chapter seventeen

13 April 1974

Susie called her dad to wish him a happy birthday but wasn’t able to hold him long. Forty. And acting like he hadn’t even remembered. Or maybe he was trying to avoid thinking about it. She guessed he hadn’t bothered to tell anyone in California that it was his fortieth birthday and wouldn’t be celebrating at all, as he should be. Most of the time, she didn’t miss not having extra money to just go do as she wished when she wished, but it would have been nice to fly out and surprise him, to insist he celebrate. They would be missing Easter together, too.

But Duncan had agreed to go with them to Evan’s mom’s house for the weekend. And it was nearly time to leave. Forcing herself away from the phone, Susie went to finish gathering her overnight bag. She didn’t need to take much, since her room in the big house had remained her room, with her old hair dryer and other basics still there. Of course, Evan’s room was also the same as when he’d moved out, and Duncan would stay in the room John usually occupied when he visited. Susie wondered if he had changed his mind yet about going. He had seemed very hesitant when Evan had asked him, agreeing only after she had pushed him to go. Maybe she shouldn’t have. She didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. But she also didn’t want him to stay in the apartment alone, and Susie couldn’t refuse to go.

Zipping her bag, she took it out to the door, unzipping it again to add her umbrella. The sky was fairly gray, and it nearly always rained on Easter, not that she would be leaving the house, anyway. But if she didn’t take it, she would want it. Standing, staring at the bag as though it would tell her if she forgot anything, she jumped at the doorbell. Already? Weren’t they early? Glancing at her watch, she was surprised at how late it was. Nearly eight a.m. and she knew Evan would be before eight, not right at, or after. Her thoughts were distracting, making her pause before answering. Maybe Duncan had refused after all, and she could stay so he wouldn’t be alone for the holiday. Why couldn’t Evan’s mom just come out to stay with them for the weekend instead? Susie liked to be home. She was comfortable in her own apartment. She’d never been comfortable in Glenn Heights. But maybe it would be different. This time, she was taking her boyfriend with her. She wouldn’t be the only outsider.

He grinned when she opened the door. It would be okay. He hadn’t changed his mind. The leather vest over his shoulders showed that he was ready to travel, and she was ready to travel with him. What would the Glenn Heights society snobs say about him?

“G’ mornin’.”

She didn’t care what they would say. “I was afraid you’d change your mind.”

“Y’ thought I wouldn’t go after you asked if I would?” Duncan’s eyes drifted along her frame, taking in the long jeans skirt she’d made from two old pairs of her seam-worn bell bottoms and the loose long-sleeved blouse with denim-colored print. “Why are y’ dressing up for people you do no’ want t’ see?”

People she didn’t want to see? “Who said…” She stopped. He remembered their conversation, from the little diner, when she’d told him she hadn’t fit into her hometown. “Okay, so maybe I was hoping you’d change your mind so I’d have a reason not to go.”

“You would no’ stay here over the holiday if I did no’ go.” He leaned against the door frame. “You and Ev go every year.”

“Yeah, but…” Would she? She had never refused to go for her own sake. Would she for his? “Yes. I was kidding about changing your mind, but … I would stay if you did. If you’d want me to; not if I’d be in the way.”

“It is your home. Y’ should be home for the holiday.”

“You’re not.”

His chin raised. His body straightened, pulling away from the door frame, pulling closer to her. “So you would dessert your family just so I would no’ be alone over the weekend?”

“If you would want me here.”

His fingers caressed her cheek, slid into her hair. “Do no’ doubt tha’ I would want you here. Bu’ I would not ask you to do that.”

Susie slipped her arms around his waist, raising her head to be closer, nearly close enough to feel his breath. “It’s nice to know you’d want me. And you wouldn’t have to ask.” She accepted his kiss, pushing in against the warmth of his body, clenching her fingers tighter on his back. The door across the hall opening interrupted but she barely allowed him to move away. She didn’t look at Evan when he apologized. His tone didn’t sound very apologetic.

Stepping back inside long enough to grab her things, Susie became more serious about wishing the two of them could stay in Lakewood for the weekend, together … alone.

