Dot-Com Dating

The dating scene is a scary thing. Fear of rejection, fear of never finding Mr. Right (or Almost-Right), fear that Mr. Never-In-A-Million-Years will think you are his Ms. Right.

Ugh! Who needs that kind of stress?

And yet, it is the desire of 99.9% of us to find "The One". That special person to care for and who will care for us. The human psyche is not wired for loneliness.

To this end, Dating Services were invented to assist people in this ever-more bustling world in finding one another. After all who, in this day and age, really has the time to hunt for a prospective mate? With the advent of hi-speed DSL internet access, some genius decided checking out a dating service would be less hassle, more private and less embarrassing if it were done over the internet. We now have a plethora of cyber-dating sites like Cupid.com, Lavalife.com and Match.com, each one just chock-full of eager, lonely Lotharios and Lothariettes.

With the advent of dot-com dating services, you can get a whole slew of potential Romeos or Juliettes with the click of a mouse. You also have the choice of close to home or far afield. The problem, as I see it, is how do you know if what you see is really what you get? After all, a photo on these sites isn't required (though it is highly recommended). And, even if one is posted, are we sure it's the picture of the actual person? It could be his/her best friend (ala the movie "The Truth About Cats And Dogs"). Not to mention the wonders one can accomplish with Windows PhotoShop and a handy computer.

No, no, the term "pig-in-a-poke" reverberates through the recesses of the brain when contemplating the dot-com dating scene. It's like the doctor telling the expectant mom the ultrasound results show she's having a girl and she gives birth to a boy. Even with today's technology you can never be sure 'til you see for yourself.

After all, aren't most of us inclined to stretch the truth about ourselves just a teeny weeny bit? It's human nature to want to make ourselves look or sound good. I've seen pictures of people who describe themselves as "athletic with a few extra pounds" who would be wheezing and gasping for air if they tried to jog 10 yards.

What's worse are the descriptions with no picture so that your imagination runs wild. The guy who describes himself as "tough-acting but a big teddy bear who loves motorcycles" in your imagination turns into a Hells' Angel with bad teeth, stringy gray hair in a pony tail and a tattoo that reads "Mamas' Boy... NOT" on his bicep.

So, which is scarier, the real-world dating scene or the dot-com scene? At least in the real world you can find out right away if you want to date him/her again. In the cyber-world you only have the written word (which one can take time to think about) and the picture...

Although, come to think of it, there are times those two things are more than enough. For example, the description that states the perfect match is "self-sufficient" can often be translated to "has money and will spend it freely on me since I have none of my own".

And some of those pictures! You've got the studly Adonis who knows he's attractive and doesn't care if you realize he's a self-centered egotist since he's looking for someone just like himself (tho' he may not realize it and he won't like her because she's self-centered and it interferes with his self-centeredness). Or the "cool" shot (ski-cap encased head tilted back, eyes 1/2 closed) that looks more like someones' boogers froze and they want you to check for snot-cicles.

And how about the sex-kitten who's trying for the "sensually rumpled" look and only succeeds in looking like she just dragged out of bed after a three day illness and got caught in the middle of a sneeze. Really, if one is going to go the dot-com dating route, one should have an honest friend assess and opine on the picture one is planning to post before it's put on the internet for the world to see. The bait is meant to entice, not cause convulsive laughter.

In the final analysis of reality vs. dot-com, I believe it's a case of "6 of one, 1/2 a dozen of another". You have the same chances for success or failure with both, it depends on you. I guess it's just a matter of a) how brave are you, are you willing to take chances? and, b) do you have a sense of humor? Whichever route you choose to follow, a sense of humor will take you farther and make the trip easier. If you don't believe me, log on to one of the available dot-com match-sites and take a look at some of the pictures plastered there for the world to see.

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Please remember, any site that is unsecured or you are not positive is trustworthy, NEVER give out personal information, such as home address, phone or credit card numbers. Believe it or not, some salacious rogues use these sites as a trap for the unwary, trusting soul. ALWAYS err on the side of caution!