Confessions of a Goblin

“Confessions of a Goblin”
For Ed, who puts the “Sir” in “Sir Chuba”

(Note: This ties in with a story in Goblin Tails called “Of Patrons and Purpose: Hoeing Rows, Defying Dares and Righting Wrongs” by Ed Gentry which can be viewed as a .pdf here: http://poisonclanpress.com/GTDemo.pdf )

Chuba shuffled uncomfortably on the hard wooden bench. His ebony eyes, squinting in the morning light that streamed through the bare windows, shifted back and forth nervously. He pulled his ratty cloak over his head tighter, seeking comfort in its familiar folds. The faded words “Sir Chuba Free” that lay stitched upon the cloak only made Chuba feel even more unclean, more unworthy of the legacy those words represented. He would soon be free of that feeling.

Free of his remorse and guilt.

Sister Eliza of the Church of Arden would be here soon to take it all away.

The Church of Adren was renowned for its kind-hearted clergy and charity to those less fortunate. The gray robed priests, all of them pacifists, forsook all material possessions and took to a life of voluntry poverty. They lived amongst the poor they tended to and gave what ever they earned to the church. It was a pious life style and their goddess’s love for her worshippers was evident in the holy nimbus of light that surrounded all of her places of worship.

Chuba had originally thought the priests were all nuts.

They ate only a diet of water and flour baked bread. The bread was always stale and tasteless. Chuba knew.

He had stolen one of those loaves. It had been the worse food he had ever tasted.

And this was coming from a goblin that ate rats and his own belly button lint.

Chuba had come to the Church of Adren to steal some food earlier yesterday but something had happened to him while he was there. Something spiritual.

And now he sat in a confessional booth, ready to confess all of his sins.

~~

Chuba crouched in the shadows of the cathedral, his greedy eyes watching the churchgoers with intense interest.

Their wealth would be his.

He scanned the crowd, his keen gaze expertly picking out which purses contained the most amount of coin and which ones were full of food.

As if it really mattered to the hungry goblin thief.

Then, he saw the perfect target. Not more than fifty feet away, three women, adorned in the drab robes of Adrenian priestesses, walked past his hiding place. Each one was carrying a loaf of freshly baked bread.

Bread that would be his.

His footsteps were silent, a testament to the goblin’s prowess as a thief, as he followed a trio of young priests down the alleyway that ran the length to the cathedral.

His gangly form crawled forth, staying in one shadow or another. He was invisible to chatting women, an unseen stalker who was intent on capturing the mouth-watering bread they each held.

Chuba’s gloved hands closed around the hilt of his rusty dagger and he pulled it quietly from its sheath. He crept closer to his prey, dagger blade glistening in the afternoon light.

He arched his hand back for a knife throw…

And released the blade, sending it arching towards the unsuspecting priestesses.

It hits his target perfectly, pinning the bread loaf to the nearby wooden fence. The priestess who had been carrying the bread screamed shrilly as she saw the dagger that must’ve been meant for her. Her companions turned and saw the grinning form of a salivating goblin approaching them, with hands outstretched and a look of anticipation on his face.

“Boo!”

The women howled in fear and ran off down the alleyway, shrieking for the town guard. Chuba giggled to himself briefly yet quickly quieted. He felt a familiar ping of guilt well up within him.

“Hilson understand!” Chuba muttered as he quickly claimed his prize and his dagger.

Chuba took a bite out of the steaming loaf and spit it out as soon as the bread touched his tongue.

It had to be the most tasteless, disgusting thing he had ever put in his mouth before.

“This even worse than old master’s boots! Even after he step in chamber pot!” Chuba grumbled.

Chuba spat on the ground, trying desperately to get the remaining breadcrumbs out of his yellowed teeth.

“Bleech! Chuba rather eat orc turds!” he muttered.

“And you will be doing just that, knave!”

Chuba turned on his heels and found him self staring down the length of a guardsman’s halberd, the wicked tip ready to skewer him.

