Grudge

Creeping nearer every day
There’s no escape for you.
Though others say
“There’s naught to fear!”
A nod of pseudo-agreement,
Shrugs of guarded assent,
Are all you can offer.
Contented . . . (condemned?)
By secrets they can’t
(Or won’t?) understand.
Maybe you’d feel as they do,
Contrary to your own memory,
Had past happenstance
Not marred the current event;
Had loved ones chosen breath,
Rejected death;
Had they not chosen earth
But faced the dearth;
Had they not gone to battles
Or taken last gasp rattles,
You wouldn’t now stall—
You would approach joyfully
Your moment of judgement.
You would fall on your knees,
Cry out heavenly ecstasy
Not woefully
As you meet the Maker
You so adamantly rejected.
The one who knows you well;
The one who purchased your soul.
You try to hold out hope that decades
Of anger
Haven’t bought you hell.

Note there is one vowel not used - 'i'