chapter twenty-six

14 May

Susie stifled a yawn. They’d been on the bus nearly three hours; just a couple more before finding the next hotel. The interview had gone well, other than a few fans who broke through and interrupted. How they got into the radio station, Susie couldn’t guess, but their publicist hadn’t seemed at all surprised. It did sound good, she supposed, to have the mania of yelling girls trying to get to them live on air. The DJ turned it into a joke, exaggerating the small crowd outside the station that had formed because of the interview announcement.

The Blue River fan who had won tickets and backstage passes from the station had also been invited; the girl who had been hanging on Evan. She had done the band a large favor by saying on air that she went to see Blue River but was now even more a Raucous fan. Susie had to wonder how much of that was because of the time Evan had spent with her. How much time, Susie didn’t really want to know, but the girl hung on him again at the station. Greg’s band didn’t do radio interviews. Apparently, they never had.

She closed her book, leaned her head back against the seat and shut her eyes. Duncan was beside her, facing Evan on the adjacent seat. They were going over chords and … something. She wasn’t paying that much attention, but at least they seemed to be okay.

“Hey! If you guys get married, can I borrow your ring on tours?”

Susie opened her eyes again at Stuart’s voice. He was in the seat in front of her, turned, sitting up on one leg with an arm propped over the back, staring at them. Duncan turned his head from Evan. He didn’t speak, either.

“I found out about that girl from Greg. You know, the one who was with Roy.” Stu had lowered his voice to keep their manager in the front of the bus from hearing. “She went after him because he was married. Greg says a lot of them do. No commitments. So, if you get married, it would be cheaper to borrow your ring instead of buying one.”

“Y’ are no’ serious?”

“Why? You haven’t thought about asking her? I mean, hell, you’re always together anyway and she’s already keeping you from partying like a single guy…”

“Why would y’ want a girl who wants married guys?”

Stu shrugged. “No commitments. And you’re not answering me.”

“No. I am no’ answerin’ you.” Duncan turned back to his guitar.

“Why? Don’t have the guts to ask her or has she turned you down already?”

“Stu, go away.” Susie stared at him, affirming that she meant it. She didn’t want Duncan pushed into saying any more.

“Well, hell, it’s not like we aren’t all wondering if this is serious. We don’t have secrets, you know.”

“They just started dating.” Evan’s voice was perturbed. “And she asked you to stop.”

“No, she asked me to go away.”

“Then do that.”

Duncan looked at Evan. Staying quiet again while his buddy took over. From the back, he looked tense. Susie could see the muscles on the side of his face contract. She debated reaching out, touching him, moving closer, but wasn’t sure it was the right time.

“He knows I’m harrassing him. It’s not like I really think he’d jump into a ball and chain thing, you know. I’m just trying to get him to cruise chicks with me. You know, pull interest and talk them into what a great guy I am.”

The ball and chain comment pulled Duncan’s face back to Stu’s. Susie wasn’t sure what his expression meant. But she didn’t want the conversation to go further. “Stu, grow up already.”

“Grow up? Hell, look who’s telling me to grow up. I’m older than you are.”

“Then try acting like it.”

Duncan’s eyebrow raised. “Older? Y’ can no’ be much older since y’ are barely legal.”

“Two years! And at least I am legal and don’t have to worry about being carded.”

The blue eyes turned to her. “Two years?”

Her stomach twinged. He knew. He had to know. He’d asked Evan about her; her favorite restaurant, her favorite wine … why wouldn’t he have asked her age?

Duncan’s gaze seeped through her. “Stu is twenty-two, isn’ he?”

“Damn right. And she’s telling me to grow up?”

Evan hushed him again. Duncan paid no attention. His eyes were still on her.

“Yes. I’m twenty. I figured you knew that.” His expression said he didn’t. “How old did you think I was?”

“A’ least as old as Stu since y’ have been on your own for two an’ a half years.”

