I Dared To Dream

It was one of those moments that, if I could live it over, it would be very different. Though, in this circumstance, the only thing different was, that I wasn't as intimidated by it all. I found myself back in Air Force basic training. Again, I went through all the physical training aspects, the rifle range, obstacle course and the hours of marching. Thank goodness my sub-conscious mind left out all the class room parts. That would've made it all very boring, but back to this dream.

I made it through the weeks of training with flying colors in a fast forwarding that dreams often take. My squadron had gained a town pass from our diligent efforts. We all excitedly tossed off the combat fatigues and began getting into jeans and sweatshirts until our TI (Technical Instructor) came in to announce that a male squadron, assigned to the base, would be escorting us. There was a mad scramble as each woman began to dress up, opting for dresses, heels and makeup over the less formal attire. I, too, dressed with excitement. After all the weeks of rigorous training, I was overwhelmed by desires to once again be with a man, even if it were not my husband.

When all of us were ready, we assembled outside our barracks; the male squadron approached, their steps light and full of promise. For a full moment, both parties stood opposite each other, inspecting, deciding who would be a match. Pairing off was done quickly as if it were a preordained ritual. Each woman going to a man with a magnetism, fingers of both parties intertwining, a confirmation of acceptation.

I was still left standing alone and one man; our eyes locked on each other. I felt my heart stir with its rapid beating within my chest. The man before me stood tall, with sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes, dressed impeccably in navy blue slacks, a white shirt with a priest like collar, and a blue waistcoat. Moving in unison, we came together; eyes still entranced.

From that point on, the dream moved in fast forward again. I had a wonderful time, dancing and laughing but that Cinderella time came all too fast. TIs appeared to tell us it was time to return to the base. With some reluctance, all the couples, holding hands in quiet solace, walked slowly back, determined to stretch out the moment. Some wanted to retire with each other, going to the private rooms of the men. This was not to be. TIs split us up; mournful cries filled the night air. I, on the other hand, voiced loudly and staunchly, that I refused. I stood brazenly, refusing to budge on my own, when hands grabbed my arms and drug me into the female barracks.

I was sullen, undressing and donning a simple cotton nightgown when my stubbornness came to a full-blown conclusion. Chin raised defiantly; I calmly walked out of the barracks amidst verbal orders to stop and threats of disobedience of a direct order. I just didn't care; all I cared about was seeing the man who made me feel like a princess one last time.

With bare feet slapping silently, I traversed across the base to his barracks. People stepped out of my way, watching with curious faces the crazy woman in a nightgown. I took the stair steps one at a time; I could sense him close by. I found him stretched out on the floor next to a long couch and, for the entire world, looking like a pouting boy. It was obvious that he was not happy with the outcome of the night either.

His face lit up as I approach him, a smile spreading across his handsome face. I squatted next to him, leaning forward until our lips met in a deep kiss. I broke it off, looking into his fascinating hazel eyes and speaking quietly, "Thank you, I now know that, although you are a wonderful person, I love my husband more. Good-bye." I stood and walked away, never looking back.

I awoke from my dream, realizing, that even in that twilight state, I was faithful to the man I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. Even dreams cannot tempt me.


*note: This dream occurred two years ago, before his affairs, before I knew he no longer loved me and, subsequently, took his life. At least I have the knowledge in my heart, that I truely loved him.