Early Bird

Early Birds

They say, "The early bird gets the worm." Now, there are some fallacies with that cute little comment. First, who cares about the eating habits of birds? And, if I was a smart worm, no way would I be getting up early--not with all those hungry birds out there. What ever happened to the saying, "The smart worm sleeps in late?" Of course, that saying has been suppressed by management. We can't have the work force sleeping in late. Oh no, it's not good for business. And so, management has spent millions of dollars promoting the concept of Early Birds while they conduct a vendetta against Sleeping Worms.

Management has also suppressed the fact that we have a multitude of sleepy birds flying around out there. Ever hear of a bird flying into a window? I bet you think he was fooled by the clear glass. Not a chance--he was sleeping. Being full of worms, he dozed off, dropped his bird-senses, and Wham!--a window. It happens with cars and trucks (or for our English friends that would be lorries).

Scientist and bird-folk have long fostered the idea that the true example of a well ordered life is that of birds flying in formation. The fallacy of this premise is that birds fly in formation as an example of teamwork, which is another management favorite. It appears that the lead bird in the V-formation receives all the wind resistance. So they take turns flying the lead position; henceforth, you have the example of teamwork. The truth is that the birds on the trailing edge are fat birds who have busied themselves on worms all morning instead of resting. It takes a lot of stamina to flap along at 2,000 feet. Those birds dragging up the trailing edge are actually being dragged along by the trim alert ones who have limited their worm consumption.

Now, you may ask, "How do I know this?" I am part of management; I am a business owner. When I registered my business with the appropriate governmental agency, I was given a special and highly secret pamphlet. It outlined a set of rules and guarded secrets to which only management has access. It is to my great peril I am sharing this confidence with you now. For example, did you know that bosses really do have eyes in the back of their heads? They are surgically attached when we file for incorporation. Oh, you don't see them because it's all in the way we comb our hair. Employees, who get away with murder at work, all work for bald bosses. For obvious reasons the bald bosses did not receive back-eyes. That is why the hair-growth industry has received secret funding from corporate America to advance the plight of follicly-challenged business-owners.

I share these things because of the close community relationship that we have developed in writing.com. I trust that anyone reading this will appreciate the danger in which I place myself by sharing these hidden secrets. Heaven forbid that my corporate brothers and sister should ever find that I have shared these truths! If found-out, my American Express Corporate card would immediately be cancelled, and I would be banned from attending the annual "boss-banquet." So, please help me keep my secret. And please realize that if you quiz a boss about this, you will get a weird look from him. They will laugh it off and say "That's cute--pretty funny." We are trained to do that. But you will surely be marked. So, be careful who you share this with.

Enough, I've gotta go. I think I've gotten a hair in my eye.