disgrace. Let's all... Write to congress and try to suppress the silly dribble that invades all our tvibble... But why quibble, letters won't cause a ripple, call a telemarketer and invite him for a tipple, a triple martini with beer on the side, just the thing to stem the tide of ... Useless calls, driving me up the walls, trying to sell me vacations and all. It doesn't make sense, are these people dense? Don't they know they're unwanted? I think they should be hunted... And put in a zoo, but then again, who would want to see them? Not I, said Ducky-Lucky. Go hit them with a hockey pucky... Or sit them in the ucky mucky, or make them feel just downright sucky, but I digress, the topic's calls, so pop the corks and deck the halls, ding dong the list was read, but the courts have stopped the list cold dead... In my head, why all this Christmas talk? at this I have to baulk, its like eating chalk on a cold winters... Night. Spirits of past, present and future tell that some holidays can send some families into a living hell. Don't pretend to care, when Aunt Bertha makes you really want to swear. The necktie you.... Return when you can't discern if it is Gypsy Rose Lee, or a map of New Jersey, embossed on the material, among the spilled cereal [hah!], cost her... A pretty penny, but now you haven't any, for underneath your collars, so go fork out more dollars, for a .. Padded room and white jacket, which come to you courtesy of... Your friends here, who really care about your mind, it's one of a kind and hard to find, especially if you're blind,... And out of your mind, but don't worry about now, just take a bow and get a little ancy, and do a little dancy, it don't have to be fancy, but watch out for the alleygators... Tome II Book XXXXVII Cause they make biting comments, about the things we write, they'll chomp and turn and twist your words, they never get them right, they’ll drown you in a pool of sorrow, there’ll be no today tomorrow... Because tomorrow never comes, and soon you'll hear the drums, of the blind man as he comes, carrying poppies and... A pipe, singing about being stoned, and how his knife needs honed, the chicken's deboned, E.T. phoned, this rhyme has rhoned,... And I don't really care, if anybody stares, at the really big hairs, growing out of the pears, or the... Crusty egg yolk that causes you to joke. Or the bacon grease stain that has caused my stomach pain. I need chicken soup and a little TLC... In the Home of the Brave and the Land of the Free, lunch that is at Mickey D's, with my dog and all her fleas, sitting down and shoot the breeze, over a double barfburger please, with ... Ewwww, that's disgusting, and no, I'm not trusting, anyone that's been dusting, near the fish that are rusting, and I ask you... Once more, to sweep those rusty fish out the door, they're not wanted here, where we drink our stale beer, and have long conversations, about... Nuclear physics, and toys in attics, and Philly fanatics, til we fall on the floor and can't take no more, so we don't want to drop on fish that... Are musty, or floors that be dusty, or pizza that's crusty, then again pizza's like sex, even when its not great, it’s still pretty good, even if you're rusty, knock on wood, would if I could... Talk to you, even though you are dead, still you are in my head, I don't want anyone instead, filling up my... Sink with my blood running red out of my wrist, I failed this test, you were always... A pest, so now we bring you to the next... Generation who dance with the dogs who shoot the hogs while spinning and looping on logs in green bogs they... Sink, drink, and dress all in pink. They chew the cud, shoot the bud, wiggle in mud, and ... Play with their pud, all in the name of the rinky-dink dink, who wishes he could be a slinky I think, and bounce down the stairs with a click and a clack... Don't you wish you had that knack? So turning around slowly... And adjusting your knapsack you find the pig's in a poke and it's all just a joke. Don't laugh, because you just may be... A Slinky toy, or Myrna Loy, who wants a boy, to ride hobble-di-hoy, in some pree-verted bedroom game, taking both of you to fame, for fifteen... Tome II Book XXXXVIII Seconds to the boys shame, but alack and alas that’s all he could last, why not you try it will you be as fast? Oh boy what a... Blast. Better yet, resist the game, moving on to greater fame. Pursue perfection, void of mortal rejection, or just live in a dream, like... A computer game and kill goblins and ghoulies with never a scratch, especially if you have cheat sheets and... Invincibility. But I die today, or rather tomorrow, perhaps yesterday. I die every day. And... Live once again, in my own mortal way, for there are always more dragons to slay, and slaying strange creatures may be my forte, at least in a pivotal, digital way... I cease to internally die, for there's always that one bright star in my night sky, I'll once more to my depth and exist in essence...... Of what I don't know, searching for the answers in falling snow, looking here and there, forth and fro, diligently... Trying to make my love grow, for without you I would die, lose interest and not try, sooth myself with a haunting lull-a bye, yet my heart will... Ache but not break, if nothing else, for my sake, I shall always.... Endeavor to eat cake and