|When is too much too much? At what point do you make the choice not to give up, but still you must set the person free? Relationships are full of hardships and test. However, when it's the person's life, do you fight to hold on to the love, putting their life in danger or do you release them so that they can be free? I know and I made that choice. To put the other person first, to do what I knew was right. Seeing the one you love in pain and the slashes from cutting and attempted suicide . . . then blaming yourself for the pain you put them through trying to help. Though they see it as an attack on them, you struggle to protect them. I write this beforehand because I feel it is necessary for you to understand the situation of this story. Although this was the end of the relationship, I even now still pray for this person. For her happiness, her safety and her freedom from the bonds of pain in which she suffered from for the short while I knew her.
It was a dark, lonely day as my step-dad drove me to school. I went forward to do something that I had feared since the beginning. The fear consumed me and I spoke to God.
"Why?" I asked. "Why must it come to this?"
The blue Jeep Grand Cherokee I rode in, struck potholeís in the road, splashing water up to the windows in great sprays. The clouds were black and the feelings in my heart were the same, full of sadness and fear. We arrived at the school, different from custom I jumped out without saying anything.
"Good luck Jeremy" my step dad said.
WIth no reply, I shouldered my backpack and began down a long path through the ninth grade center.
I began to think about Kylee, my girlfriend who I dreaded seeing today. What I knew I had to do was different then my personal feelings. But I was putting her first.
Through many covered walkways, that gave little shelter from the downpour, I journeyed towards the Band hall. At last reaching two double blue doors, I opened them and began to search for one of my friends. One who had been with me through all my times of arrogance and pain. A person I had ignored, though then I found myself regretting it. I found her where I knew she would be; busy practicing in the percussion room and talking to are many friends within the Brazoswood Drumline. I pulled her outside into the hallway; From the look in my eyes, I'm sure she could tell something was wrong.
"Iím doing it." I said.
"What?" she replied. But I feel at this point she already had an idea what I was to tell her.
"I have no choice, the pain is becoming unbearable. I have to set her free. The cuts were to deep last time. I couldn't bear to see her like that again. If she kills herself over the pain I cause trying to help her I could never forgive myself."
She stared back at me, speechless, what could she say?
"Iím here for you, and you know it."
That was enough for me, she hugged me and I turned to another set of blue doors and a long hallway. I had come to the end, I parted the doors and I saw her. She ran to me jumping into my arms. She kissed me on the cheek.
"I thought you werenít going to be here!" she said. Her blue eyes were as alive as her smile. Her auburn hair, as beautiful as ever, softly caressing my hands. I sat her down and pulled her to the side hugging her deeply and long. Her scarred arms wrapped around me, the small lacerations burdened my heart every time I saw them. Pulling away I looked into her eyes.
"I canít keep going."
"What do you mean?" she said, tears slowly began to fill her eyes.
"I love you; I donít want to give up. But you shouldnít have to choose between me and your best friend. I don't want to see you cut yourself and bleed over the pain of the words that your best friend speaks about me. It was me too, I'm sorry for what I've regretfully said, I didn't mean to hurt you. I tried to help. I didn't want it to come to this and you know it but I have to do what I must to protect you. Iím breaking up with you."
I could see the sorrow in her eyes. But if it was fake or not I didn't know. I felt apart of her died at that very moment.
"Its not the witchcraft." I countinued. "I knew when I asked you out you were intrested in that. Your life is more important than this relationship to me."
Her eyes filled with tears then anger as she looked away. As I began to walk back into the band hall I heard the sound of her striking the glass with her hands, I turned, and her face was covered in tears. I was on the verge of doing the same. Many saw me but none approached as I walked through the band hall in the direction of the covered walkways. A friend of mine named Meaggen passed me; I stopped her and told her what had happened. She said, "Oh, Iím sorry." and kept walking.
I felt abandoned; I had struggled to save a soul that was tormented by Satan. Her strict Mormon parents turned a blind eye to their daughterís struggles. The cutting and suicide attempts, the fear of loneliness and her controlling best friend hateing me for my Christian faith; I felt alone, her friends began bothering almost immediately:
"Will you go out with me? So do you like me?" they would ask.
I couldnít stand it. My friend Kristi spread the word to the people who had tried their best to discourage me from dating Kylee. They tried to tell me of the danger and torment I would be putting myself through. I began into the rain; the sky in all its blackness covered me. The rain was like needles on my skin, the thunder and lightning shook the ground as I rounded the side of the building. Through the windows I saw all I had struggled for collapsed in the arms of her best friend. I felt it was my fault and that I had caused her pain. I went back to her and it seemed like she didnít know me. Like the words we had said to each other as I held her during the time of my greatest happiness were nothing and empty. From that day on, she never again looked into my eyes as she once had. I felt her soul was lost to Satan and I blamed myself. Now, as I sit here nearly a year and half writing this, I still remember that dark stormy day when my heart was stained with the tainted love and memory of what is now the past. I still think about that girl, the one who still has a place within my heart. But the girl I once knew is dead. Now like a lost person in a darkening world, she ignores all I had ever striven to do. The old her, a memory of the past who I believed tried to cry out one last time before she was forever lost. I will not forget you Kylee. As long as there is breath within me, I will forever have hope in you and the saving grace of God that I pray you one day take into your heart.
If you will, please go read this!