Faith in Humanity

Faith in Humanity


Who is it
Humanity isn’t the mobs of unknown people we see or hear about everyday, on the news, or through the marvels of TV or the Internet.
We are Humanity.

We come in contact with Humanity through all the people we deal with everyday. Home, at work, on our commute, on our shopping trips or at the gym, we see the same people. So much of what is important to me is important to them. And so much of what is important to them is important to me.

We want to enjoy life. We want to minimize the discomforts. We want to get where we’re going smoothly. We don’t want interruptions.

We want respect.


Respect
You want respect.

The easiest way to get respect is to give respect. In this ever-hastening world, it seems like the easiest way to get something is to demand it, usually from someone else, but you are still dealing with another person who is feeling the same need as you – to be respected.

We like being treated as the person we know we are. When dealing with another person, even if we don’t know who this other person is, what they believe, what they have been through, it is a good guess that since they have made it this far through however many years, then they do deserve some respect. Just as we always determine that we deserve respect.

In all of our daily interaction with people, how often do we remember the other person’s humanity?


The Truth
There are words which everyone will use whose honorable meaning cannot be denied. Truth is one of these words. Used frequently with honesty and more frequently when asking someone else about something they did or how they feel. “Tell the truth.”

The meaning of the word truth sounds like a security blanket that will guard us, soothe and heal us. We always say we want the truth. The only blanket of truth you can wrap around yourself is the truth about you.

All the things you do define who you are. See the truth of the person you are, the person you want to be. See the truth that you cannot change anyone but yourself. If this is true, where should you start?


Growing Up
“Grow up”. I am still in the process. I have taken breaks in growing up with various distractions to pretend I didn’t have as much responsibility as I do. I didn’t want those things to be dependant on me, but I wanted the joy that comes when those things are good. I wanted the love, not the work.

Aging isn’t the same as growing up. Aging isn’t the same as getting old. Wisdom has nothing to do with Age.

You are growing up when you take responsibility for your actions, at all times and do not use any excuse for not acting your best. You are getting old when you start closing your mind to new ideas, when you stop learning. You are always on the path to become wiser, if you keep your eyes open.

How often do I look to another to acknowledge me?


Everyday
One after the other, they can start to blur into routine. All the measurements of time from seconds to millennium. How long something has existed, how long something has happened, how much longer do I have to wait for the things that I want.

Each day has been expected and anticipated. Each day has a feel in the now, in the present than we could only imagine when it was part of the future. And do we treat it like the future that we looked forward to, or act the same as yesterday and look forward to tomorrow?


I am
I am the other person to everyone I meet. I am the other driver to all the other cars on the road. I am a member of the ‘rush hour traffic’. I am the married father of two, earning a modest income, a member of the ‘middle-class’. I am a member of the ‘Baby Boom’ generation. My membership goes on and on.

Think of how many groups to which you belong. And then add another one – I am a member of Humanity.

In all those groups are things that could stir all the emotions in my personality soup – pride, frustration, excitement and on and on. What groups might my spouse or anyone else place me into, to which I am proud or feel I don’t belong or want to belong?


Everybody Else
Standing on the corner in the middle of the city, I don’t want to be part of that humanity I see. I don’t want to be the guy yelling from his car, the driver pulling out in front of a flashing ambulance, the woman smoking a cigarette pushing her baby in a stroller, the homeless man on the sidewalk.

Everyone has reasons for what they do. They are not always good reasons, and sometimes they aren’t reasons that we would use. Every person who reads this is at a point in their life where they can be proud of or rationalize their actions. An action that needs to be rationalized needs to be re-examined.

I want to be at a point where I am proud of my actions, and compassionate towards others. Who among us wouldn’t want a little understanding, a little help?


The List
As I get older, with more things to do, more things to remember, more memories than before, I make temporary lists to remind myself. Inside, I had kept a different list, on one side was how much I did for someone. On the other side of the list was what the other person didn’t do for me.

Remembering what someone didn’t do for me didn’t make me feel any better about myself or them or our relationship. They may have had a good reason for not doing it, or maybe not. I didn’t always have a good reason for the way I acted, though I could rationalize my actions based on what I got and what I didn’t get.

Everyone else’s list was different than mine and we were never able to agree on which one was more right. This list I kept actually had no real productive use, other than making me upset and feeling self-righteous.

