Chapter twenty-four

11 May

Duncan glanced at the little clock on the night stand. Just after three in the morning. Aggravated about not being able to sleep, he crossed his arms underneath his head, lying on his back covered with only a sheet and staring at the ceiling in the dark. Ev was asleep. He had been since he hit the pillow. That was nearly as aggravating, though at least his buddy didn’t snore, unlike Stu.

Susie had apparently forgiven Stu for the “hot chick” remark but she was distant with Duncan. Not physically. She never pulled away and had agreed to go sight-see by themselves during their day off yesterday, but hadn’t seemed bothered by the intrusion of Ev and Mike happening to run across them. How, Duncan couldn’t begin to tell. Springfield wasn’t that small.

He wondered if she was asleep. Hopefully, since they had another three shows in a row, four counting the one last night. They had again found a corner alone in the hotel lounge afterwards, but hadn’t stayed long. She was too tired. How she had gotten him to talk so much about his family, Duncan still didn’t know. But she was interested – in his siblings, parents, his activities … he could have said too much, revealed too much about the conflict with his father. She was so close to hers. It would be hard for her to imagine having so little respect for a parent. But then, she hadn’t seemed disapproving, only concerned, bothered that things had been rough.

Yanking the sheet away, he bolted out of bed. He had to get out of the tiny room, go … where? At this time, everything was closed. Except the sidewalks. Pulling into the jeans he’d worn earlier and throwing on a clean T-shirt, Duncan grabbed his room key and wallet, slipped into his shoes, and stayed as quiet as possible getting through the door. The hall was deserted, the only noise from the ice machine. The front desk clerk gave him a strange look but didn’t bother to speak. He could assume whatever he wished.

The emptiness of the streets comforted him, gave him the space to be inside himself, without interference. A mistiness predicted rain. He didn’t care. It was cool, but not so cool that he would be uncomfortable wet. Duncan couldn’t count the times he had hiked through Scotland’s hills during a light rain fall. Of course, this wasn’t nearly the same, with building after building looking all alike, with no real artistic features to bother noticing. Street lights reflected the shimmer of damp cement below him. A few cars went past, with passengers who stared, wondering why he was out so late alone, no doubt. He could have asked them the same. What difference did it make that he was walking at this hour instead of driving? After the days spent trapped inside a bus, the stretch of his muscles reclaiming their usual activity was heaven.

A store window caught his eye. A flower shop. He stopped, checked the hours. Eight a.m. opening. They were scheduled to leave at that time. Pushing forward, he came to a housing section. Narrow, tall buildings held two doors side-by-side, each with a different house number. The small porches had crumbling cement, some with iron fence railings that must have been decorative at an earlier stage of their existence.

A girl stood up from behind one of the railings. “Looking for company?”

Duncan didn’t bother to stop, but slowed his pace enough to answer. “No, and it’s rainin’, you should go in.”

“You’re welcome to come in with me. We can get warm together.”

Turning just beyond where she stood, he studied her face. She was young, dressed well for the offer she was making, not showing anything provocative. The yellow light bulb in her doorway cast highlights in her auburn hair, cropped off just above her shoulders. She seemed afraid he would accept her offer, or she was just cold. Her fingers gripped the railing, bracing herself against the night.

“I ‘ave a girlfriend, bu’ thanks for the offer.”

“Then why are you out here looking so lonely?”

She was trying. He had to give her credit for being so carefully persuasive. “I like t’ walk.”

“But you stopped to talk to me. Sure you don’t wanna come in?”

He grinned, looked down at the sidewalk. “Nah, like I said, I ‘ave a girlfriend.” Retrieving his wallet from his back pocket, he pulled out a couple of twenties, moving close enough to hand them to her. “Go in ou’ of the rain now.”

“I can’t take that for nothing.” Her eyes belied her words. Dark brown, innocent eyes. Young.

“I enjoyed your company.” He released his grip on the bills as hers tightened. “Go on in now.” He stood, waiting as she stared for several seconds before obeying, closing the door with another glance.

With a few more steps, Duncan stopped. The rain was becoming heavier. Noticing a curtain from beside the closed door pulling away enough to reveal the young face, he changed his mind and turned back toward the hotel.

His shoes sloshed through the hotel doorway. The same desk clerk looked up, smirked. Duncan ignored him again, pushed dripping hair out of his face, and returned to his room.

