chapter twenty-nine

18 May

“Last show! And damn I hate to see this one end! You guys are just too much!” Greg stumbled around a chair in the dressing room.

Evan watched, shoving his hands out when the singer swayed in his direction. Fortunately, the singer caught himself, laughing. Greg hadn’t bothered this time to wait until after the show to unwind. Hell of a night to pull this. Evan shook his head and checked his watch.

He glanced through the crowd. Fans who had won radio contests and a few Blue River fan club members had been allowed to attend a pre-show party, along with some local press. Evan would have preferred holding the party until after they were done. His nerves weren’t helped by the commotion. He’d hoped to be over the queasiness before shows by this time, but though it was better, it still hung with him. He didn’t bother to mention it, though. None of the other guys had since the first night, although Stu still jumped around like a “damn jackrabbit” as Duncan had noted. Standing backstage before each show, watching their youngest musician in amusement, Evan continually thought of that phrase.

“What’s so funny?”

Susie’s voice pulled his attention from the crowd. He hadn’t seen her walk up beside him. “Nothing.” Evan glanced around, finding no one actually with her. Surprising.

“So, are you ready for this to be over or sorry it’s the last one?” She sipped a clear bubbling liquid. Ginger ale, Evan guessed.

“I’m hoping it’s not over.”

“Well, I meant just this tour, not completely.” She teased him with her eyes.

He had known what she meant. Anything to delay the conversation, to keep her here talking. They hadn’t since she had come to his room the other night – to find her boyfriend. He took a swallow of his own cola, wondering if something stronger would soothe his nerves or make him feel more sick. And he tried to think how to answer her. “Both.”

“I figured. Me too.”

“Ready to go home?”

“Yeah, but … this has been….” She chuckled. “I’m not sure ‘fun’ is the right word. Interesting. Tiring. Exciting. I … I do hope I can do this with you again. And I hope it’s with another band that is so supportive and great to work with.” She looked over at Greg’s whooping, grinned, then turned back. “He’s kind of strange, but he’s a good guy.”

Evan nodded. He liked Greg all right, as long as he didn’t get too carried away about his flirting with Susie, but wished he had kept clean … just for tonight.

“Still getting nervous?” She had moved closer, leaning in so no one around could hear.

How did she always know? It didn’t show. He wouldn’t allow it to show.

“Wanna know a secret?” Her eyes sparkled. He waited for her to tell him, knowing he wouldn’t have to answer. “Greg gets nervous every time he’s on stage. Lisa said his strange dancing is just to hide it, a trick another musician taught him. So does Steve, but not as much. She said of all the bands she’s talked to, most of them have at least one or two people who have trouble with nerves every time.”

Evan wanted to hug her. Somehow, knowing the almighty Greg of Blue River was afraid to be on stage made him feel better. And knowing how much Susie cared about making him feel better … mattered more.

“Excuse me.”

They both looked over at the interruption.

“You play bass, right? For Raucous?”

“Yes.” Evan glanced at the note pad in the guy’s hand, partly hidden at his side by the long polyester shirt that had twice the girth necessary for someone all skin and bones.

“Can I have just a minute? I’m with The Weekly Pulse, one of Harrisburg’s finest entertainment rags, and our readers have a couple of questions they want us to ask. We’ve had phone calls all week.” The man flicked a pass showing his face and the publication name.

“Sure.” Evan noticed Susie begin to retreat, trying to excuse herself.

“No, please.” The man stopped her. “You are the girl who has been with them on the road, am I correct?” He waited for an answer she wouldn’t give him. “You fit the description I’ve heard. An Indian girl, or part Indian, anyway.”

Evan stepped forward. “Why do you want to know?”

“Oh, we got lots of questions about who she is. I just thought you could let us in on it. Story going around is that part of the tour money is going to help her tribe. Others say she’s either a half-sister or a secret wife of one of you.”

She was looking away, avoiding him.