not pie, since juicy fruits can ruin my suits and rot my teeth, but above all, they make my weight crawl, in an upward direction, so far from perfection, so... How did we get into this self-analyze slouch, I think we are candidates for Dr. Freud's couch, don't worry be happy my doggie says, why not adopt such a motto for all of your... Lives, after all life is short, and we all die, but we never really go away, so why worry about anything? For to die is gain and... To worry in vain, is so insane. So enjoy each day, in each and every way... Legally allowed, and pray to the slightly segmented bumblebee for your... Liver to continue it’s beautiful spew. Never forget the words of the infallibly slurmy... Chosen few...just continue to taunt life and all its useless toil, flick your finger at fickle fate and ever-increasing mildew soil. Create the illusion that life's a delusion and give it up to... Its fateful conclusion, yet live life without the slightest confusion or is that green monkeys with tails of red and who jump on the pandas until... They're dead, you give me an ache in my head I just want to go to bed but I cant with all the silly chatter ahead; so blame it on Fred, he's the real nerd in this crazy herd even though' it's absurd... Just ask Wilma about Fred. She'll tell you about his faults but admit he's no nerd. Now Barney might be a nerd, but only Betty can utter those words, so perhaps she'll share a bit of her fare and give it up to.... Tome II Book XXXXIX Bugs, that bunny of film and fame, sometimes a guy dressed like a dame; he's cool and neat, thought he's got big feet, while Elmer is the sucker, we'll call me Fuddrucker; now that's a name... With balderdash! It sounds real classy but it's actually crass, if you feel you need a distinction in class, Daisy Duck is billed as a sweet young lass... With a duck tail and lots of sass, then there's Donald who can't talk plain, I question if he has a brain, and Uncle Scrooge the miser, he's Donald's financial adviser who says, Get a job, boy... I no longer can carry you, on shoulders that are weak and tired, my poor duck back can't pick up the slack, so ... Ask Mickey for an honest day's pay. I'm sure he'll let Pluto stay, and pitch in to help, or else he'll let out a yelp, when your duck bill gets ill from the wrong kind of pill or perhaps better still... He needs to write out a will. Pluto's too playful to seek out for aide. Perhaps Goofy can step in, if he's to be paid. The whole group... Is sliding down the tube, due to the last several posts that provide the lube; Mickey's on Social Security, Donald's on Medicare, Pluto's 65 in dog years that's 473, so here comes the Rugrats... Who are becoming brats, but there's hope for us yet, 'cause unless he forget, Batman will... Squeeze into his tights and show Cat Woman and Joker who will win all the fights. But alas, the Green Hornet can't join, since Bruce Lee is now gone, so Robin will... Have to flip a coin. The winner will be a hero indeed, unless they stop off and smoke some weed, then their senses... Will be corrupted, as coitus is interrupted, with a sheep named Uma, who's as fast as a puma, on the 3:10 to Yuma, so on with the... Train robbery on the 3:10 to Yuma snobbery; it's Butch Cassidy and the Kid riding an old nag... Sundance has lost his lid; they'll go south for the season, the Pinkertons are the reason and Etta leaves before she conceives so tally-me-bananas... And give them to the monkeys ... I'm begging you please! I've really got to go, it's starting to snow. Don't you see .... I'm cold? And tallying your bananas is rather bold! But when all is told, the monkeys will be sold...to the man in the fedora hat... Who seems to be quite old! Maybe 70 or eighty my what a view, a wrinkly old dude balancing monkeys on his... Nose, one on top of the other, for as far as your eye can see, but how can that be? It is certainly a curiosity of the first degree. ESPECIALLY since he is perched on top of a... Beam, doing flips in the air with his construction team, they're putting together a brand new skyscraper, the monkey balancing act is just a side caper, read all about it in the morning paper... Tome II Book L "Wow what a caper" and beside the news of the monkey on the skyscraper doing the tricks, bunny is back in big bold letters, what will everyone think? Is this a trick like David Blaine in the box with only his.... Sink? Man what a fake! I shudder to think of what would happen should the box break, flipping and spinning around in the air, while those on the ground... Scream in despair, it just isn't fair how they die with such flair, meanwhile, back at the ranch... The birds flew from a branch, shall they take such a chance? The hunter, holding his gun high.... Sunk a bullet into his own thigh, oh my, my, my. Still, all was not lost, he'd settle for a dinner of... Moss, which grows on the north side of trees, but also attracts fleas that eat peas while balancing on their knees, but please... Get them fleas out of my peas cause Bubba has gone out back, to look for his sweetheart Honey, found her putting a dip in her lip, which made her talk a little funny; now she's spitting thru her teeth, hitting the bucket from forty feet... While saying she wants to eat a beat. she says she wants to cheat, on the test tomorrow then maybe she'll meet... The