|I can see myself standing in the front of a classroom. The environment is exactly as I left it ten years ago. The details on the wall are vague impressionistic, optimistic Monet's. Though out of focus, the image brings feelings of creativity and comfort.
I have burned out more than once. I give 110% as an English teacher. I've always looked at pen and pencil writing to make sure students put periods and correct apostrophes. I'm a tough editor, and re-writes are generally like squeezing blood out of a turnip. I don't expect that part's changed.
My eyes have faded, and computers self-correct such mistakes. Technology marches on, and so shall I.
I have developed a different purpose, philosophy and a different perspective on my life since I left the classroom in 1995. Students ought to be able to communicate without vernacular getting in the way. There are multiple ways to say anything, and a degree of class distinction goes to those who speak properly--especially if their language sends you to look up a word in the dictionary, learn something new, grow a brain cell.
I have mixed feelings about the focus on standardized tests. Graduation is not getting a piece of paper with an acceptable number, getting drunk celebrating, then not waking up the next morning because you drove drunk and killed yourself and all your best friends, plus the other poor fools in your way.
Learning is more than can be measured by any kind of pencil and paper test. Schools aren't particularly organized to teach real life, except as a by product generated by recognition as an outstanding school, in my opinion.
But then I know I'm a cynic, and working for somebody means adhering to common missions and guidelines. If I don't take the responsibility of fixing all the problems in the world, I will be a less stressed person. I can do what I'm told.
Some things change with time--others don't. I'll be able to grab on to some happy medium.
Schools have a need for good teachers. I've been an excellent, overly involved, English teacher, wanting to be a writer. Now, I've spent a good amount of time chasing that dream of publication. I've had a good amount of success, but none of it financial.
I have to make more money to chase bigger, but attainable dreams. I know how to write. I know what I want to write about. I know the market requires promotion for sales.
I've "studied" free-lance writing for long enough to have figured the difficulties out, and thought about possible solutions. Goals change over periods of time. Maybe I need to live high school routine again for a while to rearrange my perspective.
I'm confident this will happen. It feels right. The on-line application is in, and the sealed transcripts have been re-ordered. I know the district has four posted vacancies I could fill.
I will take deep breaths, meditate myself positively to sleep, and expect miracles.
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