The goblin rogue’s beady eyes went wide with fear at the towering, armored man in front of him with the nasty weapon, a pole arm that could rip out his insides and not leave enough to be worth burying.

Chuba found himself in the all too familiar position of cowering.

“Did you steal from the Ladies of Arden, you flea ridden thief?!” the guardsman bellowed, his rugged face twisted in a scowl.

“I…Uh…No?” Chuba stammered, his legs shaking so much that his bony knees clattered together.

“Lying cur!” the guard yelled and the broad side of his weapon caught the sniveling goblin square on his head.

Chuba yelped out in surprise and pain, nearly losing his balance as his vision blurred from the vicious blow.

The guard’s laughter did nothing but make Chuba’s temper flare. He was sick of being picked on.

So what if he had stolen the bread? It didn’t give this armored dolt, this human, any right to strike him without provocation!

“What you going to do, beastie? You are a thief and a liar! And on top of that, you are a stinking goblin who does not belong in this fair city!” the guard taunted, his pole arm poised this time for a killing thrust.

No one was going to hurt him anymore.

“No…hit…Chuba!” The goblin sprang forward, his dagger in his hand. The guardsman was astonished by the goblin’s sudden lunge yet managed to parry the wild blow of the raging goblin’s dagger. The rusty blade glance off the halberd’s steel head and Chuba lunged again, his knife poised to strike his adversary’s groin.

The guardsman was an experienced warrior, a hardened man forged in the flames of battle.

Chuba was no fighter. He didn’t stand a chance.

The halberd’s dark wood shaft caught Chuba’s incoming blow and the guard snapped the butt of the polearm into the snarling goblin’s face, grinning as the sharp crack of bone resounded off the alley’s walls.

Chuba fell back, stunned. His trembling hand touched his broken jaw and he tasted the sharp metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He could only look up in dazed awe as the guardsman brought his halberd to bear once again.

The spear point of the halberd plunged forth and into Chuba’s chest.

The guard pulled the weapon out with a twist and nodded grimly to the grievous wound he had just given the goblin.

Chuba stared up at the guard with pain in his eyes, a look of utter disbelief on his face. His hands pressed against his wound and he looked down at the blood that now stained them. His own blood.

“…Why…?” the goblin whispered as he fell to his knees, dark crimson life flowing down his ragged tunic.

“…Hilson…Chuba coming….father…” Chuba collapsed into the dust and his own blood as the darkness overtook him.

~~

The sounds of a woman’s singing voice, a celestial chorus that sent praise to the Goddess of Mercy and the Lady of Healing, Arden, filled Chuba’s ears as he returned to consciousness.

“Chuba…dead?” he muttered, though the dull pain in his jaw made him quickly regret doing so.

“Nah, young goblin, you are in the Cathedral of Forgiveness, a house devoted to the worship and ways of the Goddess Arden.” The heavenly voice answered.

The song of Arden had stopped as the woman spoke and Chuba painfully opened his eyes, cautiously gazing around for the speaker.

His gaze fell upon a human woman of no more than twenty winters, dressed in the gray robes of an Ardenian priestess.

Chuba knew her all too well.

She had been one of the women he had robbed earlier.

Her innocent face brought to mind ghostly images of the pain and fear he had caused the poor woman.

He had broken his oath.

Uncontrollable grief washed over the goblin as he began to cry.

The woman stared at the sobbing goblin for a few moments before she knelt beside him, awkwardly putting her slender arms about him.

Chuba flinched as the woman, this unknown priestess and the source of his grief, put her arms around his shuddering body. He stopped sobbing and wiped the tears from his eyes with the edge of the woman’s robe. Chuba then pulled away from the priestess and turned a suspicious gaze upon her.

“You keeping Chuba as slave now?” he asked dubiously.

The priestess’s beautiful face scrunched up in a look of utter distain.

“We of Arden abhor slavery! No creature should be held against its will!”

