Jack and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time, not too long ago, there lived a young man named Jack and his mother. They were very poor and hungry.

"I'm tired of being poor and hungry," declared his mum.

"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Jack. He got a whack on the head for his cheekiness.

"All we have left in the world is our cow Bess. I want you to take her into town and trade her," she explained.

"Trade her for what?" Jack saw his mum raise her hand threateningly. "Oh, you mean for food!"

"There's a good lad. Off you go, then!"

She hustled him out the door.

Jack hitched up Bess with a rope and walked into town. He wasn't the brightest of young men; being easily distracted, lazy, and prone to daydreaming. So it was no surprise when he was approached by a shady-looking character in a long blue cloak.

"Ho there, Jack!" cried a voice. It was the man in the cloak.

"Er...hello?" he replied timidly. He didn't recognize this man one bit.

"You don't know me but I know you! Fine lookin' cow you got there...say, you wouldn't be looking to trade her, would you?" The stranger had pushed back his hood to reveal a face of questionable intentions.

"Well..." Jack pondered for a bit. Actually, it was longer than a bit. It was more like a severe gap in the conversation to the point where the mysterious stranger lost his patience.

"Look here, kid. I haven't got all day, you know. Tell you what I'll do. Since I can see you're a man of great thought, I'll trade you these magic beans for your cow. How does that sound?"

Jack watched as the stranger flourished his hands and produce a small black velvet pouch.

"Magic beans? What makes 'em magic?" Jack asked with suspicion.

"Oh, ho! Magic beans they are! Just plant one and you shall see wondrous things!" exclaimed the stranger.

"Well...I guess so," Jack finally agreed. They traded their goods and were soon on their separate ways.

His mum was not pleased. In fact, she whacked him on the head.

"Magic beans? For our cow?! Jack, you are a nincompoop!" she shrieked. With that, she tossed the small bag of beans out the window, where they were promptly forgotten.

At least temporarily.

They went to bed hungry that night and dreamed of food. When they awoke in the morning, Jack was surprised as he looked out the window.

"Mum!" he cried. "Come take a look at this!"

His mum was amazed.

"It's a giant beanstalk. When'd you plant a beanstalk, son?"

"I didn't, Mum. Where do you think it goes?"

"Up, I imagine. Why don't you climb it and find out?" she suggested.

So he did. He climbed for what felt like hours. He climbed until the cottage looked like a speck on the ground. He climbed until he was amongst the clouds. He climbed until...he bumped his head against something sturdy and wooden.

It was a trapdoor. In the clouds.

"What the-" he began. But then he remembered he was in a children's story, so he stopped himself. To his amazement the trapdoor opened upward all by itself.

So he climbed on through it.

He thought he was in a forest at first. Closer inspection showed that the trees were a bit funny. They had enormous petals on them for one thing. It was then he realized he was in a flower garden. A very large flower garden.

After walking for a bit, he came to a low stone wall. He was in the process of climbing it when he heard the most beautiful singing voice ever.

"Well, I'll be. That's got to be the most beautiful singing voice ever," he commented in awe. It was coming from beyond the wall. Once he'd climbed up, he discovered that he was at the threshold to a very large house.

Luckily, he was small enough to crawl under the door. The singing was louder now, coming from the top of an enormous table. He also heard a faint honking sound.

"Hmmm, whoever's singing must have a little head cold," he surmised. There was only one way to go now and that was up. He shimmied and climbed to the top of the table.

Imagine his surprise when he found out the source of the singing was a delicate golden harp, playing all on its own. The honking came from a goose in a cage. It squawked again, suddenly laying a golden egg.

"My mum would sure love a goose like that. And I wouldn't mind having that harp for my own," he muttered to himself. He looked around furtively to see if anyone else was about. Nope, he was all alone.

So he nicked the harp and the goose. It wasn't easy getting down off the table. The harp made his task harder by playing even louder. When he got to the floor, he heard someone coming. A very large someone.

"Fee, fie, fo, fum, where the heck has me harp done gone?" asked a surprised voice.

