New Years Eve, 1991

New Year's Eve, 1991

NOTE: This is a companion piece to Cathy Celesia's "Anything For You" and attempts to explain what happened on that fateful night Gail and Lynette refer to in her play. The characters and incidents are all inspired by Ms. Celesia and my thanks go out to her.

(Lights up on a sofa, where GAIL, RICHARD, and GEORGE are all seated. GAIL is in the middle of the two men. They stare towards the audience, ostensibly watching TV. GEORGE has his feet on the coffee table in front of them and his arm around GAIL. RICHARD takes a drink of his peach margarita and places it on the coffee table.)

RICHARD: Get in here, Lynette. Lynette! What happened to you?

(LYNETTE enters, staggering as though drunk and holding a peach margarita in her hand.)

LYNETTE: Is it next year yet?

GEORGE: (without taking his eyes off of the TV) Not even close. We got time.

LYNETTE: Goodie goodie. I like this year.

(She takes a few more staggering steps, unable to keep her balance. The margarita sloshes around in the cup and some of it spills on the floor.)

RICHARD: (rising, angry) Oh, for God’s sake, Lynette.

LYNETTE: Oopsie daisy.

GAIL: (rising) Let me get it, Richard.

RICHARD: I can do it. She’s my wife.

GEORGE: (distracted, still staring at the TV) Then why don’t you look after your wife and let Gail look after her carpet?

(GAIL shoots GEORGE a look that says, “Don’t start.”)

GAIL: (to LYNETTE) Why don’t you sit down, honey? (She takes the glass out of LYNETTE’s hand and turns to RICHARD on her way out.) I think she’s had enough of these, don’t you?

(GAIL walks briskly off. RICHARD starts to guide LYNETTE back to the sofa.)

RICHARD: Okay, sweetie, Gail’s right. Just come over here and sit down – (LYNETTE sits on the floor in front of the sofa, just next to the coffee table.) Okay, then.

(He sits behind her. They pass a beat watching TV in silence.)

LYNETTE: Why do you suppose Dick Clark never changes?

RICHARD: What?

LYNETTE: Dick Clark. He looks exactly the same way he has for years. He looks the same as he did when he did that game show with the pyramid, remember? (beat) He does the same show every year. I mean, they could make a recording of his voice saying the number of the years for the next three hundred years and play back the same show with minor edits for three hundred years, and no one would know the difference.

GEORGE: (beat) Huh.

(GAIL comes back in with paper towels and carpet cleaner. She kneels by the spot on the floor and works and talks busily.)

GAIL: Oh, that’ll come up nicely. See, I told you, George. Isn’t it a good thing we didn’t get that white carpet you wanted after all? It would always be stained and we would do nothing but clean it. I told you it would be smarter to get a darker color carpet that wouldn’t show as much. And I know you thought dark green was a crazy idea, but it came out really well. It doesn’t look like grass at all, does it? And it goes with everything in here.

(She takes her place next to her husband on the sofa.)

GEORGE: (absently) No, it doesn’t look like grass, sweetie.

(LYNETTE takes a long drink of her husband’s margarita, which has been left on the coffee table in her grasp. She slams the glass down and stands up too quickly. Her sickness shows on her face.)

LYNETTE: Ugh.

(RICHARD and GAIL both shoot out of their chairs and take a side of her. GEORGE barely looks up, then goes back to the TV.)

GAIL: Come here, honey.

RICHARD: Oh my God, I’m so sorry about all this.

GAIL: No, don’t worry about it. (to LYNETTE) Let’s get you into the bathroom.

(LYNETTE tries a couple of steps but can’t make them without leaning crazily on her husband and friend. GAIL is clearly unable to support the strain. RICHARD grunts and picks LYNETTE up, carrying her off, while GAIL follows, mother hen-ish, behind. Their voices come from offstage.)

RICHARD: I can’t believe she did this.

GAIL: Oh, Richard, it happens.

RICHARD: I keep telling her not to do this. I do just what they say: I keep telling her how much her drinking is hurting me personally and she keeps getting drunker than ever.

GAIL: It’s no big concern.

RICHARD: It’s my big concern.

GAIL: Look, why don’t you go out into the living room and I’ll stay here with Lynette, okay? You go out and cool off and I’ll stay and watch her.

RICHARD: Fine. (He comes back into the living room and flops himself on the sofa next to GEORGE.) What am I doing wrong, huh? I sit her down, I explain to her that it makes me very upset to see her drunk and sick. I explain that it’s out of love and kindness that I am asking her not to keep drinking the way she does. And it’s as though I never talked to her at all. It’s as though my talking to her only makes it worse.

GEORGE: (absently) Maybe it does.

RICHARD: I love her and I want to help her. And she loves me. She’s my wife and I want to protect her. Is that too goddammed much for a man to ask?

(GAIL comes back in. She is much more quiet.)

GAIL: She’s through being sick. You should go in and help her, Richard. (beat) She asked for you.

(RICHARD stands and gives GAIL an apologetic thump on the shoulder before walking off. GAIL goes back to the sofa and sits next to her husband.)

GAIL: (hesitatingly) Honey?

GEORGE: Huh?

GAIL: How many people do you think a person can be in love with at one time?

GEORGE: What? What are you asking?

GAIL: How many people do you think a person can be in love with at one time?

(GEORGE looks away from the TV for the first time to study his wife.)

GEORGE: Are you saying you’re not in love with me? Are you in love with someone else?

GAIL: (laughs) No, no, honey. It was only a question.

GEORGE: (looks back to TV) Okay then. (beat) Well, only one, I imagine.

GAIL: That’s what I thought too.

(RICHARD enters, supporting LYNETTE, who obviously still doesn’t feel well. He helps her to the sofa, where she lays down, her head on GAIL’s lap and her feet over the arm of the sofa. RICHARD sits on the floor in front of her, next to the coffee table, the way she was sitting before. GAIL strokes the hair back from LYNETTE’s face tenderly. They pass a few moments in silence.)

GEORGE: She’s right.

RICHARD: What?

GEORGE: Dick Clark never changes.

(Lights out.)