The Case of the Pint-Sized Doll

Case of the Pint-Sized Doll

         Spam was alone. The gentle rain seemed to take the harshness off of the night. Maybe it was because people stayed inside when it rained. Maybe it was because the rhythm of the rain soothed the troubled soul. Spam wasn’t sure what it was, but he enjoyed the darkness of the dimly-lit office and the quiet of the moment. A little longer and he would make his way to Hannity’s for a couple of drinks before he called it a day.

         A rustle in the hall claimed his attention. Spam was aware of the normal sounds outside his door. He knew the sound of the janitor pulling the mop buckets and the sound of the secretaries shuffling down the hall after work. He knew the creaks of the floor when weight was placed upon it. The sound he heard was not exactly any of those. That was why Spam drew his gun and slowly approached his office door. The sound outside had ceased. Either someone was preparing to enter his office or they had scurried back out of the hallway. Spam slowly placed his left hand on the doorknob. His right hand pointed the gun into the space beyond the door. With a sudden, rapid motion Spam jerked the door open, ready to shoot if necessary.

         No one was there. The hallway lay before him, dark and quiet. He heard a whimper and glanced to his feet.

          “My God!!” was all he could say because of what he saw.

         In a small basket at his feet was an infant. Spam crouched to take a closer look. He wasn’t familiar with babies, but this was definitely a baby. Spam stepped into the darkened hallway.

          “Is anyone there?” he called into the darkness.

         There was no answer and he did not expect one. He returned to the child lying in his office door. Picking the baby up Spam closed the door.

          “Well, I don’t suppose you can afford my retainer, can you?” He muttered as he stared at the infant.

         Fortunately the child was sleeping. Spam knew that he had to act quickly while that was still the case. He laid the baby on the large Naugahyde couch and picked up the phone receiver. He dialed the number that he knew would have all the answers.

          “Hello, Cass?” Cassidy was Spam’s girl-Friday. He was lost without her.

          “Yeah, it’s Spam. Listen Cass, I’ve got a little problem. I think this one is out of my area of expertise.”

          “Well, I appreciate your confidence in me but I really need you on this one.”

          “It’s a baby. There’s a baby at the office.”

          “No I don’t know how it got there or whose it is. But I need you to get over here as fast as you can. I’m not sure what to do if it wakes up.”

********

         Cassidy knew that Spam was in trouble when she entered the hallway outside his office. The persistent cry of a baby pierced the silent hallway. She opened the door to find him standing over the child saying. “Shhhhh, now, baby! Cassidy will fix everything when she gets here, shhhhh!”

          “You’re confidence in me is commendable. But, good grief Spam, it’s only a baby”

          “Glad to see you, Doll. Do your magic.” Spam shot a frantic look to Cassidy that exhibited both frustration and hopelessness.

          “Spam, we can fix this. It’s just unhappy. It’s either hungry or uncomfortable. I brought some milk for hunger and some diapers for comfort. Move over and let me work.

         Spam gladly moved out of the way. Cassidy took charge immediately. A sniff of the diaper provided her with a place to start. Spam was impressed with the way she handled the infant. He surmised that these were skills inbred in women; and after all, Cassidy had a kid of her own. She’d done this before.

         Cassidy tossed the soiled diaper into a sack and announced, “Well, Spam, it is a girl. We’ll have her eating in just a moment and that ought to keep her quiet.”

         True to her word, within a minute the baby was eagerly taking the bottle. It was a truly amazing sight to Spam.

          “Cass, I want you to take the little Doll, there, home with you. Don’t worry about coming into work. It’s the week-end anyway.”

          “Sure, Spam, but don’t you think you ought to call CPS to come and get her?”

          “I’d rather not do that, Cass. I’d like to find the kid’s family. It doesn’t excite me to put the kid into the system. I’ll let Dave Frisco know that we have the kid. I think I can hold the state off until the weekend is over.