incredible Hulk, who's quite a bulk, tell her not to sulk, for yesterday's gone and... tomorrow never comes, at least it seems for those Chicago bums, they almost made it to the dance, but then they... Poopied in their pants, once again denied their chance, if away that fan had glanced, and in the glove that ball had danced (and next game's spirits thus enhanced),would the cubbies have advanced?..... And reversed the curse, or even worse they might have faced the Yanks, resulting in more cubbie blanks, but the boys of old Wriggly town with Sosa, Alou, Clement, might wear the crown except for the bottom of the eight... But alas they didn't do so great, because by an awful twist of fate the pitchers missing and the coach is late, the bats are broken and... The balls are blue, but baseball it's true, isn't exactly cricket, where you have to hit the wicket, and the balls are hard and red .. And soon you shall be dead, for here within my bed, my sweat runs from my head, and there are those that say that I am suspiciously... A hypochondriac with scales upon my back, who likes lying in the sack... I'm back on the attack, so close the door and draw the shade, I came to party not to play and for this someone must pay. A penny a quarter, a dollar bill, I don’t know 'cause I'm so ill. So bring on the.... Monsters, and bake up the muffins. Everyone knows that only the bitter one wins. Take off your shoes and... Tome II Book LI And throw them in a pile, go barefoot and be in style, hotfoot it out the door and let out a roar, then listen to Sidney and take his advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice... Then go to a wedding and throw out some rice, then bake up some cookies cause that would be nice, then pick up those shoes that you threw in a pile, and put them back on cause they're crocodile, and crocodile soles come but once in awhile... Because they come back in style every 10years, like some weird and spooky urban myth about the man and his crocodile soles that every Halloween he... Snapped up the candy, which wasn't dandy, to the little boy Andy, who had a tire iron handy, to kill the myth and act randy, with little Celeste ... Whoa! She's a dandy cause she's got dimples on her cheeks, and hot dancing feet, a smile upon her face that'll put you in outer space, cause she's got purrrrrsonality... But she can make you sick, something's just not right, I tasted her and threw up all night, now I'm Hungover and she's still sober... Like a twisted tale written by a wicked grave robber. Dirt fills the graves with curses and a spell, and if you're not careful, a ticket to Hell. So don't eat the..... 3 pomegranate seeds or you'll never get out, that slimy ol' lizard with infamous clout, a trickster he is, really it true, offering you feast merely to trap you, but... As for the blood, salty and sweet, this you may have, all you can eat, so make sure... It's pasteurized, homogenized and put thru a strainer, for a man with brains that's a no-brainer, but some need a personal trainer, to find a vampire willing to... Drain her, Fredricka said I think I'll do Transylvania, she went right away, forgetting to pack, stuck a sign on her back which read, suck my blood Drac... Ula, she got hit in the head and landed with a thud, she heard "now don't be a... Sucker, drop your teeth in the glass, put your lips in a pucker, and then kiss .. Alas! - she never did finish, his teeth cut her neck, she cried out in anguish, but .. His teeth broke in two, like a cattle with flu, he was in suck pain, with nothing to gain, but ... A dentist drill with no Novocain, what should he do? Drac isn’t Drac with out a good tooth or two, However with his new drugs and doctors prescription... Which he studied with great ambition, since to visit a dentist would break tradition, of not seeing daylight under any condition, but a bite was a... Craving he could not resist, so for getting dentures he had to persist, finding a nocturnal doctor was first on his list, so looking for... Dr Goodbar in the mist, he stumbled on a man whose field was cats, but with his accent he thought he said 'bats' and felt right at home in the chair, 'til he heard 'hairball, rinse' said with... Tome II Book LII Certain accents in combination made with a backhanded remark causing a fiery conflagration that burned up the cats, the bats and rats while Smokey the Bear sat down in the chair and firing up his pipe... Screamed "Fire in the Hole!!" while looking at a mole, who danced around a pole and... The house is now just coal, poor old Smokey didn't have a chance, while his home was burning he did a rain dance, faithfully hoping that the... Fire wouldn't advance. I'll make a new start, rebuild and renew, cause there's nothing that Smokey the Bear can't do. So he gathered... About him his furry little friends, in a vain attempt to make amends; but his attempts wouldn't do, his smoked up friends were far and few and pointing at Smokey's forestry attire, said, Only you can prevent forest fires, so get your bucket... And move to Nantucket...Oops, don’t go there...Back to the forest, Gump, and get a water pump or we'll have to jump... In one big lump, into the water. With all fears banished, he learned to speak Spanish, after eating a cream Danish, but all was not well... In the circles of Hell, with the temperature falling and