Letter to God

Letter to God
(after a miscarriage)

I struggle so with the “you could have healed her” accusation. This analytical mind wants to know the why’s of such awful pain- a “purpose” to excuse this gaping wound in my heart.

Jesus- Your suffering- the pain it caused Mary- it all had a reason. Don’t you see how this helps us live with the tragedy of what happened to You? God “could have” sent legions of angels to deliver You, but then there would have been no redemption for us.

What did our little baby’s death gain for anyone? If it was to spare her the pain of a life of handicap, then why spare some and not others? Besides, doesn’t that give validity to the arguments of those who say that it is better that the handicapped never be born? Isn’t that just a divine abortion?

No! I cannot accept that line of reasoning!

My husband says some things just happen for no reason. That seems the cruelest of all- for You to hold back Your hand for no reason. So…I am back to “there must be a reason”.

Maybe You’re just teaching me real trust- accepting You even without any sense of purpose or understanding. I know that is what is guiding my steps these days- blind stumbling down Your path, whether it makes sense or not.



1st place in The Prayer Board, March 2005