********

         With Cassidy and the little Doll safely out of the way, Spam settled into the business of finding the kid's parents. There was a reason that the little Doll turned up on his doorstep. Spam intended to find out why. The first thing he did was call his friend Lieutenant Dave Frisco.

          “Yeah, I need to talk to Dave Frisco…yeah, I’ll hold.” There was a moment before Dave’s familiar voice came on the telephone.

          “Dave, this is Spam. You got a second?”

          “What’dya mean what’s wrong? Can’t a guy call a friend for a friendly little talk?”

          “Well, since you bring it up there is a little problem I need your help on?”

          “Com’on, Dave, that one wasn’t my fault. And this doesn’t involve any money.”

          “Well, it seems I’ve got a baby.”

          “No, I didn’t say I had a baby—I’ve got one. It’s a little Doll. I don’t know where she came from or who her parents are. Cass has her over at her place, right now.”

          “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t want to involve CPS just yet. There’s a reason she was left here. I’d kinda like to work on that. I needed to report it to the authorities, but I’d like for you to hold off until after the weekend before she has to enter the system. Can you do that for me?”

          “I don’t see it as breaking the rules, Dave; it’s more like bending them. Actually, it’s really just deferring them for the weekend.”

          “Thanks, Dave; I knew I could count on you. By the way, keep near the phone if you can. I may need a little help running records.”

          “Thanks again, Dave.”

         Spam’s next stop was to visit Hannity’s, across the street. He could use his two drinks for the evening, but he also wanted to do a little business. Someone should have seen a baby being carried into his building. The guys over at Hannity’s were pretty observant. Many of them had nothing else better to do.

********

         There’s something about a neighborhood bar that makes it comfortable. Jocko Hannity cared for his bar like it was his home. In fact, it was his home; he slept in a bedroom in the back. He polished the fine wood of the bar; his few tables and chairs were also wooden. He didn’t approve of the metal tables and chairs so many of the bars were using now. He didn’t have any fancy game tables like shuffle-board or pool. The only diversion was a dart board and some darts to throw at it. But, even those were regulation and well made.

          “Evenin’, Jocko,” Spam greeted as he walked in the bar.

          “Your usual?” Jocko returned with a grin.

          “Sure, give me a couple of fingers of Jack Daniels. I’m lookin forward to it tonight.”

          “What’s so special about tonight, Spam?”

          “Well, Jocko I had a little visit from a pint-sized Doll tonight.”

         Jocko chuckled, “Spam, I’ve never seen you have any problem with dames. This one musta been special.”

          “She is, Jocko. She’s about eighteen inches tall and has a pretty strong voice. Someone left a kid outside my door. Cass has her over at her place right now.”

         Jocko shook his head in wonder, “You don’t say?”

          “Yeah, I do say. Can you tell me who was in here at about eight o’clock tonight?”

          “Gee, Spam, you know how people come and go in here. It’s hard to say.” Jocko furrowed his brow and thought for a moment. “Wait a minute—why didn’t I think of that—Ruben was in here. Sat at his same spot over by the window. In fact he’s still sitting there.”

         Spam looked to the spot where Ruben usually sits. Sure enough, the regular was sitting there nursing a drink. Spam considered his good fortune and worried about it just the same. Ruben was not the most dependable witness. It all depended on whether it was before or after he passed out. Spam approached the serious drinker and wondered about his fortunes.

          “Hey, Ruben, how ya doin’?”

          “Shpam, esh goot to she ya! Have a drink and I’ll ave one to.” Ruben grinned widely.

         Most folks learned to pretty much leave Ruben alone. The conversation usually turned quickly to his woes, which were an old story that they’d all heard before. Regardless, Ruben was a nice guy who never turned ugly with the booze. It had the opposite effect of tranquilizing him, which Spam supposed was the reason Ruben drank, a lot.

          “I’ve already got one, Ruben; but, I’ll buy you one.”

          “You’re a goot man, Shpam. I alwaysh tell everone, ‘Shpam’s a goot man’”

         Spam sat at one of the empty chairs. “Ruben, you been sitting here all day?”