the flames caterwauling, and the chorus of the damned was rising like damp, while a devil in disguise made blueberry pies, with ashes for icing and... Blood red design, the queen has slipped into broken rhymes, and as she falls the gypsy still climbs, blowin blue dragon smoke through empty minds... Like the bitter taste of orange rinds, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime, cause this here jail ain't no nursery rhyme, our poets here go legally blind, cause they all know what to do with their time... Which means they're hacks addicted to gin and lime peddling their words forevermore, with second-hand clothier Krestin Deboar, a knock-off look-alike of a paisley shade claiming his fashions are all hand made, but take a look at his shabby attire... Should we not set it on fire? No, we are not that cruel, we will just instead make him eat gruel. Make him keep to himself... And quietly drool, while whittling a figure of Peter O'Toole, cause this here gruel eating fool is sure cool, he knows just what he can do with his tool... Stow it in his drawers, the bottom one to be precise; there he keeps his hammer and his vise; don't anger him by moving his stuff, he's already angry enough, besides have you seen Junior's grades... In agronomy? Quite a feat to be so neat, while trying not to eat the ruby-red beet, from which... You were so sweet, for I understand, the task at hand, let is ring across the land that I... Tome II Book LIII Hello? Why did you ring? Is it just a thing? I will not stop, I will not go, until Thing One ends the show. He is not here, he is not there, it's Thing Two that’s running bare! So zip it up and clear it out... Then one and two won't be about, and we'll move on to three and four, and three and four of course have more, you'll get your fill with three and four, but I digress (whatever for), perhaps my rhyme is getting sore, is it so? Is this a bore... Causing boredom? Nevermore! But Junior's grades are a pain and I blame his mommy waltzing in the rain, to the tune of... Matilda, who hails from Spain; she's crazy for the dance, her dad from Bolivia, her mum from France; she hot-footed across the continental divide, a trollop of dance without any pride; Oh come to me my sweet... Matilda, my name is Bob and I'm a builda, if I build you a cottage, please, will you cover me in cottage cheese? Then take your spoon... And aim for the moon, it's made of green cheese, don cha know, 'cause I been there with Larry, Curly and Moe, a handsome threesome of actors extraordinaire who altogether make one good pair... Though one of three's quite sparse of hair, and Moe (with woe) will smack you there, while Larry's hair is fair to share, they pull it here, they pull it there, except when they breathe Martian air... In the spring, when they have a fling by flinging silly poets thru a ring and then sing the song by Bing... Crosby, Nash, Stills and Young, are growing old, and almost all their fans are six feet under and growing cold, oh what do you do and what direction, when you can play guitar longer than you can keep an... Addiction from hitting the papers and 'net, but when snow has you, it's what you expect, making your fortieth comeback out in the sticks, playing Hamlet for all of the... Chicks who think you are Elvis, isn't that funny how you can make money simply by being... A poster on poetic insanity? That's right my friends, you heard it here, there's cash and prizes and even free beer, that writer guy created this place, and I bet he'll pour beer all over the place, and fall on his face, like that SNL guy.... Tome II Book LIV Egad! Are you trying to say, that I have money to pay for your alcoholic binges while my success hinges on some sot that's gone to pot drinking root beer laced with antiseptic; While the world merrily goes to hell in a... Lead balloon? Call back in June; then after Looney Tunes we'll watch High Noon - (ah, when Gary Cooper's on, I feel like a new per-son) - and then John Wayne will ride again, in ... Panties and tights, oh won't that be quite a sight, he's after jacko, who's hiding in Texas, hoping to catch the next plane to Vegas, where he'll... Have his plastic surgeon put an innocent look on his face, though I doubt there is enough space, but with three million in bail, most anyone can tell that Never Neverland Ranch is just another branch of Osama Bin Teletubie... Hogwash! There I've said it, got it off my chest--YUK!! Hogwash on your chest is silly at best, but what can I say? I'm having a bad day, so just... Let me rest! Take two aspirin and a pitcher of Gin, when morning emerges I'll be in a tailspin... Then let the games begin! Yahtzee at 7, Pictionary at 10, strip poker at 2, you want some more? After strip poker it's twister at 4 till we're all very sore, and those who won't play will be known as a bore... Now it's time for tea with Robert E Lee and you and Cher, and grizzly bear, with long black... Cadillac driving around with a monkey in the back, he's up to 95 and the monkey was barely alive when they hit the jumping ramp and ran over the tramp as they... All got a cramp, and stopped on the tramp and then ran back. The tramp was in town, and making the rounds for... Amway, or was it Fuller Brush? I got in a rush, drank an Orange Crush, and told the tramp to hush and get back on his steamer, quit being a