Writer's First Aid Kit

Writer’s First Aid Kit

(Note, optional uses for materials are not necessarily recommended. Any harm arising through use of materials for other than their intended purpose is not the responsibility of the author. Blame the manufacturer; they should put warning labels on these things.)

Contains:
10 wooden HB (#2) Pencils. Good for writing with, taking standardized tests, and can be used as splints in an emergency.

1 Boston Pencil Sharpener. Can be used to sharpen above pencils, or the blade can be removed for callous removal.

1 roll (4.5 metres, yes metres, we use the metric system in Canada dadgummit!)
For attaching splints, gauze, purse straps, and so on and so forth, and it’s paper tape, so you can write on it too. Dress a wound and write the story of how you got it all at the same time.

1 roll (7.6 metres…who measures this stuff, and how? Do they have a guy with a ruler as the stuff is being rolled?) Scotch tape. Useful for taping things you want to look at later, like the manuscript you thought was your rough draft.

3 Sanford white erasers. Erase stray pencil marks, can also remove indelible marker from laminate. In a pinch, you could also use them to put pressure on a wound.

1 Package Elastoplast bandages, fingertip variety. Maybe get a blister on your little finger; maybe get a blister on your thumb…

1 set lined post it notes. For reminders, bits of plot you meant to add in, tying notes to pigeon’s legs, destroying household pests destroying household pests, how? Well, if they’re bigger than a mouse you can strangle them, and…whoops sorry, wrong joke.

140 page notebook. You can use the paper to staunch bleeding when you cut yourself trying to reassemble your manuscript, or use it to wipe up the liquid paper spills, or ever as a coaster. Oh yeah, I guess you can write on it too, but who’d do something like that?

Merriam-Webster’s Notebook Atlas and Notebook Dictionary. Valuable references and you can roll them up to squash spiders too.

Webster’s English Thesaurus. As above, except it’s a bit thick to roll up. Can be used to smack snoring roommates, however.

And the centre piece of the first aid kit, the Writer’s Block Breaker. Sure it looks like a set of oversized pop sickle sticks, but each one has a plot twist on it. If you get stuck, pick one out and figure out how to work it in to the story. Or, pick 5-10, tape them together and make a story plot skeleton. Give it a try. Guaranteed to work or no money back!