%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| >> Static Item >> Column >> Comedy >> ID #883149 |   |
| |||||||||||||
|
Dear Aunt Blabby
I am in search of your knowledge. How does one wait ten months before seeing the person one loves? I've already tried soaking my mind in red raspberry jello, but it didn't do any good, and waiting is ohso hard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dearest Tigress, Aunt Abby is so touched by your search for her knowledge ~ should you happen to find it, do let her know, won't you? She's been searching for it herself ever since inadvertently leaving it behind on the floor of the second stall to the right in the Ladies Room of Odd Lots following that rather unfortunate bladder control incident in 1972. But on to your more pressing problem... First of all ~ please ~ immediately cease and desist the raspberry jello brainsoaks. Recent medical findings have established that this practice significantly increases the risk of Gelatinized Brainstem Syndrome (more commonly known as Congealed Brain Goo Disorder), a positively dreadful malady that causes one's gait to resemble that of Gumby. The Surgeon General warns that CBGD will soon surpass both smoking and obesity as the leading cause of death in bored Americans between the ages of 96 and 110 due to compound skull fractures sustained in falls secondary to strong breezes and the Gumby Shuffle. As a viable alternative to incurring such risk, Aunt B. strongly recommends taking up some sort of hobby to wile away the interminable hours presently looming between you and Wishing you a plentiful measure of 'good vibrations' until your Beloved's return... Aunt Blabby ~~~ READ MORE OF AUNT BLABBY'GREATEST HITS ! ~~~ "HELP! I'm Addicted to Writing.com!"  ASR: It happens to the best of us... "Safety Precautions When Peeling Eyeballs" ASR: The heartbreak of Online Eye Abuse... "Six Degrees of Lover Separation..." ASR: What is one to do when a lover is far, far away? "My Family Tree Doesn't Branch..." ASR: Issues ranging from Black Sheep in the family to White Shoes at a late-summer funeral... "Cradle Robbers Anonymous..." ASR: Navigating the heady but dangerous waters of dating the "Significantly Younger" "Toenail Treachery" ASR: The agony of ingrown toenails and the ecstasy of da feet " Aunt Blabby should expose herself ???" ASR: A faithful reader decries apathy... "Take My Husband ~ PLEASE !" ASR: HUSBAND ADVISORY: Keep yer head down and yer powder dry... "So Glad You're There for Me..." E: Aunt Blabby's very first little lost lamb wanders in... "Pickled Parts is Pickled Parts" ASR: Donating impaired body organs ~ the Pros & Cons "" The Taming of the Podiatrist "" ASR: Adventures in agony...
© Copyright 2004 Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! (UN: of_fire_born at Writing.Com).
All rights reserved.
Of Fire Born ~ welcome, 2012! has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
 Log In To Leave Feedback |
Static Items
Books
Forums
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
