Doggone it!

“Here Morton! C’mon Boy! Let’s go for a walk!”

“It’s about time!”

“Who said that?”

“Who do you think said that? The cat?”

“Mort! Since when did you start talking? And why do you sound like James Earl Jones? You’re just a little dog!”

“What’s size got to do with how I sound? Besides, I like how Jones sounds. What better a voice to say “Luke, I’m your father?””

“Okay, you make a good point, but I would have thought you would sound more like Yoda. Now, you ready to go out?”

“Of course I am! Do you think I like dancing around with my legs crossed?”

“I’m sorry, Morton. Since I broke my foot, it hurts for me to walk on it for any prolong period of time, and this cast is pretty awkward to walk in. You know I would take you out more otherwise.”

“Yeah, Mom…You don’t mind if I call you Mom, do you? I mean, you are the closest dog…ummm…person who has been a mom to me since I was eight weeks old.”

“No, I don’t mind at all. It’s been a long time since I’ve been called Mom anyhow.”

“Mom? Are you crying? Please don’t cry! You know it makes me howl!”

“Yeah, sorry. Lemme get a tissue. Oh heck! Mort, did you tear up all the tissues again?”

“Uh, yeah, I did. I can’t help it! It’s so much fun to shred the tissue into confetti!”

“You really need to stop doing that, Mort.”

“Yes, I know, and I will try to resist the urge. Can we go out now? I have a little bladder, ya know.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. Lemme get the door for you.”

“Whoopee!”

“Hey! Mort! Wait for me! You can’t reach the elevator buttons!”

“Can’t wait! Gotta go! Gotta go! I gotta go peeeeeeeeee!”

“Wait, Morton, I need to put your leash on!”

“Push the button first!”

“Okay, okay! Dang you’re a pushy dog now that you talk!”

“Elevator’s here!”

“Mort, sit.”

“Hee hee hee. I can see up this lady’s dress. She wears granny panties.”

“Mort! Behave yourself! You know it’s rude to look…Ummm, I’m sorry Ma’am. My dog is a little anxious to get outside.”

“Phew! She needs to douche too!”

“Mort!”

“Don’t worry, only you can hear me.”

“Thank gawd for that. What are you looking at lady? Can’t I talk to my dog?”

“Hee hee hee!”

“Shuddup, Morton!”

“Gawd, I’m glad they’re gone. Mort is so annoying. And I still say, cats rule and dogs drool!”