“I moved right after graduation. I was seventeen.” She watched his face while he looked away. It bothered him. “Does it matter?”

He was silent, serious enough even Stu quit commenting and turned to face forward. Finally, he returned his gaze. “Y’ know I ‘m nearly twenty-five. It does no’ matter t’ you?”

“Next month, June fourth. I asked Evan, like I figured you did. And I’ll be twenty-one in July.”

“Y’ look older than your age.”

Susie took a deep breath. She’d heard it before, but didn’t see it. She couldn’t imagine that it mattered. “I feel older than my age, too, so I guess it all works out.”

He nodded, stood to set his guitar in its case on the seat behind him and told Evan he was done for the moment.

Evan was watching, questioning her silently. Susie supposed he was wondering why she hadn’t told his buddy her age. She pulled away from him, turned her head to look out the window at the passing scenery. Where were they now? On their way to … somewhere in Maryland, an outdoor theater. Then to Buffalo, New York the next night. Why hadn’t he asked? If it mattered, why hadn’t he bothered to ask her, or to ask Evan? She was legal enough. Not to drink, maybe, but for dating purposes, she was. Strange law, she mused. Why would the drinking age be so much higher than the age of consent? Was it more harmful to drink? Physically maybe, depending, but wasn’t emotionally just as important? She felt him sit beside her again but didn’t bother to turn to face him.

The curve of the road shot sunlight into her eyes. She closed them again, not moving from the warmth streaming through the window. The noise from the tires lulled her, soothed her crazed emotions. Why did four years matter at their age? If she was seventeen, it would be different. She’d understood when she was still underage why Evan never asked her out. Their five year split was too much then. It wasn’t now. Neither was four years. Why did they both think it was? Duncan had said it was okay for her to try to smother him. She felt like doing that now, turning and clinging to him, convincing him that it didn’t matter. But how far did she want to go to prove it? Maybe not that far. Even if she’d been thirty, she wouldn’t want to hold onto him that way. He had to decide whether or not it mattered. And she would give him the space to do so.


Dropping her bag onto the hotel floor … how many hotels now? She didn’t bother to figure it out … Susie thanked him for again carrying her heavier suitcase. She’d kept trying to insist she could manage, but he wouldn’t listen to the objection. He’d been raised a gentleman. It was so apparent, regardless of how others looked at him.

“Do y’ want t’ go find something to eat? We can go outside the hotel … stretch our legs.”

She dropped onto the edge of the bed. The brownish pattern of the bedspread seemed familiar. “I think I’m too tired to eat.” A yawn emphasized her words. “Or to walk, though I know I should.”

Duncan moved closer, touched the hair in front of her ear. “Lie down a while. I’ll come back an’ wake you.” He kissed her … on the side of her face, not on her lips.

She watched him leave, pulling the door closed. Sitting for a moment, she checked out the room. About the same as all the others, with dark, thin carpeting, heavy dark curtains to block out the view into her room, the brownish bedspread … she was sure she’d seen the same pattern in another hotel … the heavy long dresser topped by a television she wasn’t likely to use, and the small round table with two chairs boasting fabric as heavy and equally ugly as the curtains. And the paintings. She understood why hotels couldn’t buy original art for the rooms, but did they all have to be the same washed out floral still lifes? She sighed, missing her apartment, her light colors and prints of ballerinas and children; the Renoir her dad had given her – not an original, of course, but a good print of it. She missed her kids – her students – and her dancing. She even missed Kate badgering her.

Moving to the head of the bed, she picked up the phone from the night stand. The guys hadn’t let her pay for the other phone calls charged to her room and so she hadn’t used the phone again other than a quick message to her dad, but she’d promised to call Kate back. Her roommate wasn’t likely to be in, anyway.

She wasn’t. There was no answer.

