chapter thirty

18 May, refrain

Duncan stood back and watched Susie and Ev and their parents. Technically, he was talking with Steve again. He enjoyed the veteran guitarist and was flattered that Steve continually made attempts to find and chat with him. This time, Duncan used it as an excuse to allow Susie time with her dad without being close enough to annoy John. Going back and forth between showing Susie enough attention that she wouldn’t think he was trying to avoid her, and wanting not to fuel her dad’s irritation at having him around, Duncan had wandered a lot during their final tour party.

It was okay. There were plenty of people who stopped him to talk or just to say hello, and he didn’t at all mind just hanging around and watching the surrounding activity. Greg, as Lisa had promised, had sobered for the show but was steadily working on returning to his previous state. At least he was keeping more distance from Susie. One look from John had been enough to back Greg away.

Taking a swig of his beer, he answered Steve and returned his eyes to his girlfriend. She seemed tense, keeping her gaze averted during most of the conversation, smiling politely at Ev’s mom, being evasive with her dad. Strange, Duncan thought. Every other time Susie and her dad had been together, they had appeared to be tight, nearly as inseparable as she was from Ev. Tonight, whenever Duncan had just observed, they seemed to be forcing themselves to get along. And they were now. Although, it was nearly one-sided. Her dad adored her; that was apparent even through the strain. But Susie … was hiding from him. The only times she relaxed and smiled honestly was while looking up at Ev.

“I’m losing you to her again, aren’t I?” Steve nudged his arm. “You can go ahead, you know. Just tell me you have better places to be.” He grinned.

“Nah, I ‘m tryin’ not t’ impose too much tonight.” He took another swallow. It was getting warm.

“You don’t get along with her dad, or don’t like him?”

Duncan shrugged. “I haven’t been around him much. Seems okay.”

“Well, hellfire, go over there and chat with them. Get to know him. Here.” Steve pulled out a card from a shirt pocket. “In case I forget later, you can reach me here. Give me a call some time. We’ll have to get together again. You can bring your girlfriend out and stay with us when we’re off. Greg and I split a place, but it’s big, plenty of room for company.”

“I ‘m flattered. And I’ll ask her.” He tucked the card into the back pocket of his jeans. “Bu’ I am not going t’ intrude on them so y’ are not bothering me.”

“Man, as close as you are to her, you might want to get to know him.”

“Yeah, and I would, if he ‘ad any interest in getting’ t’ know me.” He looked back over again and caught Susie’s eyes. They reached out, holding him. And her dad noticed, interrupting. She glanced up at his comment then turned her eyes to the floor. What had he said to her?

With another swallow of his beer, he excused himself from Steve, set the bottle on the table, and headed toward her. She was too tense, not enjoying herself. And he didn’t want the tour to end that way.

John noticed him approaching. The unfriendly gaze didn’t deter Duncan. He made his way up to Susie’s other side, next to his buddy, and set a hand on her back.

“Hey.” She pushed in closer, again keeping hold of his eyes. “Were you having a good chat with Steve?”

“He invited us out to his place, if y’ are interested.”

“Really? That was nice. Even if he has kept you away from me too much tonight.”

Too much? Had he let John push him away too far? “I thought y’ might want time … t’ visit.”

“Well sure but … I can do that with you here, too.”

“I would imagine we’re boring him to tears talking about people he doesn’t know.” Diane’s warm smile welcomed him into their midst.

“No’ at all. I just do no’ want t’ interfere.”

John shifted positions, facing them more directly. “Maybe you should want to try to find out more about who she is since you're … dating? Is that what you’re calling it?”

“Dad.” Susie gripped Duncan’s arm. “Yes, we’re…. Actually … no.” She pulled her hand away again, raising it to show off the ring he’d given her. “It’s more than that.” She met John’s face with no hesitation, chin raised. “It’s his mom’s.”

John stared, first at his daughter then at Ev, accusing him…. “Did you know about this?”

Ev raised his eyebrows. “Yes. Why?”

“Why? Are you serious?”

“Dad, stop it. I’m not a little kid any more. I don’t need a babysitter and Evan is not in charge of what I do. He never was, you know. He didn’t hang out with me because he had to. He hung out with me because he wanted to, so stop acting like he has to watch over everything I do.”

“Susan, you are getting much too close to someone who has no idea who you are, what you are. I don’t like it and I think you should come home with me. There’s no need for you to travel by bus with the men when Diane and I are…”

“How do you know?” Susie lowered her voice, moving back further to again take Duncan’s arm. “How do you know what he knows about me?”

“You’ve known him for a few weeks…”

“For more than two months, and I’ve seen him most every day. Most people date once a week for several months and rarely talk during that time. I know. I’ve done that.” She looked up into Duncan’s eyes before breaking the silence. “This is different.”

Duncan remained quiet, giving her the space to say whatever she wished, things she had been holding in far too long.

She turned back to her dad. “We talk constantly. He knows who I am. He knows more about who I am than … most anyone else at this point. Because he asks. And we talk about everything. He even knew I wanted him to come over here just by looking at me from across the room. Dad … I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m an adult. You can’t tell me any more who I can date. And I’m staying with the band. They invited me and I’m not leaving them now.”

Diane stopped John from arguing with a look; friendly, still warm, but understanding. “She’s more like her mom every day, isn’t she?”

John’s expression changed looking at his friend. The frustration dissolved as a sigh relaxed his shoulders. Susie watched him. Ev studied her face.

Finally, she released Duncan’s arm and went up to her dad. “I’m a lot like you, too, you know.”

His chest rose and fell sharply. “That’s what worries me.”

She grinned and wrapped her arms around him.