Chuba scratched his head in confusion and only shrugged. He couldn’t argue with that.

The woman smiled gently and sat on the edge of the small cot on which Chuba lay.

“Why were you crying?” she asked.

Chuba sighed, whipping his dripping nose with the back of his hand. He turned to face the seated priestess with a look of resigned sorrow in his eyes.

“Chuba break vow to Hilson. Chuba not be like knight he ‘pose to be. Chuba steal from nice ladies when he could just ask for food from them.”

Chuba sniffled as he mentioned the kind elder knight who had taken him in and shown him a better path of life.

A path Chuba had strayed from.

The priestess nodded understandingly.

“You believe you have failed him?” she asked.

Chuba nodded, rubbing his still sore jaw.

A jaw that should have been snapped in half and bleeding.

“You heal Chuba?!” the goblin exclaimed, realizing for the first time that his wounds had been mended.

“Yes, I came across you after the guard had left. We didn’t want him to kill you, only to make you apologize for what you had done. Unfortunately, he was very…stern and unforgiving. He almost killed you. So, after he left, my sisters and I brought you here, to the Church of Arden.”

“Why?” the goblin asked, a look of complete amazement upon his face.

The priestess smiled that gentle, loving smile again and clasped the goblin’s calloused hands into her own.

Her hands were not as soft as Chuba thought they would be, reflecting on the hard lifestyle the priestess lived.

“We priestesses of Arden lead a hard life. We toil in the fields alongside the farmers, we help the sick with the healers, and we give all we can to the beggars. It is a tough existence and I am sure many would wonder why we would lead such a way of life.”

Chuba could only nod for he was thinking that right now.

“It is the spiritual love and rewards that we receive from Arden, our goddess. She asks that we take care of those around us and she will take care of us. She is like an affectionate mother who would do anything for us, so we strive to be like her the best we can. So, regardless of your deeds, we took you in and healed you. You are a being too that deserve compassion, even if you stole from us and regardless of you being a goblin.”

Chuba felt a tear drift down his cheek as he once again felt the warmness of a kind soul upon him.

And he had robbed her viciously and frightened the poor woman away.

All for a loaf of horrible bread.

Chuba’s sobs renewed as the weight of his sins crashed down upon him and dissolved his already shaky resolve.

The priestess’s tender embrace was upon him in an instance and her melodious voice was whispering soothing words into his tattered ear.

She held him long into the night, until his sobs had quieted and were replaced by the rhythmic breathing of sleep.
The priestess carefully let go of the slumbering goblin and pulled a blanket around him, tucking him into his small bed.

She quietly exited the room, a soft smile of happiness upon her slender tiers. Her goddess would be proud.

~~

The smell of freshly baked bread awoke Chuba from his restful slumber. His eyes opened slowly and he stretched lazily, basking in the morning light that crested through an overhead window. He looked around cautiously but instantly relaxed when he remembered where he was.

And he found himself staring into the tranquil eyes of his savior and newfound friend, the priestess whose name he had yet to learn.

“Good morning, Chuba. Are you hungry?” she asked cheerfully, offering a plate piled high with steaming bread.

Chuba’s stomach grumbled noisily as he lurched forward and took the plate from the startled priestess’s hands.

He offered a look of apology as he stuffed a few slices into his mouth…

…only to spit them back out as quickly as they were jammed in.

“Bleech! Crappy bread again! Why taste so bad?” he exclaimed in between whipping his tongue on his blanket.

The priestess could only chuckle lightly at the goblin’s antics.

“Why Chuba not able to eat nice smelling bread?” the goblin asked.

The priestess only smiled and took his hand. Chuba shrugged and stood up.

As she led him out of the room, the priestess began to speak.

“Chuba, how bad did you feel for what you did?”

Chuba used his free hand to scratch his head and glanced up at the inquisitive woman, a look of confusion in his eyes.

“What you mean? Why ask?” he asked.

