It's Not What It Looks Like

Humans are very inconsiderate.

Why, why, WHY do they leave things around for innocent squirrels like me to get into situations like this?

I want to tell my side of the story, because the photo makes me look like some kind of alcoholic. And I'm not. I'm a proud, upstanding member of the squirrel community...and don't pay any attention to what those red squirrels say.

So, you look at that photo and think, hey, neat, that squirrel's drinking Budweiser through a straw! How cute!

Yeah, well, I wasn't, and I don't like people thinking of me as 'cute' unless it earns me snacks. Hey, a guy's gotta eat, right?

Anyway, what happened. I was busy collecting nuts for the winter. We all do it. Since I have a tendency to snack at the same time, I usually end up collecting for longer than most squirrels, but that's by the by. I was scurrying across the clearing, heading for home, when I saw two cans of beer standing on a table. There were no humans - it's usually too cold for them to eat outside at this time of year; they were obviously starting to hibernate - and so I thought I'd take a quick sniff, see what was so great about this beer stuff.

Big mistake. Note to self and any young squirrels who might be reading this: next time you sniff a can of alcohol, remember to put your nut down first.

Yep, you guessed it; I dropped the nut into the beer can. So humiliating. Well. I couldn't just go off and leave it; it was a nice nut, and I had been looking forward to eating it when winter came. So, I looked around, trying to think of a solution, and my gaze fell upon a straw. Aha! Inspiration struck! I'd seen humans use these things to suck up liquid. Logically, therefore, they could also be used to suck up a certain nut.

Now don't get me wrong; I knew full well I wasn't going to be able to suck the nut up through the straw. But I did think that maybe if I sucked hard enough, I could pull the straw out with the nut stuck to one end.

It was a lot harder than it sounds. I must've been trying to suck that damned nut up for ages when I heard a click and a whirr from nearby. Turning, I stared into the lens of a camera and cringed inwardly. Jeez, wasn't it embarrassing enough I'd dropped my nut without humans coming to rub it in?

So basically, that is the true story behind my straw and beer picture! I turned and raced away - no nut was worth that amount of embarrassment - and didn't stop until I got safely back home. I wish I hadn't eaten half my stores in my agitation though; that's gonna mean a whole lot more foraging. One thing's for sure though; next time I think I'll leave the human drinks well alone...

500 words