****

Returning to work after her long weekend, Susie withdrew from the coldness of her coworkers by allowing reflections of the past four days. She, Duncan, and Evan had all taken Monday off in order to avoid driving back on Easter Sunday, giving her the two days of driving and two full days in Glenn Heights to be with Duncan without obligations stepping in the middle. Evan’s mom had seemed surprised at her son’s buddy, until he had begun talking with her. Not just with them all as a group, but with her personally. They got along well. And Diane wasn’t at all bothered to find out Susie was dating him. It made it easier for Duncan to talk Susie into showing him around town the morning after they’d arrived … a walking tour, alone. After the drive, she had enjoyed stretching her legs, and had especially enjoyed walking the sidewalks of her hometown with him by her side, showing him off, trying not to laugh when he purposely drew into conversation whomever recognized and purposely snubbed her. The accent caught their attention. His friendly manner pulled them in. Several had actually told her it was nice to see her again. Of course, she knew they didn’t mean it. But she thought it funny they would say so.

Driving out of Glenn Heights early Monday morning, Susie looked at the passing town, this time wearing her own sunglasses but looking at it through Duncan’s eyes. She could literally feel the opressive weight normally associated with the town vanishing. Their small-minded attitudes simply didn’t matter to her any longer. She was more than glad to be able to say she didn’t fit in there.

During the rest of the torturous work week, she continued to go back into her memories. Sitting out on the porch swing in the back yard, talking. Or just sitting, allowing the peace of the chirping crickets and the soft breeze to enter their beings. Walking along the perimeter of the large yard and finding a spot out of clear view of the house windows where they merged closer. Evan had hung around with them during the days but had cleared away every evening. He used the time to chat with his mom. Susie used the time to allow his buddy more deeply into her soul. She was getting too hooked. She could feel it, but had no longing to fight it.

21 April

Evan stole glances through his rear-view mirror. Susie was sitting directly behind him, head turned, talking to Janet. With her hair pulled back into a tight braid, Susie’s profile, including the elegant line of her chin and neck, was totally uncovered. He loved it that way, with the skin showing and soft curves forming an artistic vision that would have suited a Renaissance sculpture. Traffic was heavy, however, limiting his viewing sessions. Probably a good thing, Evan mused, since his girlfriend was in the back of the car, along with her son, and since Duncan was in the front with him.

His buddy hadn’t been crazy about Stu’s idea to go to the beach. Evan wasn’t sure why, but he was sure Duncan would have refused if Susie hadn’t been excited about the idea. She loved the water and especially the ocean and her energy rubbed off on the rest of them, her boyfriend in particular. He kept looking back at her, also, answering whenever she managed to break through Janet’s conversation to pull him in. The attempts were obvious. She wasn’t happy about being stuck in the back, away from him. But Jared was still in a booster seat and Janet didn’t want it in the front. So Susie had given in to be polite.

Mike, Doug, and Stu followed in the van, along with their dates. Evan was glad Janet had agreed to come along. He didn’t mind being on his own when one of the other guys were, also, but with Stu inviting the girl he’d met at their last gig, Evan would have been a third wheel to Duncan and Susie. They constantly tried to include him during the week when they got together, and though he appreciated the thought, and whatever time he could steal with her, it was getting … harder to accept. She was pulling away from him and it killed him to have to take second place in her life. He never expected it. He had expected his two friends would get along okay after getting to know each other, but he never expected Duncan to take over where he should have been.

She was happy, though. And her attitude was changing. Even the Glenn Heights trip hadn’t bothered her. Selfishly, Evan couldn’t miss being her knight who always rescued her from the snubbing. They never dared treat her that way when the two of them were together. From what she had said about their walk through the town, she hadn’t had to worry about it, anyway. And she had returned to the house more relaxed than she ever had before.

He looked back again, this time at Jared’s fussing. The three-year-old was tired of being in the car, after only 45 minutes. They had another half an hour, at least; probably more with the heavy Sunday morning traffic. He watched Janet attempt to calm him and Susie try to distract him. Nothing worked. Finally, Evan offered to pull over at the next rest stop to let him out for a few minutes. Doug would think he was crazy. They never stopped on the way.

