Rant on Less

Americans have fallen in love with less.

Not less in respect to material possessions, and certainly not less in regards to eating habits, if semi-recent polls are any indication. No, I meant that statement in a far more literal way. Americans have fallen in love with “less.”

“There are less and less birds in that area every year.”

“I need less textbooks this year.”

“He seems to have less marbles than before.”

Does anything about those above three sentences sound awkward to you? I hope so. I’m not one to go after grammar errors much, but this one bothers me in the same way that a knife through the neck can be considered mildly annoying. It gets under my skin and ferments there. Grows mold colonies there.

“Less” is NOT equivalent to “fewer.”

The word “less” is used when discussing a quantity, something not measured in individual units. Water, sand, time, etc. But NOT liters of water, grains of sand, minutes of time. For those you must use “fewer.” If you say, “this glass has less water in it than it used to,” then you are being correct. Few people get this wrong. After all, who says “this glass has fewer water in it than it used to”? It makes no sense at all. So why do people insist on using “less” when it makes just as little sense?

“There are fewer and fewer birds in that area every year.”

“I need fewer textbooks this year.”

“He seems to have fewer marbles than before.”

These are correct. Don’t they sound so much nicer? So much more pleasing to the ear? Don’t they? DON’T THEY?????

*loud crashing noises*

HEY! GERROFF ME!

“You have the right to remain silent. Every nerdy thing you say can and will be used against you by all non-nerds for the rest of your life. You have no right to a lawyer, and if you can afford one, then that money will be confiscated and used in support of PAN: People Against Nerds. Now come along silently.”

UNHAND ME, CRETIN! HEY YOU, READER, DON’T LET THEM DO IT TO YOU, TOO! EMBRACE YOUR NERDINESS! USE PROPER GRAMMAR! OW, BLASTITALL, LET GO OF ME! I DEMAND TO SEE LYNN TRUSS! LET GO OF ME!!!!!!



This message has been brought to you by NAG: Nerds Advancing Grammar. Thank you.
         -Warm-blooded Winterdrake