“All wrong.” Evan watched Roy work his way closer, having no doubt where the first story had started. “She’s our advisor, and a friend.”

“Friend of who? Yours? A special friend? We were told you’re all single.”

“And they are.” Roy pushed between Evan and the reporter, setting an arm around the man’s shoulder. “Let’s not bother him before he has to go to work. I’ll answer your questions.” He took his arm down, expecting to be followed.

A look of fear crossed Susie’s face. She didn’t want Roy answering anything about her. Neither did Evan. Before he could object, Duncan came between them, possessing her with one arm. Susie relaxed, gazing into his eyes.

The reporter watched them, ignoring Roy. “So she’s your guitarist’s….” He stopped, waiting for the correct word to be given him.

“Steady.” Duncan supplied it.

Evan saw Roy’s face redden. So did the reporter. Susie ignored them both and allowed Duncan to pull her away from the group.
The reporter’s eyes followed. “So you’re not all exactly single?”

“He’s single. It’s just a fling. Nothing to write about.” Roy’s voice growled quietly. He didn’t expect argument.

A fling. If this guy put that in the paper, she would be humiliated. Roy would just have to get over it. “No.” Evan looked directly into the reporter’s face. “It’s not a fling. And she is a friend to all of us – our biggest supporter. We’d appreciate you remembering that.”

**

Duncan led her out of the main crowd, back through the door that separated the open section of the dressing room to the private, smaller changing area. Security kept fans from intruding that far, but apparently, all of the band members preferred to be out mingling. The room was empty.

“Was it okay t’ answer as I did?” He stopped just inside the door, waiting for her reaction.

She turned, sliding an arm around his waist. “Answer however you want. It’s you they’re interested in, not me.”

“It was you he was askin’ about.”

“Only to get info on the band. They don’t care about me, or about who I am. Tell them whatever you what you want them to know about you.”

“And if I decide t’ tell them all I do no’ intend t’ let you go? That all those guys ou’ there have no chance?”

Her arms tightened around his back. “Go ahead.”

He met her lips. Not planned. He had only taken her out of the crowd to be able to talk, to make sure he wasn’t pushing his priviledge too far by commenting on their relationship. But her eyes dared him … invited him. And he couldn’t possibly resist. He had no desire to resist anything she wanted.

They were too close to the door. He hadn’t shut it again and the noise invaded too far. Reaching behind his back to grasp her hands, Duncan moved away, pulling her with him to the little couch, sitting on one side, leaving room for her.

She lowered herself, but not beside him. Sitting on his legs, Susie wrapped an arm around his neck and pushed her lips against his. He took her in, loving the way she possessed him, sliding fingers of one hand through her hair and the other down to her lower back. He loved touching her skin. And she seemed to be inviting him with the blouse that barely met the top of her jeans when she stood still. Leaning into his body the way she was pulled it up further, made it easy for his fingers to caress her skin, moving up underneath the blouse, barely. He wasn’t about to push. Not now, or ever. Until he knew without doubt …

“Susan.”

She jumped at the voice, turning.

John … with Ev. Hell, he’d forgotten Susie’s dad and Ev’s mom were coming tonight. Well, not completely, but at the moment. Helping her to her feet, Duncan stood beside her. The man was glaring at him. His buddy looked at least somewhat apologetic.

“Dad.” She straightened her blouse. It again met the top of her jeans. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Apparently.” John’s voice held an icy tone, not meant for his daughter, Duncan was quite sure. “It was meant to be a surprise.”

She chuckled, glancing at Duncan’s face, for just a second. “Well, it was.” Susie went to give her dad a hug. “Is Diane here, too?” She looked at Ev.

Her friend nodded. “She’s just outside. I wasn’t sure who might be in here.”

“You left her out there alone? Evan…”

“She’s talking to Doug, but I should get back.”

John studied Susie’s face as she spoke. “Is it not safe for a lady to be out there alone?” He was digging, hinting, emphasizing the word lady.