“Duncan?” Ev’s voice was startled, questioning.

“Yeah, just me.”

“Going out? It’s still dark.”

“Just came back in. The shower gonna bother you?” He pushed his tennis shoes off. They would never be dry in … he checked the hotel alarm clock … nearly three hours. It was well after four.

“No. Back in?”

“Took a walk. It’s rainin’.” Pushing his suitcase open, he pulled out clean boxers and headed in to get warmed. The air in the room was cooler on wet skin than it had been when he left.



He woke later than he planned. Ev talked to him barely enough to let him know he was wondering about the late night walk, but Duncan had no interest in attempting to explain. Instead, he put his bags back together, pushed his feet into the wet shoes, and told his buddy he’d be back in a few minutes. Jogging through the hall, he threw Terrell a quick evasive answer and went through the front door. Different desk clerk, he noticed.

Arriving at the little flower shop, he hoped it would open a few minutes early. No sign of activity was apparent from the window. Five ‘till eight. He could imagine Roy yelling at having to wait. It didn’t deter him. Pacing in front of the shop, he checked his watch every minute or so, alternating glances at the window. Eight o’clock went by. He knocked on the glass. Nothing. Five minutes later, he knocked again. He double-checked the sign. Saturday 8:00 a.m.

“She’s always ten minutes late opening.”

Duncan turned at the voice; a man with a cane standing outside the building next door.

“In a hurry?”

“Yeah, have t’ catch a bus.”

“Have a fight with your wife?”

Duncan stared, waiting for an explanation to the question. The man nodded toward the flower shop window. A fight? No, but the same principle, he supposed. “Nah, it’s for my girlfriend. I ‘m no’ married.”

The elderly man came closer, looked in the shop window, banged against the door with his cane. The echo penetrated the quiet streets. “Where you from?” He banged again.

“The U.K.” It didn’t register with the guy. “Close t’ England.”

“Ahh, thought that was some kinda foreign tongue. Your girl from there, too?”

“No. She’s American.” He looked through the window again. Finally, signs of life.

“So you gonna become one of us? For your girl?”

Protective instincts kicked in. Too many questions. The key in the door prevented the necessity for further conversation and he thanked the man for his help before escaping into the shop.

He chose carnations this time. They lasted better and the shop had them in several colors. Picking out a half dozen, all different colors, he waited impatiently while the woman added baby’s breath and greenery and wrapped them, taking her time. He checked his watch again. Roy would be fuming.

Back out on the sidewalk, he thanked the man for his help and resumed his near-jog, nearly bumping into a baby stroller. Excusing himself, he looked up at the mother. The girl from the doorway. She recognized him, blushing and glancing over at an older lady beside her. Plastic bags packed with groceries hung on the stroller handles. The baby was nearly walking age.

Duncan pulled a flower from the bouquet. Susie wouldn’t miss one. The first bouquet he’d given her had also been one short of a half dozen. He handed it to the girl. “An apology for nearly runnin’ you over.” Nodding a quick greeting at the older woman, he went on, returning to his speed walk.

Roy was yelling. Duncan could hear it before he got to the other side of the bus. Ev was his victim, holding his tongue in response to the third degree about where his buddy had gone.
“He is no’ my damn babysitter. Y’ can stop screamin’ at him.”

The two men, and everyone else around, turned. Roy beared down. “Where in the hell have you been? Eight o’clock. You were told to be ready by eight o’clock. It’s nearly nine. What in the hell right do you have…”

Duncan shut him out. Susie was staring at him. Her face registered … fear? relief? He couldn’t quite tell. Evan’s voice calmed Roy’s, said it was barely after eight, it wasn’t a big deal. Duncan walked away from them. She was still staring, standing still, too apparently upset. He heard Terrell telling everyone to get in the bus, but ignored that as easily.

Stopping just in front of her, Duncan raised the bouquet. “There was a shop down the street. I jus’ wanted t’ say that I am glad y’ are here. I know it’s hard and y’ are dealin’ with a lot…”

She threw her arms around him, fingers pressing into his back, her face against his neck. With his free arm, he held her in close. She had to be aware of the stares, even with her head buried into him. But she remained, not moving, not speaking, just clinging. The last time he had been held so tightly was … five years before, when his sister had cried about his leaving home.

