Dear "Hormonally Challenged"...

Dear "Hormonally Challenged",

You make an astute observation in your first answered inquiry; that two of womanhood's greatest challenges, menstruation and menopause, begin with the prefix "men". I would add to yours my own assertion that these challenges keep women as dizzingly occupied in the 'bottom half of the ninth' of life as they do during the national anthem. However, a portion your experience with the marvels of menopause has proved, in my circumstance at least, oppositional to many of mine.

I underwent a natural but abrupt menopause at age 43, only to find that with the "change of life", my heretofore languishing libido was shifting into overdrive ~ with a vengeance. This evolution proved to be the birthing process of a new, vibrant, dynamically charged life force demanding to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, I also soon discovered that males in my own age group (men of sufficient chronological attainment to recognize the 1950's as a meaningful decade rather than the tail end of the Ice Age) were, in terms of libido,experiencing a corresponding 'dawn of decline'. It occurs to me now, a full decade later, that R.O.D.S. ("Reversal of Desire Syndrome") represents the embodiment of yet another of God's little guffaws in life; something akin to His annual birthday tidings of, "Wrinkles are My little way of saying... I'm stepping on your face."

This peculiarly polarized set of your menopausally-induced experiences and mine may well be product of my opting to take HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) with an accompanying comprehension and acceptance of the risks associated with same. (Given the deleterious impact of menopause on my short-term memory, the foundational precepts of this decision were swiftly distilled to a bottom line issue of 'estrogen vs. forgetting where I put my face'.) Now age 53 and at an unprecedented pinnacle of sensual awareness, I find myself in a mirror-image position compared to that which I resentfully occupied as a younger woman... my desire is insatiable but the men are pooped! It is widely reported that Charlie Chaplin fathered a child at age 90. My experience, however, strongly suggests that this conception MUST have been the result of some sort of enormously rare planetary alignment; some wholly random, once-in-a-billion-century event. Perhaps a chance episode of cosmic improper backing or celestially-induced nocturnal emissions is to blame ~ or perhaps abundantly fertile women truly CAN conceive from ill-timed toilet seat contacts when such celestial prompts prevail. The truth is out there...

Seek out younger men, you say? I frequently ponder that option ~ often with, shall we say... intense fervor. But my pesky preference for maturity, intellectual capacity exceeding that of toadstools, and a life philosophy transcending "The Peter Pan Big Bang Theory" in a potential 'significant other' overrides even the most ear-splitting shrieks of unrequited passion with inexhorable and oft-lamented consistency. I inevitably ultimately opt for leaving the cradle to my younger 'sisters in femininity' to rock. Viagra, then, emerges as the only viable option ~ provided an unsuspecting suitor is willing to risk a stroke in exchange for a fleeting (though memorable) encounter involving multiple 'strokes of the enjoyable kind'. Out of respect for the concepts of healthy living and informed choice, I'm reduced to beating my breast and crying out to the gods, "What price, late-stage sexuality?!" But then, I digress...

My intended though now bifurcated point is simply this: menopause often plays its cruelest card in the form of immensely enhanced and heightened libido, ladies ~ so gather thy petals while ye may! For I am here to attest that post-menopausal existence can strew your path with naught but seed pods... abundant, prolific, laden with promise ~ and not one of their number able to find fertile soil. Ain't life a gas?

Yours in menopausal meanderings,
Of Fire Born

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The above tongue-in-cheek letter was penned in reponse to the following entry, posted by the VERY literarily talented Wystful in my "Menopausal Musings" Forum:

"Definitely Hormonally Challenged..."

Have you ever noticed that two of women's most difficult phases in life start with 'men'? Menstruation and Menopause.

What I find interesting is that with menopause, which I went through at the age of 33, one of the effects is a lack of libido. Ever wonder if the wording of this condition is deliberate? Most women do take a pause from men since the lack of desire goes with not being able to tolerate the opposite sex in the same room with you. Not to mention sleeping with him snuggled up next to you when you are hot, having night sweats, and want to strangle him because his snoring is like fingernails on a blackboard. Then to top it all off, he is constantly asking you what's wrong when your hormones are playing havoc with your emotions, you are exhausted from the insomnia (another symptom), and you don't know what the hell IS wrong!

Do you suppose if we just strangled them we could plead justifiable homicide due to temporary hormonal insanity? If it were a female, menopausal jury I would guarantee it.

THANK YOU, Wystful , for your beautifully stated, highly humorous post! The "Menopausal Musings Forum" hopes you'll grace us with a return visit soon!

Writing is a talent innate within all of us... listen to your heart sing and copy down the words!

(Thank you so much to Orion's SLAMmin Moon for this beautiful Sig!)

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