“Oh, I suppose it is. You didn’t see all the big guys in blue shirts? Blue River’s security. They’ve been helping us, too. But I wouldn’t really know, since I haven’t been alone in two weeks, and I have yet to call myself a lady.” She grinned, teasing her dad.

He wasn’t appreciating the humor.

Duncan had to speak to him, try to ease the tension, for Susie’s sake. “I imagine we drive her crazy not allowing her t’ be alone.” He focused on Ev, moving toward the group, then faced John. “I hope your drive was alright. Ev said y’ were concerned about Harrisburg traffic.”

Her dad looked at him only long enough to acknowledge he was speaking. “It was heavy, but we got through it. Nice that your last show was scheduled so close to Diane. It made it easier for her to come.” He had turned back to Ev. “Why don’t we go back out and find her?” John didn’t wait to be led. He did expect his daughter to go with him, by his side. It showed in his manner, with his back to Duncan, and now Ev.

His buddy threw him an apologetic look. Ev had no doubt Susie would just go, obey her dad, and leave them both to follow. Duncan waited, not sure she would, hoping she wouldn’t.

She held her position, making her dad look back and ask if she was coming. “In a minute. Go ahead.”

“Susan…”

“Dad, I’ll find you.”

John hesitated, stared past her at the man intruding, his gaze accusing Duncan of … what, he wasn’t sure. Interfering? No, it was more than that. Like a predator – an animal from whom he had to protect his little girl.

Duncan took a deep breath, moved in closer to his girlfriend, caught her eyes. Risking a physical attack he wasn’t sure wouldn’t come, he took her hand. “Let’s go find her before Greg does.” He winked.

She pushed in next to him, her lower arm pressing against his leg, before nodding and turning to follow her dad and Ev. But she stopped him before crossing the doorway, her free hand touching his waist, and kissed him. “Don’t let him bother you. He’ll get over it.”

“An’ y’ are sure abou’ that?”

Susie shrugged. “He might as well.” She kissed him again, lightly. “Because I intend to keep trying to smother you.”

Moving with her out through the door and into the midst of the crowd, greeting Ev’s mom, watching Susie and Ev introduce their parents to Blue River as any of them came close, listening to their conversation about past events, Duncan felt as though he were standing on one of his mountains, at the peak, overlooking the world as it passed below. He often viewed the world in this way, at times more distant from it than others.

This was one of the distant times. Susie was fully grounded in her world, close to her roots, even more than she realized, stabilized by her father and the woman who was like a second mother … and by her best friend. Ev had given him some stability, as well, but it wasn’t nearly as solid as hers. Duncan didn’t have the same kind of … naiveté … about Ev that she did. He had no doubt where his buddy’s first loyalty lay. But he knew there were things about his buddy that Susie would be shocked to find out. Of course, he also knew that Ev felt the same about him and was worried about it. Duncan wondered when Ev would finally talk to her, tell her his concerns about why she shouldn’t allow herself to get so close.

Greg bumped up against his shoulder, breathing smoky air into his face. “Hey, Man. Quit taking up all her time and give me a chance. You get to take her home tomorrow. Who knows when I’ll get to see her again.”

Ev interrupted, introducing Greg to his mom, and to Susie’s dad.

The singer straightened, became more formal, insisting he was just kidding. “Have to give ‘em a hard time. These guys are just too great. I’m sure glad we got to borrow them for this thing. It’s been a hell….” He glanced at Diane. “Sorry ma’ am … it’s been a real ride, one of the best tours we’ve had. You’ve got to be proud of these guys and their buddies. That Stu is a riot. Haven’t talked much to Doug but Tony’s impressed. Tony’s our drummer. And I’m gonna have to push Mike off a cliff or something so he doesn’t keep showing me up.” He dropped an arm over Duncan’s shoulder, making Susie duck away from his hand that nearly hit her in the back of the head. “And this guy … well …”

Duncan raised an eyebrow, debating on telling Greg to stop talking.