          “Yup, hall dey. Jush washin the whorld go by.”

          “You see a lot of stuff out that window, don’t you?”

          “Thas right. People livin’ and workin’ and doin’ stuff without ole Ruben. I she lots of thins.”

          “Ruben, did you happen to see someone carry a baby into my building over there?”

          “The bayebe--I shaw that bayebe. Esh was a gurl in a ello merro. She went hinto yur building. Yup, it wash an ello merro.”

          “Ruben, what’s an ello merro?”

          “Shilly, esh a car. Yu know, a ello merro.”

          “You mean a yellow camero? Is it a yellow camero Ruben.? Are you sure?”

          “Course hime sure, cuz I saw the cop give hit a ticket for parkin next to tha far-idran.”

         Spam patted the tippsy regular on the back. “Good job, Ruben. You did good. Now, you take care of yourself. I gotta go.”

          “Heni time, Shpam. Yur a goot man, Shpam. At’s wha I tell peepul, ‘Shpam’s a goot man.’”

         Spam left Ruben to his own world and retuned to the bar where Jocko had been watching the dialogue.

          “Jocko, here’s money for a drink for Ruben. Wait and give it to him tomorrow. Here’s some money for cab-fare. See that he gets home in one piece tonight.”

          “Sure, Spam. Anything else?”

          “Yeah, hand me your phone; I’ve got a couple of calls to make.”

         Jocko reached under the bar and grabbed the telephone and placed it on the bar next to Spam. Spam dialed Lieutenant Frisco’s number and waited for him to answer.

          “Hello, Dave?”

          “It’s me, Spam. I need you to check something out for me. Sometime early this evening a ticket was issued to a yellow camero just outside my building. It was illegally parked next to a fire-hydrant.”

          “No, I don’t have the plates. I was kinda hopin’ you would be able to tell me who it is registered to. I suspect it’s the little Doll’s mom.”

          “Yeah, I’ll be at Hannity’s. I appreciate it Dave? I owe you one.”

         Spam hung the telephone on the receiver and then picked it up and dialed Cassidy’s number.

          “Hello, Cass? How’s the little Doll doin?”

          “That’s good. We can all use a little sleep. Maybe I can find where she belongs and get her back to her own bed.”

          “What note? You found a note pinned to her blanket?”

          “OK, read it to me Cass. Wait a minute let me write this down.” Spam grabbed a bar napkin and pulled out his fountain pen. “OK, Cass, shoot”

         Spam wrote exactly what Cassidy read from the note which was pinned to the child’s blanket. The note read:

“Please, Mr. Hummer, take care of Kimberly. I’ll be back for her. Jennifer.”

          “Thanks, Cass, this may be important. Stay close to the phone. I’ll be back to ya later.”

         Spam hung the phone on the receiver. Jocko placed it back beneath the bar. Spam finished off his drink and motioned to Jocko to pour his second and last drink for the evening. Just as Jocko finished pouring the drink the telephone rang.

         Jocko answered the phone and nodded, “Yeah, he’s sitting right here. Hold a sec.” Jocko held the telephone out to Spam and said, “It’s for you.”

          “Hummer here.”

          “Yeah, Dave, what do ya got?” Spam repeated the conversation as he wrote it down.

          “Registered to Jennifer Mathis…424 Riverside…Crystal City.”

          “What, there’s more?”

         Spam fell silent for a moment as Lieutenant Frisco shared additional information.

          “Blazes!” Spam uttered as Frisco continued to speak. Eventually the call was ended and Spam handed the telephone back to Jocko and shook his head.

          “It appears that I’ve gotta take a little drive, Jocko.”

          “Where are you goin’, Spam? And what was that conversation all about?” Jocko quizzed Spam.

          “I gotta take a little trip to Crystal City. That’s where the grand-parents of the pint-sized Doll lives. It seems as if that yellow camaro, which was parked outside my building, was involved in a liquor store hold-up this evening. There were two people: a male, who was shot and killed by the store owner, and a female who was picked up waiting outside in the car. She didn’t even realize that her boyfriend had been shot. She waited there until the cops arrived to arrest her."