“Well, I just wish to know. You wish for the bread to taste good to you, right?” she answered and continued to pull the bewildered goblin along.
“Umm, yes…but what bread have to do with Chuba feeling bad about stealing from nice lady?” he asked as they walked down a flagstone corridor.

Chuba noticed that they were headed towards the main part of the cathedral, a simple yet massively tall building that housed the main worship area and the bell towers that heralded the morning each day.

“You will know soon, my friend. Please, just tell me how bad you felt. What was your pain and grief like?” the priestess inquired with a look of contemplation.

The goblin had to think for a moment but the pain was still there, a festering persistence that threatened to cause him more sorrow. A dreadful feeling of how horrid he had been.

He wanted to get rid of that feeling and reclaim his honor.

An honor that he had learned from Hilson, his adoptive father.

“Chuba felt…feels…like someone release wild orc inside and make him smash up Chuba’s gutty whats. It…hurt worse than spear in Chuba’s stomach. Chuba feel bad.” The goblin said truthfully.

The priestess stopped in her tracks and knelt in front of the goblin. She placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled joyously at him.

“You understand the anguish you brought upon us then?”

Chuba nodded. “Chuba make ladies scared. That not right. That not honorable…that not what Hilson would do. Chuba fail Hilson yesterday.”

“You said Hilson was a knight, a man of valor and virtue. He raised you?” the priestess asked.

Chuba nodded eagerly.

“Hilson find Chuba in farm one night. Chuba was sleeping in straw pile. Instead of killing or chasing Chuba off, he give Chuba work and home. He teach Chuba what honor is. He teach Chuba passion. He make Chuba knight…when…when…he…”

Chuba couldn’t go on and he felt he would begin crying again.

The gentle touch of the priestess dispelled his sorrow and Chuba looked up into her beautiful brown eyes, those orbs that held such compassion for so lowly a creature like himself.

“Hilson must have been a great man and I pray he rests soundly. There is no doubt in my heart that he would be proud of you for you feel remorse for what you did.” she said.
Chuba hugged the priestess and buried his face into her warm embrace.

“What your name, lady?” he asked, muffled by the cloth of her robes.

“Eliza. Sister Eliza.” she answered. “Now come, Chuba, if you want to taste the bread of Arden you must release the sins you carry in you and regain your honor.”

Chuba nodded and pulled out of the embrace.

“Let’s go to confessional and you can tell me everything that plagues your heart. I will purify you and bring peace to your troubled soul.”

Such comforting words made Chuba practically run to the confessional booth.

~~

His breathing came in nervous gasps as he heard the door on the other side of the confessional booth open slowly and close.

He could not see who was in the booth due to the heavy screen window that separated his booth with that of the priest.

He only needed to hear her voice to know it was Sister Eliza.

“Chuba? You still in there?” she asked softly.

“Mmmhmmm….” Chuba said nervously.

“I know this must be hard. But please, just do your best, dear Chuba.” Eliza said, the sound of soothing reassurance in her tone.

Chuba fidgeted in his seat and let out a sigh. He nodded to himself and turned his gaze upward to the ceiling.

“Tell me what you have done in the past that would tarnish the honor given to you by Hilson.”

Where to begin? Chuba thought as he wracked his brain for answers.

“Chuba steal from priestesses.” he said.

“Yes, you have spoken to me of that sin. And you are forgiven for it. What else have you done in the past that need to be forgiven?” Sister Eliza asked.

“Oh…ummm….you comfortable?” Chuba asked.

There was a soft chuckle that came from the other side of the screen but it was quickly stifled.

“Yes, quite. Please tell me of your past sins and together we can cleanse them from your soul.”

