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February 16, 2012
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Table Of Contents   (TOC)  
karlaswan
    My main portfolio contains 18 items.
Folder links are in Red   *   Other Item links are in Blue

[My Demented Humor]    (18+)    # 833284:
        Depression-Related Humor. Not for the faint of heart!
[The Mexico Connection]    (13+)    # 1102373:
        More humor for the depressed - served with guacamole!
Nicky's Gift    (18+)    # 926358:
        4 Teens stumble through their senior year and into a killer's spree. . .
[Wicked Women]    (13+)    # 1165178:
        Here is where I keep my short stories, horror/ghost genre (mainly). All featuring women.
[Sisters In Arms Book Chapters]    (E)    # 838772:
        Part dark drama, part madcap romp
[Unfinished Short Stories]    (18+)    # 1014353:
        A collection of shorts. All unfinished as I am a great opener, but horrible closer.
My BLOG    (18+)    # 931496:
        uh-oh. A place where I can really tell the truth?
[Some pictures]    (13+)    # 921867:
        What I look like when I'm not depressed.
Karla's Writer Bio    (------)    # 1597230:
        Brief bio of Karla Cruz
A Righteous Design    (13+)    # 1474072:
        Based on a true story, a young artist's work is stolen. But justice served is so sweet!
Drunk Bookends    (13+)    # 1465832:
        Epiphanies can come from the strangest sources
I Was So Embarassed    (13+)    # 1156161:
        Where NOT to give yourself a, uh, ummm exam?
Life is Like a Paragraph    (E)    # 1134372:
        Most of life is suffering. The high points are the commas and exclamations.
I Talk to Dead People    (E)    # 1097980:
        Do you pray to those who have passed on? I do.
[Writings on Menopause]    (18+)    # 1080396:
        This is where I complain about menopause
[UWW Novel Workshop Assignments]    (18+)    # 943698:
        Ultimate Writing Workshop Novel Group Assignments files here
[Prose]    (13+)    # 942724:
        Prose, poem-ish while trying to stay alive
Some Quotes to Help You Get By    (E)    # 939000:
        A collection of quotes specifically for creative and sensitive people.
#833284:   My Demented Humor    (18+)     [Top]
Depression-Related Humor. Not for the faint of heart!    (22 items)

The Concealer Cult    (18+)    # 1516770:
        I have lost my Gruntle. I am now a Dis-Gruntled Employee. I know I am going to get fired.
Humor for the Depressed by the Depressed    (E)    # 1389679:
        Demented humorist is published! Dog-Almighty is a collection of humor essays.
No Mo Ho Moans    (18+)    # 1385750:
        An estrogen challenged woman whines about her body
Stains of the Nightmare Variety    (13+)    # 1337748:
        I never thought I would need Pampers . . .
Overheard In a Pasture    (18+)    # 1267289:
        Cow and Goat have one of their Usual Daily Arguments
There Will Be No Farting on This Plane    (13+)    # 1226260:
        In which I state my humble opinion on 2 disgusting human functions
Excerpt From the South Park Diet    (E)    # 1166599:
        Food critics beware! This is my version of a well-stocked pantry.
A Blow by Blow Account of Childbirth    (13+)    # 1102383:
        Only I could be demented enough to find the humor in childbirth.
How to Have a Baby    (13+)    # 1099776:
        What I REALLY learned in Childbirth Classes
Total Skank Retain    (13+)    # 1098374:
        In which I am placed directly in the Line of Skank Fire!
My Son is My Favorite Nag    (13+)    # 1081745:
        Chapter 2: Things I did not know about having a child.
Why am I the Keeper of Lost Items    (13+)    # 1081741:
        Why am I the Keeper of All Lost Things?
Flatulence Poisoning    (18+)    # 942814:
        How my ex-boyfriend fried my brain
Panty Liners    (13+)    # 921275:
        Someone help me pick a panty liner!!
Our Lady of the Plastic Deck Chairs    (13+)    # 910265:
        Finally, a church for the rest of us.
Nematode Therapist For Hire    (------)    # 909243:
        allergies, nematodes and headaches; all grist for my favorite activity: complaining!
Headaches    (18+)    # 864641:
        Migraines are H*LL with the caps lock button on.
News You Can Count On    (18+)    # 839943:
        Lamenting the state of News Broadcasts
Bean Dip Woman    (13+)    # 838976:
        Parody of Fleetwood Mac's Gold Dust Woman
Blaming My Problems on Teddie    (18+)    # 835955:
        In which I trace the seeds of my depression back to the family dog.
Expensive Dirt    (18+)    # 833299:
        Why I Keep Losing Jobs
The Martha Files    (18+)    # 833288:
        I am Cooking Impaired
#838772:   Sisters In Arms Book Chapters    (E)     [Top]
Part dark drama, part madcap romp    (7 items)

