Unfathomable

Do you remember?
Do you think about me
At anytime after you forced me away?

Did it even occur to you,
The damage you caused?
Or were you so shallow to believe
My life was meaningless,
Compared to your desires?

Was my naivety
An open invitation to use me?
Apparently so,
Since I allowed it to happen.

This anguish buried itself
Ever so deeply in my heart.
Those two weeks
Compared to the amount of weeks in my life
Will forever be etched into
My being.

As I was a lasting notch on your bedpost,
No need for a name,
That time notched itself
Into my being,
My very fiber.

Every ride that comes,
Every chance of love my heart takes
Is now forced to re-live,
Rehash those two weeks,
That changed my life forever.

Never can I look at love
The same way again.
Did it do the same to you?
Did I have any affect on you at all?
Did you miss me after the moment
Those horrible words,
“Never again.”
Spilled from your lips?

Though I may never get
The satisfaction of knowing if
I or my memory
Might’ve partaken in a pain
So deep, so true, so bottomless
As the one you inflicted on me,
It would please me to know
If the golden rule ever
Applied itself to you

To know that you affected my life
In such a way that
I will always carry it with me,
But yet to realize that I was
Nothing more than
A fleeting, nameless thought to you
Constantly leaves me wondering...

Maybe there was a lesson for me to learn
Something I have to realize...
But why should I have to
Continuously re-live this haunting
If it in no way affected you?

A range of feelings seeped
Through those fourteen days,
Things I’ve never felt
Up until that time.
An emotion so deep,
I never realized existed,
I thought unfathomable to feel.

Shock, amazement
Joy, elation
Ecstasy, adoring
Admiration
LOVE
Denial, frustration
Upset, hurt
Betrayed, lied to
Anger, pain
Despair and distraught.

So new to me then,
So familiar to me now...
To believe
You caused all of this to happen to me,
It’s just amazing to think that
Of all the people in the world,
Only one could affect you like that...

Turn your entire life around
Make you alter, change
Every course you take
In a feeling you’ve been longing to feel
Since you heard the fable of it.

No longer can my heart
Ever trust the way it used to,
No longer can I ever let
Love come creeping through.
I’m on my watch,
My guard is
Constantly up.

And even though I tell
Everyone and myself
That I’m okay, and nothing’s changed,
Everything has, and I can’t take it
Back again to how it was.

But it kills me to know,
That fourteen days of this was enough to
Alter my life forever...
And yet...
Do nothing to yours.

I long to hate you,
And everything about you
But I can’t
Since you’re so indifferent to
The fleeting thought
That I once was.