dreamer, and some day... A pound, but will they have success? The moon is full and that’s no bull, anyone for a game of pool? So tie up the.... Genetically modified chia pet for a walk it won’t forget, then go out by the pool and... Smoke a funny cigarette, then tell strange tales of explorations into space, while... Tome II Book LV Stuffin' ya face and being a disgrace, and then you'll begin to rap like enimem on... Speed, they'll rap, then they'll tap, giving up some heat to a ghetto beat; a one, and a two, but that won't do, Lawrence Welk, he would not melt 'cause he's old, he's slow and he sho ain't po', so move on down the line... Dance, get them cowpokes in that stance, they sure can't moonwalk and this ain't no riverdance, but give them boys just half a chance and they'll dance Jimmy Stewarts bullet out of Liberty Valence... Then he makes a stand for the land run by the bad man who like ham and a tan like Jimmy Duran when he's running a... Hot dog stand, say how would you like that dawg, just laying there like a log, or piled high with pickles, onions and cheese, mustard and mayo if you pleeze; or chili and horseradish, ketchup and sauerkraut... Numbers racket or laying a plan. That turkey should get roasted for a Thanksgiving feast, and served on a silver platter and offered to a hairy beast. Add yams and... Tam’s cans of calico hams. The beast laffed at the concoction, gave a smirk and died... But at least he tried! Then you felt, like Roosevelt, rolling a joint and making a point with his homeys in the... Hood, so there he stood, all full of pride, would it have been better, to have lied? So carve the turkey... It's better than eatin' jerky this year. But don't fear, although turkey day's near, we have some great... Friends in here, he said raising a box, inside was a fox who... Was Goldilocks in disguise, which wasn't wise since fox's know lies. The skies turned turquoise and Goldilocks joined this guy's... Band, she tried to sing but sounded like Bing, so they gave her a fling out the... B-b-back door, they called her a name that rhymed with flirty bore, they said don't come back here singin' no more, or we'll play eminem till you fall on the floor, you'll beg for forgiveness, your ears will be sore... Tome II Book LVI And in your brains a nothingness. then the man with a thing for Bing will sing like Frodo from the lord of the ring. Madness then sadness will overcome you, then gladness as you... Cartwheel into a trash can, Oh man, what's that LUMP it's a massively passively snigglely glump, I'm... In a slump. If you were to whisper deep, would it at all sound cheap, would I ever sleep, counting sheep, in the breath of the... Dragon, pulling his little red wagon, heading for school, hoping the bullies will think that he's cool, vowing to honor the newest school rule, I will not breath fire like a fire breathing fool, cause a burnt down school is surely not cool.... Enough, I'll have to try for the bigger stuff, like the bank on Main, or an Amtrak train, or... That little house on the big plain. Did you ever read that book when you were sick and had no other way to entertain... Except to watch the jackass on the plain trying to abstain from stepping on the gophers brains, while listening to... The trains. The whistle how it blew, the tracks how they clattered, I thought this to be a vacation, but all my hopes were splattered. I lay down my... Neck on the rails, but just then a friend hails. I rise up to see, the train flies by me--another plan fails! But meanwhile, back at the ranch... Where the trail starts to branch, a lone rider (a tall one), says to his stallion, "Now listen here, Champ... Are you from South Caroline, 'cause you are a looking mighty fine; we been on this trial fer too long; so in the next town, I'll buy you a fine gown and I'll sang you a lonesome cowboy song; now come on pet... Hop in my Vette, and let's cruise towards the coastline. Don't be shy. Why don't you slide on over by me. But, watch your step and the things that you pet. For we could get covered in... Tome II Book LVII Sweat. We get carried away, as we roll in the hay, and no inhibitions are held at bay, so what do you say... Of a frosted mug, of juice from a bug, like we used to drink in summer camp, before you became a #1 vamp, enticing me into your fancy car, that line of b/s won't get very... Far from the bar. But look, there's Annie with her big fanny, ain't she cool, to be a mule with... A name like Jules that we call Verne; so giddy-up old boy, just learned we will deploy with the 82nd Airborne, so get yer locks shorn with a cool GI buzz grab that razor and knock off the fuzz; and do a sidesaddle mount ready to pounce... On the nearest tramp-o-line. Give a little bounce and you'll find yourself flyin' high in the clean, blue... Tidy-bowl water, swimming like an otter, getting in a rush to avoid the brush. Oh no, it's the flush... No, it's a full house, and that beats a straight, no matter where it starts in the gate, but sit on your tush and draw a straight flush, from up your... Sleeve, but would you believe I've hit a Royal, ain't that great? I'm so loyal and refuse to wait, so deal another... Hand of crazy eight, for though the hour is getting late, I'll let the cards decide my... weight, and if too much I'll go on a diet, and eat only seed and suet, and