Chapter 1: The Prodigal Daughter Returns    (18+)    # 816890:
        Sample 1st Chapter of Work in Progress
Ch 2: The Funeral    (13+)    # 838774:
        Grandma Donovich's Funeral
Ch 3: The Gravesite Service    (13+)    # 838775:
        My Aunt Dorothy and Aunt Ruth act silly at the gravesite
Chap 6: Shelley's News    (13+)    # 909194:
        Shelley tells Julie about her manic-depression
Chap 7: Anna's Accident    (13+)    # 909196:
        Anna ends up in ICU after her car meets a steel fence . . .
Chap 9: Anna is Institutionalized    (13+)    # 909200:
        Aunt Anna winds up in Providence; an institution for the mentally infirm.
Chap 12: Puzzle Pieces    (13+)    # 909209:
        Some mysteries become clear at a family picnic.
#921867:   Some pictures    (13+)     [Top]
What I look like when I'm not depressed.    (5 items)

Church Lady    (E)    # 921876:
        I play at church service.
My High School Photo    (XGC)    # 921874:
        I lied. I was depressed when I made this.
Now this I can play    (E)    # 921872:
        One should practice whenever they can.
My Corona Ad    (18+)    # 921868:
        My Corona Ad
why, hi there!    (13+)    # 921865:
        Where I do my best writing
#942724:   Prose    (13+)     [Top]
Prose, poem-ish while trying to stay alive    (22 items)

Alone    (13+)    # 1685701:
        One night the moon rose, but there were no stars
February 7, 2007    (13+)    # 1217484:
        On the night when the star fell . . .
Boys of April    (E)    # 1199971:
        opposites attract; pain follows
Bats, Wine & Liars    (------)    # 1177834:
        In the midst of twilight the truth of the lies fly . . .
Fire    (------)    # 1177193:
        Inspired by Pablo Neruda
The Painting Redux    (------)    # 1170425:
        The painting, finally tired of, is replaced.
orchids    (E)    # 1156160:
        Orchid blooms, heart breaks.
The Joker    (18+)    # 980160:
        confronting a surprising sexuality
Up In Flames    (E)    # 942778:
        I choose to sew wild oats
Stay of the Razor    (18+)    # 942775:
        I am given reprieve from suicide
The Painting    (E)    # 942773:
        he sees me as a person, not a possession
Excerpt #2 from Poems: a Collection    (18+)    # 942771:
        a bit on the erotic side
Excerpt from Poems: a Collection    (E)    # 942767:
        two cynics fall in love
Sleeping Beauty    (E)    # 942763:
        the awakening I begged for
Why Do I Write    (E)    # 942760:
        writing out loud
The Truth Was Out There . . . Somewhere    (E)    # 942756:
        longest and biggest mistake of my life
OhOhOh    (18+)    # 942746:
        a haunting
CLONE    (E)    # 942737:
        He played pygmalion.
Circus    (E)    # 942736:
        Religious abuse
Spirits of Equal Hue    (E)    # 942733:
        very few words about my divorce
I Will Not Leave You Orphaned    (E)    # 942730:
        Things I think God would say to those abandoned
Naked in The Rain    (E)    # 942727:
        Asking questions of composers
#943698:   UWW Novel Workshop Assignments    (18+)     [Top]
Ultimate Writing Workshop Novel Group Assignments files here    (11 items)

