Baby Puke: Toxic Waste of the Worst Kind

Unlike the other body functions, like defecating and urinating an infant will be able to spew some of the grossest stuff known to man out of its mouth. Changing a smelly, wet diaper will become second nature by the end of the first week, but watching Mel’s baby being patted on the back until he either belches out a gas bubble or spits up the curdled lumps of breast milk/ baby formula is something I’m glad that I can only read about.

The smell of baby puke is worse than the one rancid Easter egg from last year’s Bunny hunt. It is the smell of diesel fuel, stale beer and clove garlic cocktail. It’ll turn your iron stomach into mush and if you are lucky the on-tap spewing monster only spits up on the cloth diaper that you placed on your shoulder.

This junk will stain clothing, disrupt your hearing and make your hair curl like you left the curling iron on high and then fell asleep… So Mel, take my advice and don’t make your baby burp any where near your hair, clothing or your furniture unless you own a steam cleaner for carpets. Have your mother, a nurse, mid-wife or some in-the-know male show you the proper way to nurse your baby where spiting up is not an option… or trade your baby for a calf… because cows can’t puke!