Romantic Evening -- Tips for Success

There are many factors which go into a romantic evening.

In my opinion, as long as nobody throws up, cries hysterically, or requires surgery the next day, then the evening was a success. It helps to have a full moon, a pounding surf, and a good 'Music for Lovers' CD.

The meal is relatively unimportant. In fact, it's better that it not be too imposing. I mean, what woman can compare to a good T-bone steak?

It's better to be a little unsatisfied with the meal so that the love-making seems like the only way you are going to salvage any pleasure from the evening. So many people make the mistake of having a good meal together and then wondering why their potential romantic partner fell asleep. If you want good sex, eat left-overs and stay awake.

Wearing clean clothes is helpful for a romantic evening and you should take a shower but there is no need to douse yourself with aromatic oils, lotions, and perfumes. Anybody who doesn't find your natural smell exciting won't be a good partner anyway. And forget the makeup. Smearing your lips with red-dyed lard is not going to improve the situation. If you must use makeup, try substituting acrylic artist paints. They come in many easy-to-mix colors and will not rub off.

What should you talk about to achieve maximum romance? That's an easy one. Body parts. Yours. His. How cute they are. How big they are. How delightful they are. Say what you like -- just keep the conversation focused. You don't want it drifting off into a discussion of politics or which TV show is your favorite.

And use your hands! How many people overlook that elementary point and spend the next day wondering why their romantic evening went no further than just sitting next to each other for four hours? Get those hands into motion early in the evening and make sure they know where to go.

Well, that's enough tips, I think. If I tell you everything I know, then you might become a better lover than me! Hahahahahaha!