Jack saw giant feet heading his way. They were connected to giant legs and a giant body. In fact, it was--

"A giant!" he breathed in awe.

"Fee, fie, fo, fay, you will not get away!" yelled the giant angrily.

That's when Jack knew he'd been spotted. He made a dash for the door, scooting under it neatly with both harp and goose (which started honking again and trying to nip at his ear).

The earth rumbled as the giant gave chase but Jack was quicker. He'd never shimmied down anything so fast in his life once he'd reached that beanstalk. Gravity did help some in his descent, and he slid the last few feet to the ground.

His mum was waiting for him.

"Took you long enough, didn't it?" she said testily.

Wordlessly, Jack thrust the harp and the goose into her arms. She was still firing questions at him when he grabbed up his axe and began hacking away at the beanstalk.

"Now what are you doing? Where'd you get this noisy harp? Why is this goose trying to bite my nose? What did you find up there?"

Between chops, he answered as best he could. Thankfully it didn't take long for the beanstalk to fall. They both gazed upward and saw a large figure near the top. It was the giant. He fell to his death and the ground shook when he landed.

"So I guess that's it, then," Jack remarked, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"I suppose so. Awful lucky of you to get that goose. Those golden eggs will come in handy. And I suppose that harp's not so bad either," his mum said, stepping over a small pile of golden eggs.

Jack grinned sheepishly.

"So I did all right, Mum?"

"Yes you did, my lad. For once, you did."

She put her arm around him affectionately and together they went into the cottage.

The next day the postman delivered a letter from an attorney's office. It seemed Jack was being sued by the wife of the giant for the loss of her husband and her property. When Jack's mum found out, she promptly whacked him on the head.

"Now you've gone and done it!" she scolded him.

"But Mum-"

"No, I'll hear nothing of the sort! Now I want you to go to town and find a lawyer who'll represent you. Think you can do that without bungling it?"

"Yes." Jack bowed his head shamefully and shuffled out the cottage door.

As he neared the village, he noticed a stranger in a cloak.

"Ho there, Jack!" cried the stranger. "I'll bet you're in the market for a lawyer, aren't you?"

The young man eyed him suspiciously.

"Aren't you the same fellow who sold me some beans for my cow yesterday?" he asked with a frown.

"Nope. Must've been my erm...brother", he replied hastily.


"Oh, well. All right then. Do you know a good lawyer?" Jack asked.

"Sure do. I'm just the man you need!" The stranger flourished his hands and produced a small card. He handed it to Jack.

"What's this?"

"My card. Look, I know you're in a bit of trouble involving that giant incident yesterday. I've got a way out of that mess that'll keep you from ever having to go to court."

"Really?"

"Sure do. Just listen." The stranger put his arm around Jack's shoulders confidently and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

After a few moments, the young man nodded his head in agreement. Then the stranger pushed a small bag into Jack's hand and they parted ways.

When he got home, his mum was waiting for him. She stood by the door with her arms folded and glared at him.

"Well, how did you do?" she demanded.

"How did I do what?" Jack asked.

His mum raised her whacking hand meaningfully.

"Oh, that. No problems, Mum. Got it all sorted out."

"You did, did you?"

"Yep, I got me another sackful of beans here. And I got me a plan to fix all our troubles with them giants."

"You do?"

Then Jack told his mum of the plan the stranger had related to him. She nodded her head after a bit.

"That might just work!"

So his mum tossed out the beans, just as she'd done the day before. The next morning, there was another bean stalk growing beside the remains of the other one. Jack shimmied up and came to the trapdoor in the clouds before long.

This time, he wasn't after treasure. He had other things in mind. Thankfully, there was plenty of room for them in there.

He found the giant's widow without too much difficulty. She never noticed him though. Nor did she notice that her tea tasted any different after he'd slipped the tablets into it.

Jack left as quietly as he'd entered and made his way down the beanstalk without any trouble.

After chopping down the massive growth, he and his mum watched it fall to the ground with a huge rumble.

"Think that's the end of that?" Jack asked her.

"I should hope so. Or you know what you'll get", she replied as she raised her hand menacingly.

They were lucky, however, and that was the end of that.