Black and white

Black and white or shades of gray,
I don’t know whether or not to believe what they say,
They tell me that it’s ok, that I’m fine,
Are they liars, these friends of mine?
They don’t want to see my tears,
They turn away blinded from seeing my fears,
I’m a good actress, this I know,
Everyday is another reality show,
They watch me go through the actions,
As I carefully program their reactions,
I direct their emotions, keep them at bay,
All the while painstakingly guarding what I say,
My heart alone stands vigil over my unspeakable woe,
Silently whispering a prayer for someone to know,
Each painful second is a cry issued to the Ones above,
Every night is full of the things lies and secrets are made of,
It’s become too easy to look into my own hateful eyes,
Alone in the dark I turn more well meant promises into happy lies,
I don’t want their pity, that’s what I try to believe,
But another part of me breaks every time that they leave,
Drops of blood fall faster than tears,
Bringing me face to face with all of my fears,
I tell them that I’m sorry, that it’s not a big deal,
Once again hiding all the emotions I’m afraid to feel,
A world without walls, my riddle for them all,
My only voiced pain, my one cryptic call,