Replacing the receiver, she held her hand on top of it, then picked it up again, dialing her dad’s number. She had only reached him once since they’d left, two days into the tour, and didn’t like talking into his answering machine, but decided to try him, anyway. The strange voice answered, asking her to leave a message. She hesitated, irritated at the thought of having her voice recorded, but briefly let him know things were fine and sent her love, then hung up. Susie supposed the new contraption was helpful for her dad’s job, and had to admit he would be glad to know she’d been in touch, but still felt uneasy talking to a machine.

Kicking out of her shoes, she leaned back onto the bed, pulling the pillow out above the spread. The room was too quiet, so she sat up again and fumbled with the clock radio to find a good station, turning it low. Donny Osmond’s voice reached out into the quiet. “Go Away Little Girl” was not what she wanted to hear at the moment, but she couldn’t quite make herself turn it off. For a young kid, he had a great voice, but was too young himself to have the song make much sense for him. …before I beg you to stay…

She lay down again, turning to face the covered window. He hadn’t walked away. He’d stayed beside her through the check-in process, walked her to her room, carried her suitcase … and kissed her face. Not her lips. Where was Kate? Maybe they needed to get an answering machine, too, so Susie could leave a number and say she needed to talk to her. Right. Spend that kind of money on something only business people had? Not likely. It reminded her of Mike talking about getting one of the new computers designed to be in a person’s home. What was the purpose?

Closing her eyes, she ignored the rambling of the radio voice, hoping for a less emotional song. He’d asked her out. He wanted to take her away from the rest of the group, outside the hotel. She heard his voice again. Why away from everyone? So he could break up with her privately? He could have done that in her room instead of taking her elsewhere. His expression at hearing her age haunted her. So did the way he’d steered clear of Stu’s marriage conversation. Ball and chain. Is that what she was to him? They were Stu’s words, not Duncan’s, but they’d caught his attention. Her stomach twinged. She turned again. Sleep? She couldn’t imagine being able to sleep. She should have gone with him.

Finally, more music. Still not what she wanted. Cher. Susie liked Cher and the song, but “Half Breed” wasn’t exactly non-emotional for her. Again, she couldn’t turn it off. Instead, she stared at the wall, also a beige color, and unintentionally allowed her thoughts to go back in time. Back to earlier years before Cher had made it more cool to be part Indian, back to when Susie had asked her dad about cutting her hair. She’d wanted it in a bob and dyed to be lighter. Straight, long black hair was too much a give-away to her heritage. Not that she was ashamed of it. She wasn’t. But, for a while, all she really wanted was to fit in, be part of the crowd, and it would never happen as long as she stood out from the others so much. The memory made her mad at herself again for even suggesting it. Her dad had understood and held her against his chest, in his strong arms, but as much as he tried to hide it, he hadn’t been able to disguise the hurt in his eyes. She had continued trying to make it up to him since, learning more about her past, her heritage, their beliefs and values. The more she’d learned, the more ashamed she’d become about the thoughtless remark, and the more pride she developed about who she was.

Cher faded into “Rockin’ Pneumonia” – one of Stu’s favorites. Her band played it now and then in clubs, though Mike didn’t like it. He said it was juvenile. Maybe, but Susie agreed with Stu. It was fun and sometimes that was really enough. It helped calm her. She closed her eyes again. Briefly, in a haze, she heard “Let It Be” and let it calm her further.



A noise pressed at her brain. Knocking. Someone at the door. Rousing enough to remember where she was, Susie pushed her feet to the floor, sitting a moment to collect herself. The clock showed 5:17. A commercial was on the radio. What time were they supposed to be at the arena? The noise penetrated again and she stood to answer it.

Evan’s distorted face was on the other side of the peephole. Why was he there? Where was Duncan? Pulling the door open, she brushed at her eyes, forcing them to be more open than they wanted to be.

“Did I wake you?” He was dressed for the stage already, shaved and showered.

“Umm, yeah. Should I be ready to go by now?”

