The Girl Inside

My name is Brooklyn Banks, I’ve

been told that I am beautiful, but I just don’t

see what others see. My green eyes should be

brown, my long black hair should be shoulder

length, my light skin should be darker, but

that’s just my opinion. I live with my mom and my

six year old brother Brandon, our dad left five

years ago, so now it’s just the three of us. I

also I have a boyfriend his name is Camajay, and

I love him so much.

When I first met Camajay, I was a

freshman at Crenshaw high and he was a

sophomore .We didn’t click at first, he was the

captain of the basketball team with a bright

future and every girl wanted him. He just wasn’t

my type, at least that’s what I thought. By my

junior year, we had been together for a year. He

had also been hitting me for a whole year, it’s

not his fault, I shouldn’t have done the things

that I did, so he told me. I remember when he

first hit me, I smiled at my best friend Anthony,

and when I turned to look at Camajay his hand

came down on my mouth, the feeling was like no

other, it was as if someone had banged my head

against a sink. After hitting me he looked at me

and said, “You see? You are the reason I lose my

temper!!” What could I say? I thought he was

right, maybe I should have just kept paying him

attention.


My mom knew that something was

wrong when she saw my mouth, “Brook baby, what

happened here?” I tried not to cry when I lied to

my mother for the first time, “mom, I got into a

fight at the movies, just some girls from school

who don’t like me,” I knew it was a weak excuse,

but what was I going to say? ‘Camajay hit me so

hard he almost knocked me out!’ yeah right. My

dad used to hit her and the last thing I wanted

to do was bring back those bad memories. I walked

into my brothers room before going to take my

shower. When I looked at him I broke down I

didn’t want him to be like this when he got older

I wanted him to respect women and love them.


Camajay’s abuse went on right

into my senior year and his freshman year at USC.

I remember I wasn’t allowed to visit him at

school and I was just fine with that I didn’t

want him to hit me just because a guy was paying

me attention. The only thing was he didn’t want

me hanging out with my friends. If he found out

that I was out with anyone besides my mom, my

brother, or him he would hit me or yell at me,

sometimes he would threaten me, “Why don’t you

listen Brooklyn?” He would yell, “I told you I

didn’t want you hanging out with them, you keep

on you will be sorry I will make sure of that!!!”

I wanted someone to help me or maybe I didn’t

because I remember some of my friends reaching

out to me and I would tell them to stay out of

it just to make sure that they were safe. I

didn’t feel like Camajay loved me unless he hit

me.


I was breaking down

slowly, and everyone saw it, including my

mom. “Baby, please tell me what’s wrong,” she

pleaded while laying down on the bed with

me, “you just aren’t the same. Your hair looks

bad, your eyes aren’t bright like they used to

be, what’s wrong?” I watched as my mother cried

on my shoulder, she cared about me, she loved me,

but I didn’t love myself. I didn’t care anymore,

I didn’t even go out of the house unless I was

going to school.


I couldn’t take feeling like this

anymore, I called Camajay, “Camajay, I can’t do

this anymore, you hurt me and some where along

the way I lost Brooklyn, I can’t do this

anymore.” He never said anything, he just hung

up. His silence scared me more then anything.

When I went back to school I was happy I smiled

again, and I apologized to the people that I had

shut out of my life. I couldn’t be free because I

knew that Camajay was still coming to the school

to check up on me. He would stare at me and he

gave me the worst looks. It was a really cold

stare and I had people walk me to class, and walk

me to my car and even though my mom didn’t know

why she met me outside when I got home.


One night while sitting in around

playing with my brother, Camajay called and asked

me to come over to his house I couldn’t say no I

just didn’t have the strength. My little brother

asked to go with me and I always give him what he

ask for but that night I didn't have a good

feeling. I kissed my mother and hugged her tight,

and I did the same to Brandon, and I left. When I

drove up to Camajay’s house, he approached my

car. What happened next both scared me and

relieved.


“17 year old Brooklyn Banks was

shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend, 19 year old

Camajay Davis…..” This is just half of what I see

and hear as I watch my friends cry at home and

school, and watch my mom try to explain to my

brother my Brookie is never coming back home,

I’ll never get the chance to help raise my

brother or kiss him good night again. Camajay

took that from me, but I’ll sit on his bed and my

mom’s bed every night and watch them sleep.


I say that I was both relieved

and scared, I was scared because I never thought

that he would kill me, but I am also relieved

that I no longer have to endure all of that pain.

I think that every female has to find the girl

inside them, it's a part of you that sometimes

wonders off and want's to be found.


You see, no one could save me, but I wish they

could have. I was crying for help when that first

bullet hit me, but no one heard me. How could no

one hear my cries? I guess in a way I wanted to

go, how could I continue to live my life in fear

or even live with all of that pain he inflicted

on me? Now I sit here and watch as Camajay sits

in a cell crying and apologizing to my picture.

He now realizes that when he took my life he also

took his own.