********

          “Thanks for letting me go with you, Spam,” Cassidy spoke as she held the baby snuggly in her arms.

          “Didn’t have much choice, Cass. We need to get the pint-sized Doll to her grandparents before CPS starts to check on the family. I gotta think it’s the best thing for the kid. If we find that it’s a bad situation, we’ll just take her back with us.” Spam explained.

         "Spam, Lieutenant Frisco called me earlier this evening." Cassidy spoke with a soft and tentative voice. "The line was busy at Jocko’s and he took a chance that you were over here. You weren’t and he eventually got you. But, Frisco told me something."

         “Yeah, well, Frisco talks too much,” Spam grumbled. “For a cop, you can’t believe everything you hear.”

         “Frisco told me that they had an all-points-bulletin out for the baby. It seems the grandparents reported her as being kidnapped by her mother's boy-friend. He also told me that there was a twenty-thousand dollar reward for the baby. Is that why we are going to Crystal City, Spam—to get the money?”

         Spam glanced at Cassidy in the dark, “Twenty grand is a lot of money, Cass.”

          “It’s pretty late, Spam, do they know that we are coming.”

          “Yeah, Cass, I called them and told them that I was coming. They said they’d wait up for us.”

********

         It was a nice house in a nice neighborhood. The door opened to reveal a well dressed woman a little older than Spam. She wasn’t old enough to be his mother, just his older sister.

          “You must be Mr. Hummer. Who is this that is with you?”

          “Yes ma’am, I’m Spam Hummer and this is Cassidy Hunter, she works with me. And I guess you know the little one here.”

          “Oh, yes, Mr. Hummer, we are very familiar with Kimberly. We love her very much. Please, may I hold her?”

         Cassidy handed the infant to her grandmother. When she did, she knew that the trip was the right thing to do. Her grandmother kissed the child on the forehead and let her eyes follow every inch of the little body; much like a mother does with her young. She then returned her attention to Spam and Cassidy.

          “My name is Samantha and my husband’s name is Henry. Please come in. Henry is waiting in the parlor.”

         Everyone assembled in the parlor. It was late and not a time to visit so Spam got to business.

          “Mr. and Mrs. Mathis, I don’t know what all you know.” Spam began.

         Henry Mathis interrupted, “Mr. Hummer, we know that our daughter is in a lot of trouble. But we also know that she is alive and that dead-beat boyfriend of her's is dead. We would not wish that on anyone, but it may be for the best.”

         Samantha Mathis continued, “That’s true, Mr. Hummer. Hank was a bad influence on Kimberly. He hated us because we interfered in his plans. We wanted Jennifer to leave him for good and stay with us. Her home was here, until he convinced her to leave. He would not let her contact us. We could not see our grandchild.

          “I suppose that’s why she left the child at my door-step. She figured I would find out who she was and get her back to you,” Spam inserted.

          “Yes, that sounds like Jennifer. She really is a very smart girl.” Henry confirmed.

          “Well, Mr. Mathis, she’s gonna need all the smarts that she can get. She’s in a lot of trouble, as you said. But the important thing is that your granddaughter is home again. I think I’ve done all that I can do here. We will be going now, thank you for your hospitality.”

          “Mr. Hummer, I guess you know that we put up a reward for Kimberly's return. I guess you've earned it. I'll have my bank wire the money to you Monday morning.” Henry Mathis stated.

          “That’s a nice offer, sir; but, I wouldn’t feel right taking your money. You’re going to need all that you have to help your daughter. So, we’ll just be going now.”

*******

         Cassidy and Spam rode in silence on the trip home. They both knew that what they did was the right thing, but there was an air of melancholy about them. Cassidy broke the silence, “Spam that was a very nice thing that you just did. I always knew that you were a softie.”

          “Yeah, well, I try not to let that happen much. It doesn’t pay the bills.” Then Spam spoke under his breath, “But, it feels really good.”