chapter twenty

25 April, second stanza

“What do you think?”

Duncan’s thoughts were beyond words, a rare occasion. Watching her teach was always a priviledge. Being alone in her audience while she practiced her own routines for the show … was well beyond a priviledge. The little makeshift stage in the basement didn’t seem the proper place for such a performance, but he enjoyed its privacy, though the other guys would be down soon to continue preparing for their own show. For the moment, though, she was performing only for him, turning him on in ways never before touched. She began moving closer, waiting for his response. He stood to meet her, grasping the delicate fingers of each hand. “I think you’re incredible.”

She laughed. “And I think you’re slightly biased.”

“Much more than slightly. Bu’ you are incredible.”

Her fingers squeezed his. “Do they look ready for the stage? I’m more nervous this year with the promotion. Everyone expects more from the lead teacher than from everyone else.”

“Y’ are worryin’ for nothing. You are more than ready for a much bigger stage than y’ will have.”

Her eyes lowered.

“Do y’ regret no’ going any further? Getting into a company?”

Raising her head again, Susie met his gaze openly. “I used to. Not any more. I couldn’t be here spending time with you if I had. I may not have ever met you. It wouldn’t be worth losing that.”

Was it another justification? A defense to relieve her regret the way she did by convincing herself she didn’t miss having family? She belonged on the stage in the top ranks of a dance troupe. She had to know that. Inside, she had to know. He touched her face. “We would have met. Differently, maybe, bu’ we would have met somehow.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded. Words were still beyond him. He wanted to show her. “Can I have this dance?”

“I would be honored.”

**

Evan watched as she pulled away from his buddy, lifting her feet one at a time to remove her toe shoes. He told himself to move closer, to let them know he was there, and had been long enough to see most of her ballet routine. He’d stayed back in order not to interrupt, to just watch in silence.

Exquisitely graceful; that’s how he had described her performance the first year she had forced herself to join in the yearly recital. The first two years after moving to the studio in Glenn Heights for lessons, she had refused, abhorring the thought of having so many eyes on her. The third year, Evan had pushed harder, promising he would stand in the wings where she could see him during her performance. She had been the brightest star of the evening, though few had deigned to “lower” themselves enough to admit it to her. It didn’t matter. She had known her routine was flawless. He could still feel the strength of her hug when she left the stage, going directly to him. Nine. She’d only been nine years old but he had loved her already. As a best friend, a spark that encouraged him to be more than he was. She still did.

Now, she went to Duncan, grinning about the music he had turned on, reaching out to accept his hand. And she moved in close, wrapping both arms around his shoulders.

He was singing the words to her, hands resting low on her back, eyes looking directly into hers.

“you’ll marry a music man … ballerina, you must have seen her, dancing in the sand…”

Evan wasn’t close enough to hear; he was barely close enough to see that his buddy was singing to her. One of her favorites. And they moved well together. A natural fit. Something about the song struck his brain. Duncan had mentioned it. When? Letting his thoughts drift to recent conversations, he noticed a discordance between the lyrics and the mouthed words. He was talking; not singing. Susie leaned in, dropping her head to his shoulder, sliding a hand to the back of his neck, entangling her fingers in his hair. She was hooked, too far gone from him to pull her back.

“but oh how it feels so real, lying here, with no one here, only you, and you can hear me…”

The night he nearly left. Duncan said he had heard the music from the basement. Elton John, and Susie had been dancing to this song. It was when he had decided to stay. She was holding him here.

“Evan?”

Startled, he turned.

“What are you doing?”

He was glad it was only Mike, that the other guys hadn’t walked in to find him eavesdropping.

“Oh, she was doing her routines for the recital. I just stopped to watch.”

His friend’s eyes looked back to the stage, eyebrows lifted.

“She just finished. I … was trying to decide whether to interrupt.”

Mike wasn’t buying it. His look said he was waiting for more.

“Okay, I’m eavesdropping. I’d rather she didn’t know that, though.”

“Watching to make sure he’s good enough to her? Is it bothering you?”

Bothering, how? That was the question. Yes, and no. Mostly yes, but not the way Mike was asking.

“Evan, if you’re concerned, maybe you should tell her? You know she would listen…”

“No. Mike, I’m not ….” He looked back to the stage. “He would never push her into anything. I never would have let it start if I was worried about how he would treat her. And he knows that.”

“Does he know how you feel about her? I’ve been wondering … if he’s such a good friend, why he would ask her out if he does.”

Evan turned back, waiting…

“Unless I’m wrong. But I kinda doubt I am.”

“About what?”

“Are you in love with her?”

The words … spoken aloud … caught him off-guard. The music had changed. They were dancing to "Levon." He looked over to find her kissing him. Not lightly, hesitantly, as he had once caught her kissing Nathan, but purely. Deeply.

“Evan.”

His lungs filled, contracting again slowly. “Yes. I am deeply in love with her. I always have been.” The words were bitter-sweet, finally able to be released but still hidden.

“Have you told her?”

He looked at Mike. “No. And you have to keep it to yourself. Including the other guys.”

Crossing his arms in front, Mike turned the corners of his mouth down, thoughtful. “You don’t think maybe she should know? Maybe it would matter to her?”

“Why? Look at them.” He motioned toward the stage. “It would do nothing but cause trouble now.”

His friend shook his head. “Okay, I don’t get it. You’re in love with her but you hooked her up with him and asked her friend to go out with you.”

“Well, hell, it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. I wasn’t asking Janet out. I just wanted Susie to have a friend along so she’d be more comfortable. I figured Janet would be safer than Kate … no offense, but … I just wanted them to get along.”

“It was Susie you were asking out?”

“That was the idea. I sure didn’t expect…”

“You could still tell her. They’re barely dating. It’s not a big thing yet.”

Not a big thing? Hadn’t he been paying attention? “Mike, she’s in love with him. And unless he’s completely crazy….” He shook his head. “It wouldn’t matter, anyway. I’ve given her plenty of opportunities. If she felt the same, she would’ve let me know.”