scream 'pieces of eight' until the cable people dropped the rate, so it's yo ho ho and a... Big bass drum, which I plan to beat on till the cable guys come, ba da boom, ba da bang, with a ying and a yang, as Carl Jung would say, it's just that you're horny and you need a good.... Day. What else can we ask for when we hear the beat of the drums, but another moment to march away and another chance... To twirl and dance, sing a song for me and I'll wait until the long green sea turns into green tea. We'll have a party, ala cartee, with little sandwich bites, and maybe some... Pomme frites, oops I spoke in French, I'll be shot for a wench, and frites did not rhyme, which means I wasted my time, I'll be the PI mime, like Marcel Marceau, can you hear me Joe, I say... Tome II Book LVIII Yo yo homeboy, don't look at me like I'm gay, I'm just trapped here in this invisible box, whilst the hounds pursue the fox... Over the river and through the woods to deliver the goods, or is it the bads? Depends on the cads that... Grandma has, and on Dad's, and on the lads that follow these fads, these sad, mad, grads that make us... Ill with the flu. You gave it to me, a gift with no strings. I'd like to give you... A bad case of hives, though I've never seen a good one. Let's raid the dives and have some fun, let's put the... Pot on to boil, and soak our heads in cod liver oil, then go out and hunt some bear, in Jersey where the polluted air, will make us wish we had... Stayed at home with a big honeycomb. All the bear are nowhere near here but I don't know where they have their lair and I don't care, as long as they keep their hair out of... The stew that bubbles and boils in the pot on stove. For I have the flu, and have nothing to do, but sit and perspire, here by the fire, whilst waiting to see my dear... Mr. Bubba, who's working with some stuff called flubba, and playing taps on the tuba, so he can take a plane to Cuba, to buy some... Hand rolled Havana, rolled by a lady who weighted 280; she's a princess of the mature crowd, strutting around in stirrup pants real proud doing a fan dance in here size 80 pants, kicking her legs... And gasping (her last?), surprised she's still standing after her dance, thinking back to her days on the ranch, out in Nevada where tricking was legal, remembering a body so thin it was regal, didn’t one guy come in with a beagle... Great Scott! Do my eagle eyes deceive? Have I taken leave of my senses? Is Joseph under false pretences? It’s the son of a gun’s turn in ‘The Waiting Room’! He’s kept us patiently waiting for days with his absent-minded ways... Ah, but the lure of PI was too strong to resist, even if his friends are pissed, it's his chance to write of his former life, out at the brothel in search of a... Tome II Book LVIX Absorbing mass quantities of gamma rays while listening to Stevie Ray rifts, oh how my concentration drifts while thinking gifts and tokens... Like that time in Hoboken, when we were really smokin'; performing on stage making my gi'tar scream, You ain't nutin' but a hound dawg, but the room was sleeping like a log when in rolled Mick and man was he stoned... Hog, A stone hog you say? Naw, I think you was play, played like a.... Piano at a fancy Casino, while eating a pickle you may get fickle, but don't let.... That keep you from the waiting room, or the Cisco Kid will seal your doom, get off the dime, get on your horse, go to Nevada and round up some whores, keep trying to rhyme more words by brute force, is it good that it makes no sense? Of course... It could be that tis better than to sit in silence... Oh! But to have Quiet once in a while! Watch out in the pasture, don't step in the pile I love to make rhymes and even sometimes they make sense... On a ranch you say? Where there's plenty of hay, a cornfield so dense it couldn't possibly make sense, don't get into a pickle like my Uncle Rickle, hurry with that plow or... You might step on my cow, hearing the moo makes me want to sue and the damn chicken is clucking again. I’m getting off this farm I say gunna get me out of this hay far, far away to a place called... Bombay, what will I do there you say, well I hear there are lots of games to play, and there definitely is no hay, so come on with me, you don't need... This hayseed, or this cow, or this horse, or-wow- did I get carried away! I think I'll just stay... What'd I just say? Oh, I rapped about cattle. On and on, I'd prattle. So, hop on board this saddle, get up and ske-daddle, but don't go and... Think this will make any sense, unless you give your brain a good rinse, and put in on the line to dry, or on the stove in the pan to fry, then you'll be ready for the... Scrambled eggs or frog legs, whichever you like. Or I'll ride my bike, or take a hike, go fly a kite while the wind... Starts to bite, so wrap up those extremities, drink nice hot lemon teas, grab your slippers and pipe, let your mother-in-law gripe, put your feet.. Tome II Book LX On the floor. There's no coffee table anymore and the lamp may have smashed during that long forgotten dance when it went flying out the door, to be seen... No more, in bell bottom pants, which rhymes with trance as they say in France, ooolala merci boh-koo, I have no idea what I'm trying to do, so... Coo, coo cu-choo as the walrus might intone, in a mighty bass baritone, while