Turning Away

Turning Away- April 5, 2005

All these questions running through my mind
Rambling, rambling
Talking all the time
I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Is it true what they say?
What I see is me?
So when I look at you
The things I hate the most
Are inside of me too?
I don’t want to face these demons
All this pain
I like to think that my life will always stay the same
But I know that’s not how it goes
So I must take a look and see
What will grow.
Do I really want to know??
I see that you need me
But you won’t let yourself
I see that I want you
But I don’t want it to be true
I know that our time together won’t last
Soon she will be here, we’ll be
Just a figment of the past

You can’t be alone
You have been hurt too many times
Nothing seems to last…
I just want to be with you for fun
To help ease the pain of my loneliness
I don’t want you as anything more
So why does it hurt that I know
This could be the last time I walk through your door?
I know the safest thing to do
Is to stop now and try to hinder the aching
That I know will be inevitable as soon as you stop taking
Me in your arms, trusting, confiding
I need that to feel special, loved, understanding
But I am scared that I cannot stop
I feel addicted to you
Weak and vulnerable
I hate that you have that power.
I hate that you make me feel.
I just want to be numb and never have to deal,
With the hurt and the longing and the pain that is me,
But still my mind keeps running
The questions go unanswered
I guess I will just sit still and see
If God will give the answers to me,
No one else seems to be.