He grinned. “No, you have time. I just hadn’t seen you so thought I’d check in.”

“Oh. Come in.” She backed out of the doorway, assuming he would follow, and again sat at the end of the bed.

“Are you getting enough rest, Suse? Are you okay?” He sat in one of the chairs, pulling an ankle over his leg.

“Yeah, I’m…. Have you been in touch with your mom? I left a message for Dad again but I don’t know if he got the last one. I’ve only talked to him once…”

“He got it. He complained to Mom that he wasn’t there when you called. I told her to let him know you were fine.”

She nodded. It was easier for Evan to reach his mom since she worked from home than it was to reach her dad who was rarely home. She was envious of that at times. But she brushed the thought aside. “What time are we leaving?”

“About six. Greg and co are doing their sound check first.” He looked down at the floor, then up again. “Suse, be careful with him. I’ve heard … that he’s a good guy, but …”

“I know.” She pulled her legs up in front of her. “Evan, I’m not sure I should be asking you this, but … why did it bother him so much? Duncan, I mean. Is he upset with me?”

He pulled his eyes away, hiding from her.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. It’s…”

“No.” He met her gaze. “Angel, don’t think you can’t talk to me. Don’t ever think that.” He returned the foot to the floor and leaned forward. “He’s old for his age, like you are. You’ve both … had to grow up too fast.”

“So have you.”

He shrugged. “It was in my nature. It wasn’t a big thing for me. I don’t really think it was in yours, or his.”

“Is that an insult?”

“An insult?” Evan stood, walked over, and sat on the bed beside her. “I would never insult you. I just think … he sees what I do, that you’ve had too much to deal with already and you should be able to just be a twenty-year-old. You work too hard. You have too much responsibility, and…”

“Evan, I’m fine. I like what I do and I’m lucky to be able to do that. I don’t…”

“I know. And without the babysitting, it would be perfect, but you have too many hours.” He wrapped an arm over her shoulder. “And you seem to be … getting kind of serious, maybe too soon. Duncan is….”

“What? Am I pushing? He said it was okay, you know. He said he didn’t care that I … that I stay close. That I keep other girls away.”

“And why would he need any other girls if he has you?” Evan peered into her eyes. “He would be crazy to do that. To choose anyone over you. I don’t think he is, but Suse…” His free hand took hers, rested against her leg. “Don’t push yourself too fast. I think you’ve had too much in your life that you’ve had to deal with before you were ready. Don’t….” His chest rose. He looked away. “I’m just concerned. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

She squeezed his hand. “Thank you … for being concerned. And for checking in. We haven’t talked in ages and I’ve missed you.” His eyes rose to hers again. “But Evan, I’m not seventeen anymore.”

He stared, the look on his face seeming to want to argue. Then he nodded, barely. “I know, Angel. But I think it was easier when you were.”

“Really? You didn’t like it when I dated then, either.” She grinned.

“I don’t imagine I ever will.” He stood, suddenly, moving away from her. “I’ll go and let you get ready.”

Susie followed him to the door, wondering at his statement, at why it mattered to him that she dated, even if it was someone he liked. Someone he set her up with.

A knock preceded Evan grasping the doorknob. Duncan. And his eyes questioned why Evan was there. But nothing was said, other than the normal courtesies of acquaintances passing each other. Susie thanked Evan again for stopping by and asked Duncan in.
He hesitated. “I though’ y’ might still be asleep.”

“Yeah, Evan’s knock woke me, luckily. I don’t have much time to get ready.” She backed up, looked at him. “Are you gonna come in?”

Beginning to speak, he changed his mind and shook his head. “Nae, I will ge’ ou’ of your way.” He handed her a rolled-up paper bag. “Bu’ take time t’ eat since y’ skipped lunch.”

She tried to argue, accepting the bag, but he turned and left. Closing the door, she stood against it. What had she done?