John became more sociable; forced, but at least somewhat friendly through the evening. He even chuckled when Greg pushed in between her and Duncan.

“Hey, Beautiful, ready to give up on him and come with me yet?”

Susie ducked out from under his arm. “Sorry, not yet.”

“Well, let me know, ‘cause it’s just a matter of time.” He grasped her hand and gave her a torn piece of paper, closing her fingers over it. “My private line. You can leave a message at that number, and I’ll be there just as soon as I can get there.”

She grinned. “Right, after you finish going through the rest of the girls leaving messages for you.”

“Ouch.” He clasped a hand over his heart. “You know you’re at the top of my list.”

Duncan dropped an arm over Greg’s shoulder. “Move t’ the next in line.”

“Afraid of competition?”

“I guess I migh’ be, if y’ were competition.”

“Oh, I’m competition. You just don’t know it yet.” He winked, turning to John. “Don’t worry, I’ll make a great boyfriend. I’m not around much so she can keep on with what she’s doing in between. And I can fly her back and forth to visit whenever she wants, when I’m not around. I’ve got great connections so she can see any of her fave bands and party with them afterwards. Steve and I are gonna go hang out with Bowie when he’s in town in a couple of months…”

John nodded, asked Susie to see the paper in her hand, and slipped it into his own pocket. “I think I’ll just deal with the current boyfriend for a while.”

Duncan studied John’s face. He seemed serious. Was that a way to give his acceptance? Susie laughed, teasing Greg about being unable to get permission so he was out of luck. Out of luck. Would their relationship actually hinge on getting her dad’s okay? Scary thought, and there wasn’t much that scared him.



Diane shocked him by giving him a hug before she left. “Have a nice ride home.” She looked over at her friend giving instructions for Susie to be careful and take care of herself. “And don’t worry; we’ll work on John. He’s a good man.”

Duncan raised an eyebrow. “I do no’ have any doubt tha’ he is.”

She smiled, touched his arm. “It’ll be nice getting to know you better.” She turned to Evan. “I guess we’ll see you late tomorrow, if you’re sure I won’t be in the way.”

“Of course you won’t. Susie’s glad to have you.”

John released his daughter and nodded a farewell to Duncan. There was a warning in his eyes. The idea of it made Duncan want to back away, to go elsewhere since his presence was not entirely wanted here, in this group. But his gaze fell on Susie and the urge disappeared. He would fight his father for her. If that’s what it would take. He would stay and hold his ground, until she changed her mind.

She clung to him when John and Diane were out of sight, getting closer than she had in front of her dad. Head lowering against his shoulder, arms and fingers pressed against his back, she breathed deeply, relaxing. It was more than the way John felt about their dating; he made Susie nervous. She was different around him – more reserved, restrained, less talkative. But she adored him. Duncan wanted to know more. He wanted to know why.

Someone bumped into them, passing by, and she held tighter. She was tired, ready to be away from the crowd. He could feel it.

He stroked her hair, planting a kiss alongside her head. “Are y’ ready t’ leave?”

She raised her eyes to his. “I’m ready to leave the party, if we can go somewhere together.”

Together. He nodded. It was late, past the bar’s hours, he supposed, but they could find somewhere to go, together.

It proved impossible. Blue River fanatics, and apparently some new Raucous followers, were still camped out in the hallways, unbelievable at nearly two in the morning. They retreated to Susie’s room amidst unanswered comments about wanting to contact the other guys and a few personal questions.

He closed the door and checked the room. Empty.

She slid out of her shoes, silent and yawning.

“I will take y’ ou’ when we ge’ home. Alone. An’ when y’ are no’ so tired.”

Claiming his hand, she remained silent, pulling him toward the little couch, moving closer to erase the small space he left between them. And she touched his face. “I’m not ready to leave this. Being out here with you, away from the real world. Tell me this won’t end when we get back.”

“Suse, it does no’ matter where we are. I am in love with you. Here. There. I’ does no’ matter.”

She kissed him, grasping the back of his head, pulling in tighter. He took her in, claiming her, running a hand around her waist to find her bare skin. He loved touching the curve of her lower back, and he wanted more. His lips found her neck, the base of her shoulder. Her hand lowered to his chest, beneath the vest, against his heart. He allowed his fingers to slide further up her spine, nearing the middle of her back. And he stopped. Pulled away. She had made it clear she wasn’t sure she wanted this. He had promised he wouldn’t push.

“I shoul’ go.” The heaviness of his breathing made the words hard to say.

“No…”

“Babe….” He couldn’t look at her, and he couldn’t stay so close. He stood.

“Duncan.” She sat still, waiting for his eyes. “Don’t keep pulling away.”

He caught his breath, met her gaze. She was trusting him, asking him to trust himself. It wasn’t something he was used to doing.

“Just hold me. I don’t want to let go tonight.”

Trust himself. For her, he would.

Again lowering to the couch, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, accepting her head lying against him. She moved it, trying to find a comfortable spot against the vest. He roused her enough to take it off and she settled back in.

Concentrating on the gentle movement of her breathing, he slid his fingers through her hair. Trust. Something he had fought doing for so many years. He could feel the defenses he had worked so hard to build crumbling in her presence. Was it safe? No, he couldn’t imagine her being safe. She was too intoxicating, too exhilarating, too … willing to trust him.

And she was asleep. He could feel it in the way she relaxed against him, allowing his total support. He held her a few minutes longer, then took her to the bed, pulling the covers back and replacing them over her body. She stirred just a bit and he told her good night, touching her lips. Then he settled onto the couch. He wouldn’t leave her in the room alone when she wasn’t awake to lock the chain.