wandering the catacombs in Rome, searching for the elusive fifth Beatle, whose name is... Bailey, a cousin to Gailey on her husband's side, you 'member when she was a bride, Ole Mysterious and all his charm, came waltzing in with Gailey on his arm, did a turn around the floor, then danced some more, then the lights went out... He let out a shout as he slipped, tripped, fell to the floor and was knocked out; the one with he had been dancing, but was no more, was screaming and prancing as she flounced out the door. The... Door had a sign reading GET OUT YOU BORE! So the floozy that flounced out the door said No More, No more will I dance with a slip tripping snore, I'm off to the races to bet number four... But the horses were dead, yes, dead I said, dead from lead that they'd been fed, red lead from a guy named Ned, no, Ted, no... He was shot in the heart, just to start, which caused him to let a stinky ole fart. And if that's not enough, his body they did stuff with.... Crab like a flounder, which made him rounder as they put him on the spit, five turns and he's done, now comes the fun, as the feast begins at... One, try not to be late, (like five or even eight), or you'll miss the hors d'oeuvre, that I'm gonna serve, with sardines on toast, which I know you like most, followed by... A roast of which I can boast, my roast is the tastiest roast on the coast, you can slice it thick or thin, dribble sauce down your chin, or take off your shoes and stomp it flat, cause flat roast beef is where it's at, come and have some at my flat... Cause that's where I'm at, so come on and join me and we'll chew the fat. And you never know, just who's going to show.... Dasher, Dancer, or Madonna, with Lourdes and buddy Ossama, Saddam's tied up, can't make it this year, that surely makes you shed a tear, but he sent ... Tome II Book LXI His regards, or was it just guards, as he said he would come if he could but he couldn't get out of the 'hood without Dubya on his... Hindquarters! Oh how he wished to runaway and join the Foreigner Legions puppy brigade's.... That was way behind time, so the legion began to spew out lines; what to do with all their vanity? Why send them lines to Poetic Insanity and sling them upon the wall and see how many will stick and how many will fall or swing... In the breeze, that flows through the trees, with thoughts like... Fleas, jumping all around. I must write this story, to that I am bound, but the plot is lost, that I have ... Seen, and isn't it mean to cream one's spleen for a Christmas feast, even from a wildebeest? Well, at the least... Let's chop some fleece and stuff it in a golden sack, Jason’s arguing with Argue-nots, stabbing air 'tween bones and rot, will shipmates come to save the day, or will they simply stop and stare, forever at the gorgon's hair... One must tame the beast, give it a thrill with a George Foreman grill, and a generous helping of roadkill, but meanwhile I'll seek the intelligible geek while... Corn rows have such savior-faire and on a gorgon are so rare, Jason's a goner that's for sure, poor Medea she's so demure, she'll miss those times they had in bed, playing... Peek-a-boo with Mister Fred, using beauty as the lure, making Freddy crave the cure, wearing her Teddy just to be sure, but at that penultimate moment we hear... 'I have a headache, my dear,' so to a cold shower Fred does go, to slake his lust on Ivory Snow, Jason never got a peep since Medea is now sound asleep, so he and Fred popped... Two aspirin in their ears, stiffled back their hard earned tears, shifted into second gears, counting sheep the only game, Medea's snores are all that came, nothing there to quench desires, neigh 'twas more like flattened tires.... I'm wearing a glove - (there should be a pair, but I got it from Gran, and she's only half there!) - and hold a red rose, to give to my love, when she's blown her red nose. Now I look up above, from the balcony she leans... Tome II Book LXII Holding on to sanity, by any way or means-her tears hitting the concrete below, who would have thought... Hey! … that’s not tears, oh, not again! That’s snot again! She just ignores my pleas to use a hanky or even her sleeves when she has to sneeze but it’s “No, thank ‘ee” - instead she uses her fingers and the smell... Just lingers. Her tale of woe is sung to those below, just a token of a heart that is broken in three... Blind mice, see how they run? Wouldn't you run? One's got a gun! Always run from a blind mouse with a gun, son! I'd run from the house without my blouse! To avoid getting shot in the back by that mouse! That mouse is a louse... To drink till he's soused, what we need is a feline, to keep him in line, like skates or dancing, and maybe just a little romancing, but the cat is away, and won't be back today, Any ideas Mr... Stingray. Will you jump in your rocket, with that thing in you pocket? And shoot all the meeces with your radioactive pieces, and then fly me to Mars so I can visit the stars and takes lots of ... Avatars with their guitars, cause gods playing chords are known to drive Fords, and if you're driving cars on mars, Fords were built for avatars, but steer clear of those Martian bars, instead try drinking... Turkey flavored soda, it's really not that gross, just ask Yoda, and his thirty thousand toes. Then you can join me, as I