The hot shower helped her relax, though she’d taken too long. It left little time to pull herself together. And she hadn’t bothered trying to eat. With the water pouring over her head, Susie criticized herself for overreacting, as she always accused Evan of doing. He was just giving her time, since she’d mentioned it. Nothing else. At least she focused on that thought while drying herself and slipping into her clothes. Her hair wouldn’t be dry before they left, but she could take her brush…. The phone startled her. She answered with a question in her voice.

“So is 7:15 okay?”

What? The caller must have found the wrong room.

“Susie? It’s Lisa.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize your voice. 7:15 for what?”

“Didn’t Duncan say anything yet? Is he still there?”

Say anything about what? Why did she think he was there? “No, Lisa, I don’t know what you mean.”

“He arranged for you to ride in with us, so you wouldn’t have to leave so early. Sitting through sound checks and then waiting around for the shows isn’t much fun. I figured he told you by now, though. So is that okay? We can go later if you want, but with the crowds, we may miss the first part of their set.”

She couldn’t answer. Why would he do that? Was he that mad at her? Lisa called her name again. In a daze, she agreed it was fine. If he didn’t want her there, she supposed she wouldn’t argue. Hanging up, Susie plopped onto the bed. Why?

Another knock forced her to her feet. She didn’t want to see anyone. Drifting over to the door, she tried to think about what to say to him, not bothering to see who it was first.

“So are you coming with us or going with Greg?” Stu smiled like the Cheshire Cat.

He had sent Stu instead of even coming by? She looked away. The smile was too out of place.

“Well, I guess that’s an answer, especially with your hair dripping all over the floor.” He stepped in closer. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She raised her head. “I’ll see you later.”

“Are you sure about going in with Greg? From what I heard about the way he was hanging on you…”

“Stu, I’m going in with Lisa. And Duncan arranged it; I didn’t.”

“Okay.” He backed up again. “Oh, we also borrowed one of Greg’s security guys. Someone he trusts a lot. His name is Beau and he’ll be outside your door in a few.”

“Why?”

Stu shrugged. “Duncan arranged it; I didn’t.” He grinned at the repetition of her words and trotted away.

Susie closed the door again, incredibly lost. With a sigh, she decided to try to eat, since she had the time.



Pushing in between Susie and Lisa before they got to Raucous’ dressing room, Greg wrapped an arm over Susie’s shoulder. He had been surprisingly polite and reserved since she and Lisa had joined them to go to the arena, with Beau trailing. Again, they were in the same hotel, on different floors, and fans were everywhere – Blue River fanatics. Susie was sure she was beginning to recognize faces. The band had been shoved into the waiting cars to get them across town. Susie understood why Lisa chose not to attend every show.

She looked up at Greg when he knocked on the dressing room door. “Are you trying to start something?”

“Always.” He winked. Terrell answered and Greg pulled her inside. “Delivered as promised.”

Susie maneuvered out from under his arm, pulling her eyes away from her boyfriend. He was wearing only jeans, as was Mike. And he was close to her. The small room was full of people, including their publicist, girls doing their makeup, and Roy throwing useless instructions in a loud voice. She heard Lisa comment about the shirts, apologizing for barging in, Duncan answering that they were all dressed enough – it was all right, and Lisa’s reply that she was glad he wasn’t modest and that he didn’t have need to be. Susie listened, not concerned about Lisa but also not able to look at Duncan. Or at anyone else. She heard Stu offer to undress for their company, Lisa asking him not to bother, Greg joking that he was next in line for her, with Tony’s permission, and … she stopped listening. It was too much. Her pulse began racing. Her breath came faster, heavy, stifling. A voice asked if she was okay. She couldn’t answer. It was hot, stuffy. She wanted out. Out of the room, the arena, the hotels, the buses … out. Greg’s voice shot through her ear and she felt his arm around her again. She jerked back, shoving him away, telling him to stop. It was too crowded.