Susie didn’t wait for Janet to pull the boy from his seat. She stepped out beside Evan, watching his face, and moved close to set a hand on his shoulder. “Doug’s gonna think we’re crazy, you know.”

Evan saw the question in the other driver’s face when he stepped out of the van. Janet was still trying to get her son to cooperate. The boy didn’t want to get out. At least he could answer Susie without his girlfriend overhearing. “That was my thought, exactly. And we’re both right.” He nodded toward Doug approaching.

“Everything okay?”

Susie dropped her hand and grinned. “We’re tired of driving.”

His raised eybrows lowered again with their focus on the activity on the opposite side of the car. Jared had allowed Duncan to pull him out. The child had also stopped yelling. This side of his buddy surprised Evan. The few times he had been around Jared himself, he’d found him uncontrollable, undisciplined. He wouldn’t attempt to interfere, though. It wasn’t his business.

Janet was relieved at the help. She looked apologetic. “He’s not in the car much. We don’t go anywhere.”

“It’s all right. We’re not in a hurry.” Evan walked around to take over, grasping the boy’s hand, pointing out the small play area, telling the others they would only be a few minutes. Janet walked with them. Susie claimed Duncan’s side. Evan had to wonder whether it would be harder to get the child back in the car or to separate his two friends again for the remainder of the road trip.



The child was harder. Between the constant whining from the back and the Sunday drivers either flying in and around or barely moving, Evan’s nerves were near breaking point by the time they arrived. He decided he wouldn’t be asking for a repeat performance any time in the near future.

But Susie’s face when she stepped out of his car softened his resolve. If it came up again, he wouldn’t refuse. Not if she was going. Even if he wasn’t actually with her.

Jared was hesitant about walking through the rough, loose sand, so Evan carried him down to a clear area where it had been compacted by the water during a higher tide. Luckily, the beach was mostly empty, as early as it was in the season. He didn’t expect they would be doing much swimming. The Atlantic along the Northeast coast in April wasn’t exactly spa warmth. But the heat of the sun, even by only late morning, made a trickle of sweat run down his back by the time he’d carried the squirming child and then helped to put up their volleyball net. Stu and Mike had removed their shirts already, as did Kate, who lounged in her bikini on her beach towel and threw remarks at Duncan to join the party and strip.

Susie looked back at her friend. “Kate, there’s a minor present.” Holding one side of the net, she raised to her toes to hook it to the pole. Her feet, like her legs, were bare, showing every curve; her perfect dancer’s arch, the professionally-toned calf and thigh muscles, the latter barely covered by shorts that fit her shape exactly, exquisitely.

“He doesn’t know what I’m saying. And you don’t want your boyfriend to get a farmer’s tan, do you? I’d be fussing at Mike if he hadn’t stripped for me already.”

“Baby, I’ll strip for you any time.” Mike threw her a wink. “So why do you care if he does?”

“Better watch those promises, Bud. And you know as well as I do that she doesn’t have the nerve to ask him herself.” Kate ignored Susie's look. “Besides, I only meant the shirt, but I can request more, if you want, Suse.”

Duncan stopped untwisting the rope, turning to Kate, not bothering to avert his eyes from her reclining figure. “Well, y’ can request what you want, bu’ it will no’ do y’ any good. I do no’ have as much to be worth lookin’ at as you do.”

Kate sat up. “Really? I have your attention, do I?”

“I am no’ blind.”

Evan watched Susie’s reaction. She didn’t seem to care. Mike wasn’t so sure he didn’t. Allison and Stu’s date were also watching Susie, wondering at her thoughts. Janet was disgusted; not by Duncan, who she seemed to like, but her attitude about Kate seemed to match Evan’s.

“Wanna go for a swim with me? I could use a bodyguard. And you don’t swim fully dressed, right?” Kate stood, brushing sand from her skin that wasn’t actually there.

Duncan grinned. “If you do no’ know how t’ swim, maybe y’ should no’ go so deep into the water.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem.” She began moving closer. “I can swim. And I’m not afraid to jump right in.”

