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| >> Static Item >> Column >> Comedy >> ID #883160 |   |
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Dear Blaboo,
What do you do when your house is falling apart, your children are starving to death, and your cat won´t stop screaming because you refuse to leave your computer ( ie Writing.com ) for more than 20 seconds ? / AL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear poor, sweet, " Boy, Have I Got a Massive Case of the Royal Guilts! " AL, Aunt Blabby is SO glad she could ride in on her white steed, swoop you up, and deliver you from this devastating dilemma! The answer to your burning question follows... Take each of your next three 20-second breaks to do the following: 1. Call Merry Maids and hire them in weekly. If you find this option cost-prohibitive, tell the kids you'll feed them as soon as they finish cleaning the house. 2. Stuff a sock in the cat ( both ends ). 3. Throw a quart of water and a few dozen Ballpark Franks in the slow cooker, set it on "Serve on Demand', and tell the kids to shut up and help themselves. Fear not ~ intial addiction to this site is an exceedingly common occurence and not at all dangerous ~ unless your're peeing in a coffee can at your desk. (Yours would not be the first accidental electrocution...) After a bit, your interest will settle down to the level of 'Dull Roar', and you'll find yourself comfortably transitioning from the 'Utterly Obsessed" Phase to the exceedingly pleasant and rewarding 'Mildly Addicted' Stage ~ joining the ranks of a multitude of others who understand exactly where you're coming from! Yours in staying on the wagon, Aunt B. ~~~ READ MORE OF AUNT BLABBY'GREATEST HITS ! ~~~ "HELP! I'm Addicted to Writing.com!"  ASR: It happens to the best of us... "Safety Precautions When Peeling Eyeballs" ASR: The heartbreak of Online Eye Abuse... "Six Degrees of Lover Separation..." ASR: What is one to do when a lover is far, far away? "My Family Tree Doesn't Branch..." ASR: Issues ranging from Black Sheep in the family to White Shoes at a late-summer funeral... "Cradle Robbers Anonymous..." ASR: Navigating the heady but dangerous waters of dating the "Significantly Younger" "Toenail Treachery" ASR: The agony of ingrown toenails and the ecstasy of da feet " Aunt Blabby should expose herself ???" ASR: A faithful reader decries apathy... "Take My Husband ~ PLEASE !" ASR: HUSBAND ADVISORY: Keep yer head down and yer powder dry... "So Glad You're There for Me..." E: Aunt Blabby's very first little lost lamb wanders in... "Pickled Parts is Pickled Parts" ASR: Donating impaired body organs ~ the Pros & Cons "" The Taming of the Podiatrist "" ASR: Adventures in agony...
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