“He doesn’t share well but who can blame him with a girl like that.” He looked at John. “You’re a lucky man if your daughter looks anything like your wife. Is she here, too?”

John’s countenance remained neutral. “She passed away quite a few years ago. But, yes, Susie is a lot like her mother.”

“Oh, Man, I’m sorry. They didn’t say….” Greg looked around Duncan at Susie. “You should’ve had your boyfriend tell me to shut up. Want me to just go away now?”

“Of course not.” Susie didn’t hide it as well as her dad. “It’s okay.”

They were interrupted by Terrell yelling for them to get ready. Fans were being escorted out of the room. Lisa found Greg, was introduced to John and Diane, and promised that Blue River’s lead would be in shape to go on when it was time. She stopped to tell John how much she had enjoyed Susie’s company, promising to spend more time with them after the shows, at the hotel party.

Ev had arranged third row seats for their parents and Susie, afraid the audience would crowd in too much on the first two rows. She appeared to have doubts about not watching from the wings, as she had been. Duncan joked that she should, at least once, be able to watch it as it was meant to be watched instead of staring at their profiles and backs the whole time.

**

Susie found herself agreeing with him, seated in the audience, beside her dad, waiting for her band to come out onto the stage. Somehow, it made the experience more real, more unbelievable, to be surrounded by fans and feeling the excitement buzzing in the air. The house lights were still on, the stage dark, with only the outline of the drums and speakers and microphones and movement from stage hands marking where Raucous, and then Blue River, would be entertaining the crowd.

“You haven’t watched from the audience yet?”

She looked at her dad. He was studying her. “No.” Deciding the surrounding noise would keep anyone else from overhearing, she explained about staying backstage, in the wings, with security around.

“And while you’re traveling? In the hotels and on the bus? How do you keep your … privacy?”

“The same as I do at home while the guys are in and around. I shut my door.” She noted Diane’s glance at her dad. There was more that he wanted to know. “Actually, Roy kind of messed up the reservations at first, so we only had three rooms for the six of us.” Susie gave him a few seconds to think what he wanted, as shameful payback for his being so rude to Duncan. “Stu offered to share, but I stayed with Evan.”

The relief on her dad’s face was too transparent. Diane said she was sure her son didn’t mind sharing space with her again. Susie wasn’t so sure he hadn’t. He’d been … too tense, strange. She may have been more in the way than he would want to admit to his mom, though, so she didn’t bother to argue and then have to explain.

“So you’ve been … around Evan the whole time.” Her dad was still digging.

“No. I’ve been with Duncan most of the time and everyone else fairly often. It’s kind of hard not to be with everyone when we’ve been on the bus so much.”

He tensed again. “Susan, you look like you’re getting … too serious with this relationship. Do you think maybe it would be better not to encourage him quite as much? You don’t want him to think….”

“To think what?” She waited while he didn’t answer. Diane tried to warn him.

He paid no attention. “There has to be a reason he doesn’t say much about himself. He may be running from something that you don’t want to be involved with.”

“Evan would have told me…”

“If he knows.”

“Dad, you don’t know him. Talk to him…”

“And you’re sure you do? You know he’s only going to tell you what he wants you to know.”

“And I only tell him what I want him to know. What’s the difference?”

“Oh, Sweetheart, you know there’s a difference. You’re not hiding anything that matters…”

“How do you know I’m not? There are things you don’t know, too.” Susie regretted it as soon as it came out. At least she stopped herself from saying he wasn’t around enough to know that much about who she was now. That she hadn’t exactly not been encouraging Duncan and that she didn’t want him not to be encouraged.

He grasped her hand. “I imagine that’s true. But I know you are a very honest, trusting person, and men prey on that.”

“Dad, I really wish you would talk to him. At least try to get to know him before you put him down. He’s….”

The lights began to lower. Her guys were about to come out. She turned back to her dad just for a minute. “Watch him. This is who he is.”