“Go jump in with your own boyfriend.” Susie stepped between them, in front of Duncan, sliding a hand around his back. “I think you’re my bodyguard today, unless you’re tired of me already.”

“Tired of you? No’ possible.” He kissed her, arms wrapping around her waist. In front of everyone. And she didn’t stop him.



They played volleyball until the heat rose, including Stu’s bickering with his date. She nagged at him when he missed the ball. She nagged at him when he flirted with Kate and Susie and Allison. He had only tried to flirt with Janet once, catching on that she didn’t think it was funny as the others did. Susie flirted back. Stu’s date quit speaking to her, then began spiking the ball directly toward her, once making her duck to avoid being hit in the face. Duncan asked her if she was ready to try the water, pulling her out of the fire line. Stu finally nagged back at the girl.

Evan went to help Janet and Jared with their sand castle construction, looking over at Stu’s remarks about Susie’s “stripping” to her two piece suit. He didn’t learn fast, or he was purposely annoying his date. It worked either way and she walked over to talk to a couple of guys nearby. Stu shrugged and resigned himself to hanging with Doug and Allison. Good thing Alli was so patient.

As he expected, none of them stayed in the water long. Jared had insisted on trying but changed his mind when the water smacked at his bare toes. Janet never bothered to reveal her swim wear. She said it was cold enough on her feet. Stu challenged them all to a relay, taken up by Mike and Doug. And Evan agreed. The cold water and physical exercise would be refreshing after baking in the sun and trying to make small talk that had to include a three year old. In the midst of his band mates, he pulled his shirt off and taunted his buddy who was so far just watching.

“Come on, Man. I know you can swim.” He had pulled Duncan into the college pool now and then in order to work out together, once losing him to a girl who had watched their “competition” for a time before approaching. Evan had assured him it was fine and had done a few more laps before returning to his room to call Susie.

“I am playin’ bodyguard today.” He grinned at his girlfriend.

“He’s chicken shit!” Stu laughed. “All those muscles and you’re afraid of getting shown up, right? Hell, I can’t swim worth a shit, but I’m going.”

“Don’t refuse on my account. I’ll stay out of the water ‘till you’re back.” Susie smiled at him, pulling her towel around her wet shoulders.

Duncan hesitated, looking out over the ocean. Something was unsettling him. He looked back at Kate, who taunted further about not going in too deep if he couldn’t swim, then gave in, handing Susie his towel. They set their mark as a rock protruding in the distance. Evan and Duncan pushed each other, and their muscles, as much as they could possibly push. They stayed close most of the way, until Duncan surged ahead at the last minute.

Reaching the shore again just after his buddy, and looking back to make sure the others weren’t too far behind, Evan shook his head, his lungs expanding and contracting quickly from the exertion. “Just didn’t want to show the rest of us up, right?” He chuckled. He had totally expected to be beat.

Duncan accepted the towel from Susie and rubbed it over his face and head. “Well, hell, I had a bunch of smartass comments pushing me on.”

“And a new girlfriend to impress.” Janet handed Evan a towel and smiled at her friend.

“Well, if that was the reason you accepted the challenge, it wasn’t necessary.” Susie’s face, watching Duncan as he rubbed the towel down his chest then laid it around his neck, showed unadulterated admiration. It was such a completely different look than his buddy was used to getting, and Evan could see how much it meant. He wondered if Susie had any idea just how much she was affecting him; how much Duncan had relaxed in the time he had been around her. He was becoming … a different person … someone who could very well become good enough for her.

The rest of the group interrupted and they all decided it was time to pull out the food they’d brought along. Stu had lost his date to one of the guys she’d left to talk to and ended up taking over with Jared while they all lounged on their beach towels letting their meals digest. He repeatedly allowed the child to bury him part way in the sand just to jump out of it and make him laugh. Janet became more appreciative of Stu and more relaxed about showing Evan some affection in front of the others. Not much, but more than she ever had. It was enough. He didn’t want that pushed too far in front of Susie, anyway, not that it mattered. His buddy had no qualms about showing how attracted he was, or how much he enjoyed being close to her.

