Decision

I’ve a sack of kittens
to drown along the creek.

         Damned vermin

         muttered pa
         tying off the burlap in an even tighter knot,
         handing me the frantic mews

         and be quick, boy.

         His eyes narrowed with distrust
         because the first time, I let the kittens go,
         gnawing & ripping pa’s knot
         until its loosened ends fell slack.

         When out they poured, all paws and eyes,
         I was a hero, it felt so good to save them
         until pa spotted one making its way back to its ma
         and he knew what I had done, how I had lied
         when I’d looked directly at his left eyebrow and said: they’re dead, pa.

         That time he yanked me down to the creek bed
         and pushed my head underwater
         and under again till I was blue and I was gasping and I knew to do as I was told

so now I’ve another sack of kittens
to drown along the creek

unless

I let them go again,
gnawing & ripping pa’s even tighter knot
until its loosened ends fall slack

and out they’ll pour, all paws and eyes;
I will be a hero; it will feel so good to save them,
and this time when pa asks about the kittens
I will tell him the truth: I will never drown the kittens, pa

and I don't know what pa will do
but I have made this decision.

I will never drown the kittens.