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Dear Aunt Blabby,
Are you from Texas? My Uncle Flabby was once married long ago to a woman who talked a lot, or so I hear. Thought you may be the old ex! Anyhoo, my question is this. Can you still not wear white after labor day for a formal occasion, or has that custom become moldy and outdated? The reason I ask is becuz my my fiance is in the pen and they are letting him out for his dear sweet mothers funeral, but white is the color of the jumpsuit he must wear at all times while he's funeralizin. Can he, in good taste, still attend? Thanks fer your time! Dee Never ask a man where he's from. If he's from Texas, he'll tell you. If he's not, don't embarrass him. ;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dearest DeeDee. If your Uncle Flabby happens to be Fern Flabby, don't tip him off, but he's on the Texas Ranger's Ten Most Wanted list and John Walsh wants his testicles on a platter. Seems I wasn't his only wife; that little bassahd had eleven of 'em. Concurrently. He left every single one of us with our credit ratings still in the dumper, not to mention the erosion of the public's faith in our rudimentary judgment skills and taste in men. Sounds like you inherited at least that much from yer old Aunt Blabby. But on to your pressing problem... Regarding your errant fiance's funerary attire, the acceptability of white after Labor Day is contingent upon two factors: 1) When you say Labor day, are you referring to the National Holiday or to the 24 hour period during which one gives birth? and 2) In which state is your dearly departed Mother-in-Law-In- Waiting scheduled to be planted? If the festivities are slated for a date following the aforementioned National Holiday, then the "no white" rule applies only in Ohio, where the State Flower is Mildew. The remaining 49 states and American Samoa could care less what color mourners wear as long as they BYOB. If internment is coincidentally scheduled for the same day an attendee is bringing forth offspring, white is discouraged because birth fluid stains can be so distracting. In your fiance's case, the issue surpassing all others in significance, fashionably speaking, is that his ankle tracking device MUST be color-coordinated with his attire. Aunt Blabby fervently hopes she's acheived her customary unsurpassed degree of helpfulness in the matter of this burning personal issue, Dear Reader. Please call upon me any time you (God forbid} find yourself in a similar future, dauntingly distressing quandry! Yours in Solitary Confinement, Your old Aunt Blabby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Aunt Blabby, That was wonderful and I must say I am quite impressed with the verisimilitude of your vernacular. You must indeedie be from Tejas! The old lady is on ice until the first. (that's when all state employees get paid!) As you know, everyone who's anyone in Texas works for the prison system, flippin switches. Anyway, John Walsh is outta luck, wife #2 already had that platter! Anyway, I growed up some since you was in the family and I'm writin a book. "I'm my own granpa, Texas: a poor rich history" Or it might be Texas: a rich poor history, I don't know yet! Thanks for the informaion I'm also researchin a book on Texas etticute..etticut...uh manners. thanks for the tips! Your ex-neice DeeDee ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thankee so much for your purty pontification! LOVED the flip-switcher reference ~ sadly, Texas touts a mindset not unlike that of my vibrator: "Texas bees out of bidness when the power goes out". And never ask for directions in Texas ~ they can't find their butts with both hands. We're the Lone Star state because any more would be too many to keep track of. Love and saddle sores, Aunt Blabby ~~~ READ MORE OF AUNT BLABBY'GREATEST HITS ! ~~~ "HELP! I'm Addicted to Writing.com!"  ASR: It happens to the best of us... "Safety Precautions When Peeling Eyeballs" ASR: The heartbreak of Online Eye Abuse... "Six Degrees of Lover Separation..." ASR: What is one to do when a lover is far, far away? "My Family Tree Doesn't Branch..." ASR: Issues ranging from Black Sheep in the family to White Shoes at a late-summer funeral... "Cradle Robbers Anonymous..." ASR: Navigating the heady but dangerous waters of dating the "Significantly Younger" "Toenail Treachery" ASR: The agony of ingrown toenails and the ecstasy of da feet " Aunt Blabby should expose herself ???" ASR: A faithful reader decries apathy... "Take My Husband ~ PLEASE !" ASR: HUSBAND ADVISORY: Keep yer head down and yer powder dry... "So Glad You're There for Me..." E: Aunt Blabby's very first little lost lamb wanders in... "Pickled Parts is Pickled Parts" ASR: Donating impaired body organs ~ the Pros & Cons "" The Taming of the Podiatrist "" ASR: Adventures in agony...
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