Something hit his chest, pulling his eyes away.

“Up to some more volleyball?” Mike’s look said that he had caught Evan staring at her. He hoped no one else had. Mike had to know, anyway, or at least have an idea.

“Sure.”

Susie didn’t want to play again. Kate wanted to tan her “back side.” Janet didn’t like volleyball. So he teamed up with Mike against Stu, Doug, and Allison. Duncan couldn’t be talked into it this time, even with the comments being thrown from his antagonist.

Shaking his head, Duncan looked over at him. “Y’ know, I did no’ lose my date today.”

“Ohhh, now that was low. But damn, if I had your date, I wouldn’t have been flirting with anyone else. You’re just lucky you didn’t lose her the way you were eyeing Mike’s date.”

Susie chuckled. “And you think I don’t look?”

Evan glanced over. Look at what? Stu stated the question he wouldn’t dare say out loud.

“Turn about is fair play, right?” She looked past Evan to wink at Mike. Then she got up. “Doug, can I borrow the van for a minute?”

“The keys are in the cooler.”

****

Susie changed quickly, glad Doug had tinted all of the windows. Still, she was uncomfortable, though she’d locked the doors behind her, and tried to stay low while pulling off the damp swim suit and replacing it with her dry clothes. She loved the water, but once out of it, preferred to be dry. And it was too cold to want to get back in.

Returning to the group, ignoring Stu’s expected comments, she gathered her nerve and went back to Duncan, interrupting Kate’s insisting that she needed more oil on her back. “Hey, Mike, when you get a minute, your girlfriend wants her back oiled, and I’m taking him away from her.”

Kate looked up. “Damn are you possessive. It’s just skin.”

“Uh huh. Your skin. Like I need that kind of competition.” She grinned at her friend and met Duncan’s eyes. “Wanna walk with me? There’s something I want to show you.”

He stood, not bothering to ask where they were going. He simply let her lead, grasping her fingers when their arms rubbed.

They walked silently, in bare feet, listening to the fading voices behind them and the seagulls above. Making new tracks in the otherwise clean sand, unmarked except for abandoned sea shells and water-smoothed rocks along the shore. They stayed close enough to the ocean that it lapped up and chilled their toes every several steps. She didn’t mind the occasional cold since the sun was still keeping her warm enough, though she did wish she’d remembered to grab her sweats for later when evening began to descend.

He stopped her, moving close enough that she could feel the warmth from his body. “Y’ are no’ upset with me?”

Upset? “About what?”

“Y’ know I would no’ actually try anything with Kate, even if we were no’ dating. I do no’ move in on someone else’s girl.”

She chuckled. “I know you wouldn’t, and neither would she. Not with you. Not since she knows….”

“Knows what?”

Susie looked out toward the ocean, avoiding his stare.

His fingers pulled her back, softly. “She knows what?”

She hesitated still. How much could she let herself say? How much did he really want to know? His silence urged her on. Her heart beat harder. She wanted to feel his kiss, to avoid saying anything and just show him. But he held back, waiting for her answer. Susie breathed deeply, attempting to release her fear with the exhalation. “She knows….” How could she tell him? Quickly, without being too intense about it, hopefully without scaring him. “That this matters enough to me that I would never speak to her again if she interfered. That you matter to me more than anyone else I’ve ever dated.” She waited, watching his face, holding as still as possible with only her straggled breathing allowing any movement.

He was silent, holding her eyes, his fingers still touching her face.

Had she scared him? Was it too much? Too soon? Was she acting too possessive, as Kate had suggested? How did she lighten it now?
His fingers moved, sliding up to caress the hair above her ear, continuing around to form to the curve of her head, pulling her closer.

She accepted his kiss. She hadn’t scared him away. It was warmer, both softer and stronger, than any before. Her body reacted, pushing into his, both hands grasping the sun-warmed shirt over his tight back muscles. The water nipped at their feet. Gulls cried overhead. Neither distracted her. They were simply background music.

