Goodbye, Mom

Goodbye, Mom


You're gone forever now!
Reposing in mauve steel
'Neath mounds of kneaded dirt.
Rosary beads entwined
'tween once caring fingers.
Rosebuds, never to bloom,
patterned in beads, hang mere
inches above your head.
Their sweet fragrance fading,
as did your scented life.

Tears of loss, grief, and guilt
torment my soul to its core.
Staining drops will not cleanse
the sin of selfishness.
You were always here for me...
as if nothing else mattered;
Waiting for phone calls,
or visits that were so rare.
My life was occupied;
I had my own family.

Will not plead your forgiveness;
My suffering spirit deserves none.
Merely whisper secrets and dreams
to you in my mind now as
I visit carved, cold granite stone,
Praying sweet memories
someday mellow the pain.
I love you, Mom, always
have, always will. Sorry,
I didn't make the time.

Thought you'd always be here.

Note from Kathleen: Please know that I am still blessed with time. This was written one weekend after I had planned to visit mom but came up with a multitude of reasons why I was too busy to find a few hours for her. I read my own words and vowed to myself that there is no reason important enough NOT to make the time.

I know the day will come when I will read these words and wonder if I created enough time!

It's not always easy to be the condiment of our sandwiched generation...but I now realize that someday, I'll wish I could once again be the smearing of mustard that held the sandwich together!

*Addition: Mom did leave us on September 1, 2005, two years and 20 days after I first wrote this reminder.* Did I make the time? Although I think I did, it wasn't enough...with Mom gone now, could never have been enough.