“Angel?” Strong hands blanketed the sides of her face, pulling her eyes up. Evan. “What is it? Are you sick?”

She stared, restraining a yell to make him let go, move back, but it was Evan. She couldn’t push him away.

“Suse?”

Her breath became forced. She gripped his arms, wanting to tear them off her skin but needing their support. Her legs were shaky.

“Le’ her go.” Another voice beside her. A hand grasped one of hers, taking it off Evan’s arm. “Ev, le’ go.”

The hands moved from her face; another one pulled her, through the crowd, the noise, the lights and heat. The buzz of voices surrounded her, bodies bumped into her, but the hand kept pulling, down the hall … away from the noise, through a door. She breathed fresh air. Cool, evening air.

The noise dissolved. Voices were replaced by the distant hum of cars. Her pulse slowed.

“Y’ are claustrophobic?”

She found his face. “No.” Dusk sheltered them, faded out the cement of the surrounding building. “Well, crowds sometimes….”

Duncan edged closer, leaving enough distance to allow her to breathe. “Are y’ alrigh’ now?” He had put a shirt on.

“How did you know I needed….” She stopped again, not quite all right yet.

“My mum is the same. Has t’ ge’ away from everyone now an’ then. She says it’s only when she ‘as had too much goin’ on.” He moved in enough to touch her face. “Talk t’ me, Suse.”

The blue eyes reached out, holding her, calming her. She wanted to talk to him, to ask if … if there was any chance he could ever be as serious as she was, as Evan said she was. But he apparently didn’t think so. Evan was warning her…

The door beside them opened. Evan. And Doug. Duncan backed away.

“Are you okay?” Evan crowded in, too close.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t believe her. And why would he, since she hadn’t even been able to answer him? “Really, I guess I just needed some air.”

Beau’s head poked out to check on them and Roy’s voice boomed from inside. Mad at her again, for distracting them.

“Go.” Susie forced a steadiness. He wouldn’t leave otherwise. “Evan, go. All of you. I’m fine, and you have a show to do.”

“You’re coming in.”

It wasn’t a question. Evan wasn’t about to go in without her. She knew that without question. Gritting her teeth, she nodded. A deep breath helped her deal with his arm against her back, securing her, prodding her forward. She looked back at Duncan but he didn’t interfere. She wished he would have. Somehow, his closeness didn’t bother her the way Evan’s was.

The stuffiness of the hallway nearly suffocated her. But she kept going, assuring Lisa she was fine, apologizing for the disturbance. Greg kept his distance. When she felt better, Susie would apologize to him, too.

She watched them again from the wings and Lisa stayed with her. So did Beau. The security guard they’d “borrowed” from Blue River joked with Lisa, acting more like a friend than an employee. He was young, maybe even younger than Susie, but tall with reddish blond curls softening his square build. His voice was gentle, as was his manner. He didn’t seem the right type to be in this line of work. Stu had said he was one of the most trusted. It seemed funny.


Though they generally stayed for Blue River’s show, the guys decided to call it a night as soon as they were done. She argued, knowing she was the cause, to no avail. They used the excuse of wanting to find a good movie on the television and then find their beds at a more normal hour, for a change. Lisa went back with them. She and Tony seemed not to be speaking.

At the hotel, with Beau and a few of the local temps helping to push them through the fans in the lobby, they crammed into the elevator all together. She felt Evan watching her. When she looked up, he asked again if she was all right.

“It was nothing, really. And now I’m wide awake, so I really hope you guys didn’t all leave early because of me.”

“Not all of us slept all afternoon, you know.” Stu yawned.

“No, no’ all of us did, bu’ you did.” Duncan eyed him. He was on the opposite side of the elevator. He’d kept his distance since Evan pulled her in from the alley.

Mike tapped on her from behind, nodded at Stu. “Don’t feel bad. He slept longer than you did. Thought we were gonna have to go without keyboards tonight.”

