The Sock Monster

Why is it that whenever you want to wear a specific pair of socks, one of them disappears? And, it is never a brand spanking new pair of socks. Its a pair that you've had for a few weeks. You have already had plenty of time to walk, skip, jump, twirl, hop, and dance your way into the idea that these socks are just the coolest most cozy socks ever. And, boy, you wish you had a dozen pairs just like them. But, there never can be another pair like these socks. That's what makes them so special. That's what makes them so cool. That, is what makes them so tasty.

Everyone knows that there is a weird little monster that lives in everybody's house, and eats their socks. They call him the "sock monster." People say that he lives in the dryer. I would only agree with that if your dryer was in the basement. Because, as everyone knows, creepy monsters live in the basement. Or, the attic. But, I don't think a sock monster would live in the attic. That's just absurd. The commute from the attic to the basement or laundry room would be too risky. Someone would have caught him by now.

Plus, I don't think he lives in your house. Or, my house. Or, anybody's house. I think he travels into your house when he's hungry. That's when the dryer is on. The smell of it makes him hungry. Like, when your mom is fixing your favorite dinner. And, you can smell it from your room. You get really hungry, and want to eat it. The dryer always smells good when it is on. And, if you liked socks, that would be the best smell ever, I suppose.

He's really good at being sneaky too. I'm pretty sure that he sneaks into houses from an elaborate system of underground tunnels. They lead to super secret hidden doors close to your dryer. He lurks about when no one is around, and snatches your socks without you knowing it. (He's got to be sneaky, or he'll get caught.)

Then, he takes them back to his secret sock fortress (also hidden underground). He runs around all day with mismatched socks on his hands and feet. He uses them as carpet and picture frames. He even puts them in the oven and microwave. Everywhere you look, there are socks: from wall to wall, and floor to ceiling. But, there are no towels. Because, he only likes socks.

So, if you are ever fortunate enough to visit him for dinner: Bring a towel. He sure could use one.