travel to the... Moon, across a dune, with a girl named June, singing a happy tune of... Some old Willie Nelson song. Where does it belong? Is it wrong to wear a sarong too long? Ask Ms Fong, who hits the gong while playing ping-pong with... La , just climb up my rhymes they're there for you caught a star for myself and a pair for you I'm dancin' in the heavens but I'll take a bow Would you like to get high I'll show you how... Try climbing the Stairway of Page & Plant, can you make it to Heaven? Bet you can't, before... Your hear the bell, and take the escalator to hell, to meet Norman Fell, who says you smell, of oregano and turmeric and other foul spices, that make ... Tome II Book LXIII Your money all go with their high prices, but hey! you yell, there’s nothing wrong with my smell, and now I know and know full well why I don’t like thee Dr Fell, you, sir, can go to … The studio and dwell, on whether you're more like Jack's landlord (do tell!),or partner to Burt on that old cop show (well?),it's important that we know what's swell for Fell... The barbershop and get some tonic on your top, sir, you smell like a cop who's content with that sugary donut scent, have a glass of wine laced with strychnine, it'll make you blind and you'll... Gut ripping, but let me remind you, no tipping, lest you be given a duck from Peking, whose dialogue is dreadfully boring, he's the brother of Daffy, the duck that... Old Taffy sent us from Wales, or maybe Bombay(?), well that explains the scales, all over his .. Get a little jiggy, go out and dance with Twiggy then barbeque a little piggy singing zip-a-dee do-dah zip-a-dee aye, cough up the dough cause somebody's gonna pay for making a rhyme but not anteing up a dime, but on the other hand... Are five more fingers, which belong to me. You can't have them, but you can use them for a fee, but if you're broke, you get the poke, it's just a joke, care for a... Yoke? all jiggly and wet, not the way Mom cracked an egg I'll bet, but my minds scrambled so I might forget, kinda fried like a crisp dumplette, cooked for Bob by Suzanne Pleshette, who woke up in bed on the original set, saying over-easy... Buster, you've put on too much weight, been eating too many cakes and sweets of late, you might be called the round mound of rebound, no that was Sir Charles the big... Bad gazelle hound. He likes his chips fried crispy and brown. He slaps on some sauce and gobbles them down. The he rubs his belly and drinks a beer, singing songs of ... Trepidation and fear for all to hear. If he's slightly off-key, what's that to me? I can't hear him when he... Sings in the shower, about Matt Lauer, and the Tower of Power, or is it Tyrone, who sits on a throne and picks at a bone while his conscious... Self screams some new foolery, fell for a trick and they snatched your jewelry, they were slick and the pick was quick, gone out your chimney like St. Nick.. Tome II Book LXIV Looking for Democrats to challenge the Bush, there’s a bunch set to push, like Dean and Kerry and Clark bar too, but that’s three not to mention Edwards, Reverend Al, Lieberman and Dickie; There’s more, but to write them would be a chore, so... Leave that to what passes for the lower classes in the Land of the Free, Hispanics it seems to be - Bush gloats as he buys their votes with visas, and if he hires Dolly Parton as an attraction hey! Weapons of Mass Distraction, and 2nd term … In-ology demands more satisfaction, perhaps in Dolly fashion, keeping abreast of the latest polls, reducing mountains to hill moles, avoiding premature disruption, due to bedroom pass destruction... As we sink down into the morass hoping somehow to pass with hints at disruptions and eruptions that even a curmudgeon would laugh with the kid and SJ looking to pave the way by their insensitivity to drag this idyllic isle of delight into the gutter of... Politics, that home of the bureau of dirty tricks, where egos bulge, cause they can't divulge, that they have empty hulls. Mother don't raise you son to be... Like your brother – now he’s a one! he asked Mother “when Dolly passes to her eternal rest will they carry her out two abreast?” I’d have guessed they’d need four at the end furthest from the door but let’s not lower the tone any … More. I really thought you were the one, I imagined us having so much fun, with my daughter and your son, catching flies and... Bugs with a flick of our tongue; though you are a toad and I a frog we still might have a little polliwog, live in a pond with snakes and crocs we might even be stir fried in a wok, you have swarthy brown skin, big eyes and no chin, so what do you say... Come and move in, to my pad, oh that's so good, real and slang, just like I should, but bugs aren't my kind of meal, rather pizza that is real, loaded with sausage and... Carbohydrates – pizza’s an outmoded food that raises high weight rates and brings heart aches by the score, cuz there’s people dying now that never died before - QED, so you see, you’d be much better off, on the whole, with a bowl of … Lentils, so then you'll ventils, gassy farts, while at Wal-Mart, as others wonder what stinks, "Has a gas main gone on the blink," then you blow your partner off the bed, 'til she wishes you had eaten bread, or cheese that... And the poem goes on...
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