He began to release her. She could feel him pulling away and nearly allowed the distance. But it was too soon and not enough. Her fingers tightened against his skin, refusing the release. And he came back.

Her breathing was heavy when she finally leaned her head in against his shoulder. She couldn’t walk again yet. Her legs were weak. She felt his fingers stroke her hair, the other hand resting lightly on her lower back. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t walk away from her. The thought of Kate calling her possessive rang through her brain. Okay, so maybe she was. It didn’t seem to be bothering him. And she wasn’t the one who had been constantly touching him while they were sitting together with the others. He was. He had taken every opportunity to touch her, to lean his face close to hers to speak only loud enough for her to hear. To pay complete attention to everything she said, though sometimes ignoring everyone else. And he hadn’t tried to hide it.

“Did you just want t’ ge’ away from everyone?”
His voice sang beside her ear. It was gorgeous. She loved that he didn’t try to hide his accent when they were alone as much as when they were with others.

Susie shook her head, finally raised it. “No. Well, yes, but there is something I wanted you to see. If you don’t mind walking a little farther.”

“Babe, keep kissin’ me like that an’ I will walk anywhere with you.”

“You know, as Kate told Mike, you better be careful about those promises.”

“Are you goin’ t’ hold me to it?”

Searching his eyes, she kept herself from asking if it would actually work if she tried. She couldn’t believe that in such a short time, she would honestly be able to make him stay just by asking him to. She had to say something, though. “I would never want you to do anything against your will, not even for me.” Without letting him answer, she turned, taking his hand and continuing down their unchartered path.

He stopped again when the dock came into view. But he didn’t look at her. He just stood.

“Duncan?”

“Is this what you wanted me t’ see?” His eyes remained ahead, becoming as cool as his manner.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Susie was puzzled. It was just a dock. There was nothing else there, other than the large boulders they’d walked around to get close to it. “Because it’s one of my favorite places. We used to come down here before they closed off the road above. It’s pretty much always deserted now, and I like it even better that way. It’s so quiet.” He didn’t answer. “Was it too far to walk just for this?”

“Your favorite place.”

“One of them. It reminds me of my dad’s cabin, but it's a lot closer. I love coming here. I just thought it would be nice to share it….” His face had clouded; his breathing forced. “What’s wrong? Why are you upset?” Watching while he remained silent, her stomach turned. She had done something wrong, though she couldn’t imagine what. All she’d wanted was to share this with him, to be alone, here, surrounded by the peace. And after their kiss, what he’d said about walking anywhere…. She sighed, let her eyes fall. Already. She hadn’t expected it to last, but … not already.

“We can go back.” Releasing his hand, she started heading away. Away from the dock. Away from whatever she had done wrong.

His hand grasped her arm. She paused, but she didn’t look at him. “Suse … do no’ go.”

“What did I do?” Her voice was forced, not wanting to know, but needing to ask.

“Y’ did no’ do anything.” Her silence brought him closer, head lowering until it nearly touched hers. “Y’ did no’ do anything. I am sorry. It’s … old memories. Some I had tried t’ forget.”

Memories? She thought back, searching her mind for what he had already told her. Had she missed something she shouldn’t have? But he hadn’t said much. Almost nothing. Except … he had grown up by the water. She remembered that.
He touched her face again, then took her hand, turning toward the dock. “Come on.”

“No. If you don’t want to be here, we can go. It’s not that important. If I’d known…”

“It is important, because it matters to you. And we ‘ave already come this far.”

“So we had a nice walk. It’s okay…”

“Babe, I do no’ mean the walkin’. I mean … tha’ I do no’ le’ myself ge’ close t’ anyone. No’ in the last five years and no' much before that. Only Ev. And you. And there are still a lo’ of things Ev does no’ know. He does no’ know why I did no’ want t’ come out here today.”

“You didn’t want to come? Then why did you?”

“Because you did. Because I did no’ want t’ lose any chance t’ have more time with you. Because it matters t’ you.”

Her insides turned, moistening her eyes. “You could have told me. I would have stayed back with you. We still could’ve had the day together.”