She stood with the others around her when Raucous began leaving the stage, applauding her band, standing in the midst of the screaming. Susie wanted to go to them, be there as they moved into the wings. She searched for Beau who was to escort them back. It was impossible to see through the heads and shoulders in her way. Not nearly tall enough, she could barely see her guys through the people crowded in front of the stage.

Her dad grasped her arm. “There’s a young man in blue trying to get your attention.”

Susie looked in the direction he indicated. Beau. She motioned for Diane to head toward him. Her dad kept hold of her arm, insisting she go before him. Susie wondered just where he thought she would escape to if he released her. Not far in this crowd.

By the time they’d reached the dressing room, the guys were already there, lounging on the couch and chairs, pumping liquid back into their systems. Duncan stood to meet her, dark patches on his T-shirt showing where his skin had perspired the heaviest. Evan was pulling a dry shirt over his back, faced away from the door, ignoring a comment from Stu about him being such a neat freak and afraid of a little sweat.

“How was it from the front?” Duncan pulled her eyes from the glimpse of Evan’s bare skin.

She grinned, changing her thoughts. “Amazing. You were right. It was nice to watch it that way just once.” Ignoring the sweat, she wrapped her arms over his shoulders. “Though I missed being backstage with you.”

Her dad cleared his throat when she kissed him. And it was just a light kiss. But she increased the distance again, only enough to be able to congratulate all the guys on doing so well with their last show.

Evan distracted their parents from focusing on the way Susie continued to hang on her boyfriend, partly out of spite, she had to admit to herself, by talking about the show and the plans for both parents to drive back to Lakewood to visit. Susie offered Diane a room in her apartment for the few days she would be there, telling Evan’s mom to borrow her dad’s key and let herself in, since they would arrive before the band. She noted Duncan’s curious glance at the mention of her dad having the key to her apartment. She supposed she would need to explain later that his name was still on the lease and she couldn’t make herself ask him to return her key. It had never mattered to her before. Now, she would just as soon know that he couldn’t walk in if he decided to do so.

Wanting to go back out and watch Blue River from the front, Susie hesitated. Her dad was also interested in watching them; his taste in music being similar to hers, but Diane offered Duncan her seat. He couldn’t go. She knew there was no way he could go out in the middle of the crowd after coming off the stage. He thanked Diane for the offer, refusing, but allowing his eyes to tell Susie he would love to accept, to go out and sit in the audience with her.

“We can watch from backstage. Greg won’t mind. And their manager has been really great about it.”

Her dad looked from her to Duncan, then back. “Come out and sit with me. It’ll be more fun for you than being stuck back here.”

“You mean you’d rather be in the audience.”

“If that’s what’ll work.”

She knew what he meant. He was pulling her away, taking her where Duncan couldn’t go. A large part of her wanted to argue, to tell him it was the last show and she wanted to stay there with her boyfriend. But she didn’t. Agreeing to his request, Susie was torn. Should she allow her dad to come between them that way already? Would it be better to insist from the beginning that he couldn’t? Or should she wait until a bigger battle came along? Telling herself it was her own choice to watch Blue River from the audience, she gave Duncan an apologetic look.

He touched the hair hanging down in front of her shoulder. “Do no’ flirt too much with Greg. Y’ may throw him off.”

Susie chuckled. “I think it wouldn’t take much tonight. He’s already kind of off.” She hesitated, wanting to say more but the room was too small. Her dad was hovering too near.

“I will be here.” Duncan leaned in to kiss her, above her ear.

Her dad closed in, saying he wanted to get seated before the lights went out in the auditorium.



Despite Greg’s earlier flailing about, Blue River gave a tremendous last performance of the tour. Susie was glad she’d found Lisa to sit with them since Diane had remained with her son. Tony’s wife didn’t often get the opportunity to be in the audience, either. And her presence kept the conversation general, about the bands and the tour, until the music took over.

