Bobby Saves the Earth

Bobby Saves the Earth

I sat slumped at the kitchen table, my chin resting on my knuckles, and loudly exhaled. Through the window I saw the snow coming down in fat, frigid flakes. I never thought I could be sick of winter, but the snow seemed like it would never stop, and it was so cold my mom wouldn't let me play outdoors -- not that I wanted to anyhow. I didn't want my nose to turn blue and fall off.

Mom must have heard me sigh because she stopped washing dishes, dried
her hands on a towel, and walked over to me. "Bored, Bobby?"

"Yeah, Mom. I almost wish school was open. At least that would give
me something to do."

"Nothing on TV?" she asked.

"Soap operas. If we had The Cartoon Channel . . ." I hinted.

"Nice try, kiddo. Cable TV is way down the list of things we need
around here." She thumped the back of my head with her finger. "Go read a
book."

I grunted. Then I sat up straight in my chair. "Hey, Mom . . . what's
red, has six legs, a nose like a bugle, and a mouth like a waffle iron?"

"You know I'm no good at guessing your silly riddles, Bobby."

"It's no riddle," I said, pointing out the window. "It's in the
backyard."

She bent to see what I was pointing at, turned pale, made a sound
like, "Ook! Woggle?", and slowly slid down the wall to the kitchen floor.

"Mom?" I said, kneeling beside her. She was out cold. Until then I
thought people only fainted on TV and in the movies. Cool.

When I tried the telephone, to dial 9-1-1, there was only a swishing
air sound, and I noticed then that the lights in the kitchen were also off.
The creature must have somehow disturbed the electrical power.

The thing in the backyard just stood there with its arms waving
around. I guessed the neighborly thing to do would be go out and introduce
myself. After getting into my heavy coat, gloves, and cap, I went outdoors
and approached the creature. "Hi," I said. "I'm Bobby."

It turned its bug eyes on me and, surprisingly, returned my greeting
in English. "Hello, small creature. Are you in charge here?"

Thinking of Mom being zonked out inside, I answered, "Yes, I am. Who
are you, and what do you want?"

"I am Breswick from the Gorf galaxy. I am here to conquer your
planet."

"Uh, all by yourself?" I asked, looking to see if there were any more
like it around.

"Of course. I am my planet's strongest fighter. If I beat your best
fighter, I win your planet. If I lose, I call my intergalactic ship to pick
me up and bother you no more."

The creature wore only a thin, silvery-looking suit and suddenly
shivered so hard he looked like he was having a fit. "What is this white
material on the ground, and why am I uncomfortable in this atmosphere? I have
little bumps all over my body."

I scooped up a handful of snow, packed it into a snowball, and threw
it at him.

"Yurvitz!" he shrilled through his waffle iron lips.

"It's just snow. And the air is cold. You have goosebumps. Don't you
have cold on your planet?"

He shook his head. "My world does not have these things. But enough
talk. Since you are the one in charge, you get to select your choice of
combat," he said, extending his foot-long, yellow tongue to catch a snowflake.

The fate of Earth was in my hands. That can't be good, I thought. Then
I had an idea. "I'll be right back. I have to get something from the house," I
told Breswick.

"Then we will engage in combat?"

I nodded and ran inside.

Mom was still a motionless heap on the floor. No help there. I ran to my room, rummaged through my closet, found what I was looking for, and then hurried back to the kitchen. After a moment there, I dashed back outside, hoping my plan would work.

Breswick was really shaking when I got back outdoors. His red skin had
paled to pink. "Are you ready, Bob-ee?" he asked, his teeth chattering.

"I'm ready. But you promise if I win the contest you'll leave,
right?"

"It is our way," he nodded solemnly.

"Okay. Follow me."

I tromped through the snow to the metal clothesline pole. "Here's
the deal. On Earth we have a competition to see who can do something the
fastest. You get on that side of the pole on your knees, and I'll get on this
side. When I say 'go', we'll both lick the pole. The one who can stand up the
fastest wins."

"This is all? You have already lost then, Bob-ee, because I am very
fast."

We took our positions, and I yelled "Go!"

Breswick's long tongue flashed out and immediately stuck to the icy
pole, as did mine. I quickly tipped the warm water from the small test tube I held hidden in my hand over my tongue, releasing it from the pole. I jumped to my feet. I knew that chemistry set would come in handy someday!

Poor Breswick tried to stand up, but, as the skin began to tear from
his tongue, he sank back to his knees. "Ow! Eh huts! Geh meh lus! You win!"

I took a second test tube from my coat pocket, removed the cork, and
poured the warm water over Breswick's half-skinned tongue. He leaped up,
fanning his tongue with three of his hands. Tears filled his bug eyes, and I
sort of felt sorry for him. It wasn't my fault, though, that he didn't have
cold on his planet and had no idea what happens when someone is dumb enough to
stick their tongue on frosty metal. I'd learned the lesson years before when I
licked an ice tray from the refrigerator.

Lifting an arm to his mouth, he spoke a strange language into a
bracelet around his wrist. A round, blue-glowing spaceship immediately appeared
overhead. A door opened in the bottom of the ship, and Breswick was sucked up
into the vessel.

Looking down at me, he nodded. "You have beaten me, Bob-ee. I salute
you. As is our custom, I leave you this small reward."

I barely got out of the way before something landed in the snow at my
feet. When I looked back up, the ship was gone.

I dug down through the snow until I found the object and tried to pick
it up, but it was too heavy for one hand. Grunting, I lifted it with both hands
and cradled it against my stomach as I walked, bow-legged and straining, into
the house. The thing must have weighed twenty pounds.

I managed to lug it to the kitchen and roll it onto the table. Whew!
What a reward . . . a twenty pound boulder!

"Bobby?" Mom's voice said from behind me.

"You okay, Mom?" I asked, helping her to her feet, where she wavered
unsteadily.

"I-I think so. I thought I saw . . ."

"You did see it, Mom," I said, then told her the whole story of how
I'd saved the Earth from aliens.

"What have I told you about fibbing, young man?"

"But look! He left this for me. It's a big rock," I said, patting the
gleaming, yellow boulder.

She stepped over and brushed the still-melting snow from the object
and examined it closely. Her eyes got almost as buggy as Breswick's and kind of
rolled around in her head. "Oh, my, Bobby. This is go-gold!"

For the second time that day Mom slid down the wall into a limp lump
on the floor. This time, however, she had the biggest grin on her face.

I had a feeling that The Cartoon Channel wasn't going to be a problem
anymore.