“Okay…Ummm, well…Chuba killed former master. He mean though…it self defense and he really evil. Chuba blew up former master’s home with wand and kill archwizards who stay there. Then Chuba steal pick from demon lady and lie about it. Chuba use her to kill former master. Chuba gave pick back though. Oh, and then Chuba steal donuts…many, many times Chuba stole those. And pickles, but Chuba had to dance and was punished by stupid, ugly dragons. Chuba steal lots…too much to name. Chuba had to hurt people too…Chuba never like doing that…Chuba hate it in fact…Oh, and there Jurba…we not married…”

Chuba’s list of sins continued for the better part of three hours, leaving Eliza’s mouth hanging open in awe and her eyes blinking in amazement.

This goblin was the dirtiest sinner she had ever met.

But he was also the most interesting person to ever walk through the doors of the Cathedral of Forgiveness.

The adventures he had experienced! The people he had meet and unfortunately robbed! The places he had been!

It was all very exciting to the young priestess, a woman who had spent all of her life within the walls of the city and the cathedral.

Yet he had been a slave, a captive of a vile man who had deserved death and the punishment that awaited him beyond.

Eliza realized just how much she truly envied and pitied the goblin at the same time.

“…ummm…that all Chuba remember…” Chuba’s voice rasped as he finished listing the insurmountable amount of sins he had committed.

“…Er, that’s…that’s…wow…You have lived such an intriguing yet sad lifestyle, Chuba.” The priestess said as she opened the door to the confessional booth and stepped out into the afternoon light.

Eliza looked down at the emerging goblin, who nodded up at her.

“Chuba life seem interesting…but people always want to kill Chuba. They call Chuba stinking, smelly goblin and Ratbreath and chase Chuba away. Just because Chuba goblin and like rats…but Eliza have to understand that Chuba feel bad for stealing, thieving, and hurting. Chuba just want make Hilson…and Eliza…proud!” he declared, placing his hands on his hips.

Eliza smiled genuinely and placed one of her tiny hands on the goblin’s greasy head and stroked his hair.

“You have made me proud Chuba, simply be confessing and trying to live a better lifestyle. That is what is truly important. To try and be as good as you can be. That is honor.”

Chuba took her hand then and raised it to his chapped lips. He kissed her hand, just like he had seen in one of Hilson’s picture books on knights and courting.

“You honor Chuba, my lady.” He said with as much gusto as he could manage and he dipped into an awkward bow.

Eliza could not help but blush at the goblin’s affections and kissed him on the forehead, a slight girlish giggle escaping her pressed lips.

Chuba almost swooned.

“Here, try this now, Chuba.” Eliza reached inside the folds of her robes and pulled forth a piece of bread, Ardenian bread.

Chuba’s face drained of color and he shoved his fist into his mouth.

“Chuba rather eat own hand!” he exclaimed and shied away from the offered piece of bread.

Eliza only giggled harder and had to take a seat on one of the nearby pews.

“No, Chuba…listen. This bread tastes good to those who are pure of heart and thought. Those with honor and passion. Just like you, whom have regained both.” She said and put the piece of bread on the pew.

Chuba pulled his drool soaked hand out of his mouth and eyed the food suspiciously. He did not want that foul tasting thing in his mouth again but he trusted Eliza. Refusing the bread would only hurt her feelings.

Bravely, he grabbed the slice and shoveled it into his mouth. He chewed a few times and was about to swallow hastily before he realized just how sweet and wonderful the bread tasted!

It was delightful, so fluffy and chewy! Chuba clapped his hands gleefully and savored every chew.

And Chuba realized he had regained his honor. His father, Hilson, would be happy now, proud of the goblin he called “son”.

It was the happiest day of Chuba’s life.

After he swallowed the bread, Chuba opened his mouth and pointed at it.

“More please!”

Eliza’s laughter filled the hall as she went off to get a fresh loaf of bread for her newfound friend and “knight”.

~~

Read the further misadventures of Chuba the Goblin, the star of Goblin Tails!

ID: 825091   (Rated: 13+) The Tales of Chuba the Goblin  Come step into the world of the goblin adventurer named Chuba! by Chris & Christina McCoy

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