She chuckled, actually enjoying their bantering. It took away some of the homesickness. She was the first out of the elevator, after Beau. No fans swarmed in. Their security in Baltimore was doing a great job, probably the best she’d seen. Either that, or their promotion in the city hadn’t been as good.

Lisa asked if she could stay and visit a while. Tonia and her aunt would be asleep, anyway, and she didn’t get much chance to visit with anyone except her husband’s band, and Paul’s wife, but Courtney wasn’t much for visiting. Stu invited her over and Doug extended the invitation to the rest of them. Susie accepted and looked over at her boyfriend, hoping he would join them. He did. So did Evan. Mike went back to try to call Kate.

Susie and Lisa claimed the head of one of the beds, pushing the pillows against the headboards to lean against. It was a double and she stayed in the middle to allow Duncan to take her other side if he chose to, but he pulled a chair back from the table, across the room. Stu plopped down beside her, flipping through channels with the remote. He stopped at something with a girl screaming. Susie tapped his leg in protest.

“What? This is a good one.”

Doug pulled the remote from his hand and changed it to an older movie, a comedy. Susie mused to herself that he would be a good husband some day. He was always so considerate. She caught Duncan’s eyes but was distracted by Lisa chatting about the movie. Several times, she felt him looking over and returned the gaze, wishing for the courage to tell Stu to move so he could come over and sit with her.

Finally, with fatigue setting in and the movie getting closer to the end, she scooted down around Lisa and went over to sit at the edge of the bed closest to him, grasping his fingers without checking his expression.

Realizing she was in Doug’s way even though he said she was fine, Susie moved further to the edge, supporting part of her weight with a foot on the floor. Duncan stood, keeping hold of her hand, and asked Doug to trade places. His body rubbed against hers while moving past Doug but she still avoided his eyes and followed the nonverbal cues to slide into the middle of the bed. He settled beside her, his back against the headboard, an arm wrapping around her shoulder. Evan was on her other side, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about the movie, either. She cared about the fingers running over her face, behind her ear, and about the lips brushing against her forehead. Raising her eyes to his, she cared only that he was showing no reserve, no distance. She accepted his kiss. Then she lay her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to give him space to change his mind.



They walked Lisa to her room, just the two of them, and ambled back to Susie’s. Unlocking the door, she invited him in. Duncan hesitated, but followed. She set the key on the dresser, searching her mind for something to say. Earlier, she’d wanted to talk to him. Now …

“Y’ should get t’ sleep. We ‘ave t’ leave early.”

Yes, she supposed he was right, but she wanted this time alone, for just a few minutes. He told her good night, kissed her lightly, and pulled back. She grasped his hand, stopped him from leaving. His eyes questioned her. Heart rate accelerating, loud enough she hoped he couldn’t hear it, Susie moved closer, against him. His warmth penetrated her skin, drew her in, gave her the nerve to touch his hair. He always left it down when he played. The sweat had dried but left a slight curl. Cologne mixed with his natural scent. She already recognized it as his own. Strong fingers slid around her waist to the small of her back. His face lowered, the skin brushing her cheek. She moved to kiss him, not lightly this time. Not as a simple good night kiss, but allowing him inside her thoughts, showing him the intensity of her interest. His hand pulled out of her grasp and moved up to cradle her head, pulling her more deeply into his mouth. She tried to keep her fingernails from digging into his skin.

He broke the kiss, moved back, away from her, not meeting her eyes.

Her breath was unsteady, shallow. She couldn’t speak.

“Ge’ some sleep, Babe.” He touched her hair, his voice low. “G’ nigh’.” Reaching the door, he turned back. “Lock the chain behin’ me.”

She nodded, waited until he left, forced her feet toward the closed door. With an unsteady hand, she hooked the chain. He didn’t want space. He wouldn’t have kissed her that way if he did. Maybe he just didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe Evan was right. She was pushing him too fast.