Duncan kissed the side of her face, raised his hand to stroke her hair. Still, she didn’t move. Something must have happened. She was too upset. “Suse?”

Her fingers pressed harder.

“What’s wrong, Babe?” He waited, hearing Roy’s continual fussing, the engine of the bus begin to whirl, and various voices swirling around in the distance. She gave him no answer.

Evan walked up behind her, set a hand on her arm. “C’mon, Angel. Everyone’s waiting to go.”

Susie stirred at his voice, his touch. But her attention, and her fingers, remained on their captor, sliding back enough to allow a bit of space between them. “I was afraid something happened.” She didn’t meet his eyes.

His fingers touched her chin, raised it. “It would matter tha’ much t’ you?”

Her eyelids filled. She nodded. He pulled her back in against him.

The booming voice finally separated them. Duncan gave her the flowers and took her free hand, escorting her to a seat as far from the others as he could find.

Tension pervaded throughout the bus, keeping activity low as they left Springfield headed toward … which town was next? He pushed it out of his mind. It didn’t matter. Susie was next to the window, gazing through at the cloudy sky, flowers propped in her arm. She hadn’t released his hand. He figured that was a good sign.

“Do y’ want me t’ set those over here?”

She turned her head, meeting his eyes, but not answering.

“What is it, Suse? Wha’ are y’ thinking so hard about?”

“Your question. From the other day.” Her fingers tightened on his. “You asked if I wanted space.”

Duncan took a deep breath, watching her, wishing he could retract the question from her mind. “Have y’ decided how t’ answer?” He braced himself internally the way the girl on the porch had gripped the metal railing. Holding on, preparing to be ready for what came next.

“Do you want to know? I mean … honestly?”

Maybe he didn’t. But he couldn’t say he didn’t. It wasn’t fair to her. Removing the flowers from her lap, her arm, he set them on the adjacent seat, turned back and claimed both hands. “I want y’ t’ do what is right for you. Answer if y’ want t’ answer.”

“But do you want to know? Are you sure?”

Another breath and the openness of her eyes, her expression, made Duncan have to know, either way. He was letting it matter too much, invade his thoughts too often. He had to know if it was time to start moving back again, protecting himself. Maybe she was doing the same. Trying not to let him matter to her. Afraid of getting further into something she didn’t want. He wasn’t her type. He knew that beyond all doubt. She had to realize it just as well. His admission at the beach that he was starting to fall for her, falling in love with her, was most likely scaring the hell out of her. It scared the hell out of him.

“Yes. Suse, I want t’ know wha’ y’ are thinking. About us. Whatever it is.”

She gazed at him a while longer, her face full of thoughts he wished he could pull from her mind. “I didn’t sleep last night.”

Duncan could have guessed that from the puffiness under her eyes. “Why did y’ not?”

“I felt something was wrong. Not … I’m not sure what it was, but … I thought about calling your room, just to check.”

“Y’ could have.”

“No, it was … really late. Well, early.”

Early. Maybe it was better that she hadn’t.

“I … I felt … too much distance. Like….” She stopped, shook her head. “And then when you were … away this morning … when Evan didn’t even know where you were…. Duncan, I don’t want space.” She looked back up into his eyes. “I don’t want space from you. I … I don’t want to smother you, or get in the way, or…. I don’t want you to think I’m…. You know, when I interrupted that girl, the one trying to hang on you, I didn’t mean…”

He kissed her, releasing her hands to hold her closer, bring her in further against him. Her hesitation waned, disappeared. Her fingers gripped the front of his shirt, pressing against his stomach. The touch, even through the material, was erotic. He forced his thoughts to where they were, on a bus, with the rest of the band. The surrounding noises returned. He released her, calming himself, just enough.

Susie moved the hand to his shoulder, lowering her head against the other.

“Y’ are no’ smotherin’ me, Babe. Bu’ y’ are welcome t’ try.”

Her head raised again. “I thought you were telling me you wanted space.”

He paused. Shook his head. “Nae, I want y’ t’ keep sending those other girls away. Why d’ y’ think I changed roommates?”

She grinned, pressed in closer. “You’ll tell me if I do start smothering you?”

“No.” He kept her from moving away again. “ ‘Cause I want y’ t’ keep tryin’.”