Rodeo Daze

I live in the Provincial capital of Alberta. Edmonton is mostly populated by liberal leaning, reasonable people (well when they're not behind the wheel of a car anyway, but that's a different story). This is why it's such a mystery to me how we get the elected officials we do. Case in point, the proposed celebration of the upcoming Canadian Finals Rodeo.

Every year, the Finals come To Edmonton. I'm not entirely sure why. There aren't a lot of farms in the city limits. Country music is not the be all and end all of existence here. Heck, aside from the Premier, most folks up here seem to prefer a nice wine cooler to a six pack of beer. Despite all this, the Rodeo comes to town every year, and people get cowboy fever. Horses can be seen everywhere. Cowboy hats outnumber touques for at least two weeks (a pretty impressive feat considering this is mid-November and the temperatures are mid-"I stuck my hand out the window to check the temperature and two of my fingers are still out there"). Leather boot sales are higher than any other time of the year.

It draws tourists, which is a good thing, I suppose. The locals mostly seem to get a kick out of it too, so all is good, and in a few weeks everything goes back to normal. Well not this year. This year is the ninetieth Anniversary of the event, and the mayor wants to make it something everyone will remember. I think he's found a way, although not necessarily remembered the way he'd like it to be.

To make a long story short, the plan is to have a real cattle drive through the city, down the main street of downtown no less. I don't think this is what the Chamber of Commerce had in mind when they talked about downtown revitalization. Granted it will make things more convenient for the fast food industry, but still...

Well, let's look at some of the potential problems with this brilliant concept. First off, main street in Downtown Edmonton has never quite been finished. They're always working on it. As such, we could be treated to a redoing of Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump around all the potholes. I don't even want to think about what's going to happen when one of the cows gets too friendly with a bulldozer.

Second problem, as previously stated, the rodeo takes place in the middle of November. This is not the warmest time of the year, and Edmonton is pretty far North. As I write this, it is Halloween and there is snow on the ground, more falling, and the streets are icy. Main Street Downtown has a lot of storefronts and office buildings. When a stationary glass building front meets a charging bull that has just lost control on the icy streets, it rarely works out well for the glass. I guess the new moral is, "People who live in glass houses should not drive cattle through the icy streets if they want their insurance to stay reasonable."

A third problem we might have in this proposed lunacy is the Edmonton Convention Centre. Those who are not familiar with our fair city may not be aware that the current centre (that's how we spell here up north!) is built on a hill leading down into the river valley. After they built it, it was discovered that the hill hadn't quite finished settling yet, and that the centre was slowly sliding down into the river. Well, I don't think a slow slide will be a problem after Crouching Bovine Hidden Black Ice goes ahead.

A final problem might be this. Edmonton is a big city, relatively speaking. The Downtown tends to be busy on a Friday afternoon (when they plan to hold this event). I believe I mentioned in passing how Edmontonians are not known to be the world's most courteous drivers. I think I'll be running the betting pool on how many cows and how many cars will be totaled by the time this wraps up.

Despite my misgivings, I do see one potential positive. We shouldn't have a problem with unemployment in Edmonton after this is over. Between the construction and repair work on downtown buildings, and the sudden need for a scooper patrol to dig out frozen cow pies, there should be work for the whole city for months.

I think next year I'm going to ask City Council for a refund on my taxes. If this is what they are using the money for, they really don't need any more.

Oh well, maybe I'll see Bessie there.