I threw out that list and have made a new list – all the things that get done for me and all the things I will do. When I think of that list, I feel thankful to those people around me. It gives me a purpose to fulfill. Why keep doing something only because I know it so well if it doesn’t help me become a better person?


Family
There is our family, whatever structure your immediate family takes and your extended family resembles. These people are related by blood. I have spent many years in their company as a child thinking more of myself than I did of them. We have shared many of the same experiences with different memories of what happened.

Now we are older. Now we have grown-up a bit. Now it is time to make sure that my attitude and actions towards them are based on what I know now, not what I remember of back then.

We will still have different feelings of the same experience, but if I am trying to be a better person, why not practice on my family?


Friends
I picked the people I wanted to have as friends. Which ones were close, which ones were casual. I imposed myself onto all of them, because I was thinking of what they could do for me, because I thought I was a good friend myself.

I no longer think that everyone is here to do something for me or make me look better. I no longer wait for someone to become a friend. Even with all the small detailed differences, we share so much with the people next to us in life experiences – family, friends, work, on and on. Many times in our conversation, we are trying to let the other person know who we are – what we think is important, who is the person we see as ourself.

It’s so easy to break the ice with someone to start a friendship on any level. Who couldn’t use another good friend?


Workplace
I once thought there was never enough money that I could be paid to spend a third of my day not pursuing my own sense of importance in life. All these things in work are for the benefit of someone else. Misery only loves company because it is someone who will easily agree with your complaints.

There are monetary and personal benefits in work. One is obvious, the other we have to remember that every personal interaction allows us a chance to help someone. Work does offer the ability to accomplish a tangible goal in the activities you perform. Whether or not it gets acknowledged by your boss is another story that we won’t address here.

Every one has a job to do and work makes it very obvious who can do what and when. Work tries to define the procedures for accomplishing a task, and people will do what is necessary to get the work done. I can also learn more about many people, as everyone is willing to discuss non-work issues, especially if they are still on the clock.

Since it is such a sizable chunk of our time, why not make peace with the workplace and put the time to good use?


Attitude
This is the way I am, like it or not. This statement tells others to change for me. It serves the purpose of self-righteousness. I am ordering whoever to acknowledge that the person that I have spent all this time becoming is worthwhile, is admirable.

This is driving fast to get to the next light in front of the same cars. We are all in this together, and are only by ourself if we decide to be.

This word ‘attitude’ has evolved a meaning to suggest a more aggressive demeanor, to tie directly into the self-righteous challenge. I think of my own attitude and it’s not something I want forcing on the world to announce my presence, it is the basis for a better understanding of all the things that affect me. It is meant to help me understand to enjoy all the things this world has to offer.

I have spent so much time judging and comparing in the hope of affirming my own self-worth, without ever achieving that goal. If I no longer keep the list, then the score doesn’t matter anymore. If the score doesn’t matter, then there’s no use in judging myself against others.

The only person I should compare myself to is my former self. If I am not becoming a better person myself, what difference does it make how I compare to others?


Plans
I want to get something done and this is how much I want to do. This was the familiar way I approached many tasks in my life, only to get frustrated when it wasn’t done in my set time frame. A job takes as long as it take to get it done. A trip will take as long as it takes. Afterwards, we may be figure out ways in which it needn’t take up so much time. Sometimes, we may need to change how we estimate the time needed. I can look at the task in terms of what I learned, not how long it took.

How many learning opportunities have I missed because I was thinking of how long it would take?


Change
There is only one person who I can change – me. I have waited for others to change, I have hoped others to change, I have told others to change. Each approach I tried in getting someone else to change resulted in me getting frustrated because they didn’t change for what I wanted.

The self-centered lesson I taught myself through this experience is that people are clueless and most times useless. The interesting lesson I learned when I stopped centering everyone’s actions around me was that I needed to change. How I thought, what I expected, my whole approach in trying to co-ordinate activities with others. Instead of spending a lot of time changing others, I use that time to better understand others.

What good is it thinking that you are right if you are not happy?


