One Day At A Time

Today is Thursday, November 27, 2003, Thanksgiving Day. Six years ago today, I met my husband for the first time. I lost him on March 22, 2003 to suicide. As I spend my first Thanksgiving alone, I had to write down the feelings that I am experiencing. I thank you all for allowing me to vent these feelings here today.

I try to take it one day at a time
To put aside all my pain and guilt
Remembering the good times
And how our relationship was built

But you stole them from me
Took all those precious memories away
Left me with millions of questions
When you took your life that day

The news of your demise
Ripped me apart
Tore from me wails of grief
And shattered my fragile heart

Blaming myself in teary silence
I drove over seven hundred miles
Fighting with demons
Facing endless denials

I struggled to maintain a stalwart heart
Tried hard to keep all my grief hidden
Held up my head and wore my black
Still the tears came to me unbidden

I was the last person to see your face
The last to kiss you good-bye
But I was the first to love you
That is something you cannot deny

Now I hold all that remains of you
Within a velvet bag and a box of black
Wishing that I had the power
To give you your life back

I felt like I could never endure
And live my life like this
To end the pain like you did
Became my greatest wish

But, that's not the solution
No, that's not how it can be
Living life one day at a time
Is the only way I can set myself free