He moved in to hold her. She allowed her eyes to close, trying to block out the tears. She’d doubted him. And he was only there for her.
“Come share this with me.” Duncan didn’t wait for her answer. He pulled back and claimed her hand again, walking steadily toward where he didn’t want to be.

Silently, they made their way to the edge of the dock. Susie peered into the water below, finding a large group of small fish. She had no idea what kind they were, though her dad would know. She wondered if Duncan did, but couldn’t look at him. Instead, she focused out toward the ocean. The dock was sheltered by a large cove. In the midst of the huge boulders making a semi-circle around the beach, a gap large enough for a medium-sized boat to fit through allowed a view of the water reaching out to the sky. And it was perfectly clear, with not even a wisp of a cloud breaking the blue mirror throwing its reflection into the water. At the gap, waves rushed up onto the boulders, settling into tiny ripples by the time they reached the dock. She loved the combination of strength and solitude. Pure peace.

Except that he didn’t want to be there.

She turned, looked up at his face. His eyes were still where hers had been. But his thoughts were so different. “Wanna sit with me?”

They softened, the eyes that were even more beautiful than the sky, deeper and more intense. He lowered himself until leaning against one of the supporting poles, allowing one leg to dangle over the edge, the other propped up. Susie accepted his outstretched hand, cuddling as close as she could get, allowing her knee to slide underneath his propped leg, her arm resting on top of it, enjoying the feel of his warm skin.

He leaned in to kiss her head. “Tell me about Nathan.”

Nathan. How did he know…? The guys had been talking. She faced him directly. “What did they tell you?”

“Just tha’ you were dating … for a long while, until he left.”

“And? They must have said more than that.”

“Ev does no’ like him at all. Stuart does.”

She couldn’t help chuckling. “No, Evan never really liked him. He was Stu’s friend. He brought him into the band.”

“Was he any good?”

“He was okay. He played bass. He could do guitar, too, but not as well as Evan. It was … more a hobby for him than a job. Actually, everything was just a hobby to him.”

“Everything?”

Susie allowed a deep breath to calm her. She didn’t want to talk about Nathan. She would rather throw her ex off the dock and into the fish than allow him on it with her. But Duncan was here, asking, forcing himself to be where he didn’t want to be. They had gone this far…. She nodded. “Yes, everything. Including me.”

“What happened? They said they did no’ know.”

“I’m sure they would have told you if they did. It’s not their business, really.”

“Y’ do no’ want to tell me?”

Her eyes drifted back to his. “I didn’t want to be his hobby. I didn’t want to change who I was just to suit his needs. He tried. I refused. So he left.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter. It did, but the whole truth was too embarrassing.

“I can see why Ev did no’ like him if he wanted you t’ change. Bu’ they made it sound like it mattered more t’ you.”

Of course they did. And she couldn’t lie to him. “It did. He … took advantage of the friendship I gave him. Took advantage of the trust. He….” She shook her head. “I cared about him, and he used it against me. I just haven’t … it did change me. I never expected to allow myself to start dating again so soon, to starting trusting anyone again so soon.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Trust being with me.”

“I brought you way out here, didn’t I? Alone.”

“I am glad I am here with you.”

“Are you? We can leave any time.”

He leaned in, touching his lips to hers, waiting for her response, not pushing. She turned further in against him, unable to get as close as she wanted to be, pushing, since he didn’t. Allowing her hand to move around his waist, lower, slipping under his shirt to touch his skin, Susie felt her heart pounding. His lips moved to her neck, her shoulder left revealed by the tank top, again found her mouth. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t leave her. She wanted this. The realization made her understand why it hadn’t worked with Evan. It wasn’t meant to. She had been meant to find him; this man who showed no hesitation about wanting to be with her, who needed her as much as she had to be needed.

There was still something she had to know. “Duncan?” The whisper made him pause, waiting for the rest. “Why didn’t you want to come out here?”

He pulled away, but not far, barely enough to see her face.

“I know, you haven’t even told Evan, and if you’d rather not say…”

“No, I have no’ told Ev, bu’ I will tell you anything y’ want t’ know.”