Susie couldn’t deny enjoying being part of Blue River’s audience, including Greg’s flirting from stage. But not just with her. Actually, he rarely noted her presence. She assumed her dad was scaring him off. She hoped he wouldn’t scare Duncan off, also. He would try. Susie knew her dad that well.

Lisa pulled them out of the audience just before the band was to make their first exit. She didn’t want to fight getting through the crowd packing themselves against the stage and security guards, which was always worse when the band tried to leave.

Still, they had a harder time getting through. Even backstage was crowded. Did they all have passes to be back there? This time, Susie was appreciative of her dad’s grasp on her arm while moving through all the bodies. Lisa wasn’t bothered. She pushed her way through, fussing at those in her way. Not physically much taller than Susie, the veteran pop star wife acted as though she was as big as anyone. Susie had to appreciate her nerve. But she couldn’t imagine being so aggressive herself.

Someone stopped directly in front of her. Susie looked up. A reporter of some kind. She was starting to recognize them, their forwardness and constant question in their gaze as though trying to decide what to ask first. He was tall, bending his neck awkwardly to address her, asking…. She wasn’t sure. In the noise, she only got a few words.

He leaned closer, repeating the question. Was she the girl dating…. The rest was cut off by screaming nearby. It didn’t matter. She heard enough to know she wanted to avoid him. They weren’t going to get any information from her. Turning in toward her dad, or where she thought her dad was, she held her breath. He wasn’t there. When had he released her arm? And why? The man attempted to get an answer. She looked around him, not an easy task. Steve. He was only a few feet away, which explained the screaming, and the swarm of girls. Still not seeing her dad around, Susie began making her way toward the familiar face. Impossible. His fans would never allow her interference.

The tall man stayed with her, changing questions, none of which she paid enough attention to in order to be able to answer if she’d been interested. The dressing room wasn’t much further. She’d press on in that direction. Eventually, she would get there, if the crowd didn’t consume her first. Her dad would just have to find his way, or ask someone. She couldn’t believe he’d let go and disappeared.

Jerking her head toward another presence closing in, Susie breathed a sigh of relief at the face of the young security guard. He told the tall reporter to back off, with another guy in blue enforcing the order.

“Your father was stopped by another guard. He didn’t have a badge on.”

A badge? No, he was with her. Or was supposed to be. “Where is he?”

“In the dressing room. Concerned about you.” Without asking, he led her through the crowd, pushing people out of their path, keeping an eye out to make sure he didn’t lose her.

Three familiar faces converged on her before reaching the room. Fighting off fans, Duncan and Evan swerved through the bodies, her dad beside them. Duncan reached her first, enveloping her in his arms. She melted into him, grasping the material covering his back. He’d changed out of the stage shirt. This one was dry. It smelled like his cologne.

“Are y’ okay?”

She nodded, her head rubbing against his neck. It had shaken her more than she had allowed herself to realize while still alone. She wouldn’t let go of him again. Her dad wasn’t going to separate them again. Susie wouldn’t allow it.

Duncan led her into the dressing room, keeping an arm around her back. And she held him again after the door was shut, muffling the sounds from the other side. Lisa was there, too. Susie wondered why she was, instead of being with her husband, but didn’t ask. And she didn’t bother to answer her dad’s questioning as to why she walked away from him when he was stopped. Until he insisted.

She looked at him, but refused to move away. “I didn’t know you stopped. I thought you had my arm. With all the people, I couldn’t tell….”

“Can I buy y’ a drink?” Duncan caught her eyes.

“She’s not old enough to drink.” Her dad’s voice was harsh, sharp.

Duncan faced him directly. “I know how old she is. I mean’ a ginger ale. We asked t’ have them here since tha’ is what she likes.”

“John.” Evan moved next to her, handing her dad a Coke. “What did you think of Blue River?”

Susie could have hugged her friend. He pulled her dad, with Diane’s help, into a conversation, allowing Duncan space to take Susie away for a moment.