Being Wrong
It can still happen. I had always wanted it to be the last time when I said “I was wrong.” When I was focused only on the impact of an event on my self-image, I missed out on learning something new about life and people,

We will never get away from saying right or wrong. We will be tested throughout our entire life and someone other than myself may pass the judgment. In some situations, like a school test or a trivia game, it can be determined easily – right or wrong. When dealing with long-term decisions, life events, other people, the definition of right and wrong take on a whole different scope. It can change over time.

I learn more about myself when I learn more about life. When do you want to stop learning?


Youth
Seems to get farther and farther away from me each day. I have never been as old as I am now. I have never had as much experience as I do today.
I have so much practical knowledge and experience with life, that it overflows out into conversations, trying to give people a sense of who I am and what I know.

What happens when they ignore your best advice and then try to convince you that their decision was for the best because of some set of circumstances. And promise to be better. Next time. Once again.

What happens when this person is you?


Waiting
I have waited for the things I wanted for so long, not getting them that I started to wonder why I was waiting. Why I wanted those things. Why I don’t initiate the necessary steps to move onwards with life.

I had a list of what I was waiting for – waiting to enjoy life a little more. Even though the list stated “Waiting for whoever to apologize”, I was the one keeping all those little things in the way of my happiness.

Once I stopped blaming others for the things I didn’t have, I realized I could get the things necessary for me to enjoy life everyday – right now.

What are you waiting for?


Sorry
I thought I should never have to say sorry. Since I was always acting in my best self-interest, if something I did caused somebody else some grief or pain, then it was their problem, not mine.

I was only thinking of me. I lacked compassion. Without compassion, my world was a cold, hard place, and I was always fighting to get what I wanted, and angry that I had to fight so hard.

Once I started being considerate of others, I realized that I could still accomplish what I wanted, without the fight, without the anger. I realized that my main interest extends beyond what I want, it is in making life better, more enjoyable for humanity – it whatever small way I can. If it’s just getting through the day, overcoming a fear, becoming aware of something that wasn’t known before, or getting a smile so that you’re happy, every little bit helps.

Why not start now?

How
We all have as much to do as the next person. Most people would say more. Just because you don’t see the struggles that another person goes through doesn’t minimize the work that is involved.

Each child, each person goes through life one day at a time. With everything else going on, it would appear that there isn’t enough time to put into practice all these little hints.

There is only one way to do these things. Practice. There is only one way to learn to play a piano. Practice. And pretty soon you are acting and playing from memory. And each step along the way enables you to see more of what can be done knowing and acting what you know now.

Can I judge someone else without judging myself?


Priority
I have not yet reached the point where I am unaffected by another person misunderstanding me, or thinking of me as being inconsiderate. We face many choices throughout the day, throughout our life, and I have to decide what to do.

The decisions I make may not always be agreeable to everyone, even those closest to me. But I always do things for a reason. And my reasons are actually fairly simple:
         > I will always do whatever is necessary for my children to learn about life;
         > I will always try to prove myself worthy of the love my wife espouses for me;
         > I will always try to treat my parents with the respect and gratitude for bringing me into this world and raising me;
         > I will always try to understand my siblings as best I can, foregoing any judgment upon their activities;
         > I will treat each person as someone who I can help and who can help me.

The last item stretches across all of the others while including all Humanity.

This is the order for me and each item is set in its position for importance within my life, and would only be altered under extreme circumstances. In understanding this, you understand me. No question about it.


Sacred
This word is usually used relating to religion, yet one of its meanings is
worthy of respect. This encompasses more than Humanity, it includes the world in which we live.

Respect is understanding. Respect can start to be true when we lay aside the burden of our own self-centeredness. It is not important as to what I get all the time as what I can learn and how can I help.

In not thinking about me so much, I have become a better person, a happier person and a person who enjoys life so much more with what it has to offer rather than what it’s not giving me. I am the one who has to give.

It is a way to the sacred in each of us.





My Experience
My psuedo-scientific evidence is the accumulation of knowledge and feelings that I have as experienced through 40+ years of life, 100+ books, 2 kids a wife, many friends, my family, the people I’ve met in my work and my daily dealings with the many people who I am meeting for the first time.

The belief in humanity is the belief in ourselves.

Is that how it really is?
That is my daily work-out. The simple things are the ones I forget the most. The main one is – everything starts with me. Do not expect something of someone else that you are not willing to give yourself. When I stop my judgment of others, I stop my own self-delusion.

And then I am ready to live and learn. How great is that?