UWW Workshop Assigment #10 Real Time    (13+)    # 1037869:
        Workshop Assignment #10 Action Sequence Real Time
UWW Workshop Assignment #10 Page Time    (13+)    # 1037868:
        Assignment #10 Action Sequence - The Underwear Real Time
Week 9 Novel Assign: Conflict    (13+)    # 1029232:
        Character Trouble List
Week 8 Novel Assign: Middles    (18+)    # 1014044:
        Week 8 Novel Prompt. Includes ch 6 & 7 of "Nicky's Gift" mystery in Progress.
Week 7: Personality, Dialogue & Emotion    (13+)    # 987042:
        Novel writing assign: Week 7. Great subject matter for prompt.
Week Six: Forward Progression    (E)    # 985300:
        Alicia Porter, the first victim, is found.
Week 5: Point of View    (13+)    # 971613:
        Nicky's Gift Novel in Progress Point of View
Week 4: Beginnings    (13+)    # 966181:
        Description of the Point of No Return in the Novel" Nicky's Gift
Week Three: Characters    (13+)    # 955063:
        Description 4 main characters in mystery "Nicky's Gift," etc.
Week Two Prompt: Plots    (13+)    # 952106:
        Novel: Nicky's Gift Main plot and Subplots in Step Form
Week One Prompt: Outlines    (E)    # 943701:
        Three outlines of novel in progress
#1014353:   Unfinished Short Stories    (18+)     [Top]
A collection of shorts. All unfinished as I am a great opener, but horrible closer.    (5 items)

Shalina of the Coconut Head    (18+)    # 1014410:
        In a coma, Shalina tells an unbelievable tale
part 2: Shalina of the Coconut Head    (13+)    # 1022808:
        Next part of Shalina's adventure. To be worked into story.
You Just Wait Till I'm Blonde!    (18+)    # 1014399:
        There is no such thing as Innocent Infidelity
An Elephant for Karina    (13+)    # 1241282:
        In which me & my best friend park an elephant on my enemy's front lawn.
A Short Short Pizza Thing    (13+)    # 1014413:
        Now you too, can find a use for toenail clippings. . .
#1080396:   Writings on Menopause    (18+)     [Top]
This is where I complain about menopause    (5 items)

Menopause: Mile 100    (18+)    # 1270817:
        menopause is another word for insanity
I Don't Want to be a Woman Anymore    (18+)    # 1106254:
        If I had known it was going to be this bad, I would have had a sex change a long time ago.
Take a Tab of Xanax - A Menopause Tune    (18+)    # 1098498:
        I lament my menopause to the tune of "Pick a Bale of Cotton."
More Thoughts: This Dumb Change of Life    (18+)    # 1080392:
        just more ranting about menopause
The Mack Truck of Menopause    (18+)    # 1079578:
        I have been run over by the Hormones R Us Delivery Van
#1102373:   The Mexico Connection    (13+)     [Top]
More humor for the depressed - served with guacamole!    (8 items)

My Road Trip to Mexico - Part 3    (13+)    # 1242735:
        further anecdotes from the trip to Hell.
My Road Trip to Mexico - part 2    (13+)    # 1102392:
        I successfully smuggle super-size tampons across the border.
My Road Trip to Mexico - part 1    (13+)    # 1099785:
        In which I begin describing our journey, but end up talking about nut shrapnel.
The 3rd Eye    (E)    # 1098478:
        In which my girlfriends and I discuss the faces of the moon.
In Which I Become a Specialty Courier    (E)    # 978842:
        Have you ever rearranged your schedule around a stool sample?
A Bad Hair Night    (13+)    # 965153:
        Hey Lady! There's an animal on your head!
Ant Overdose    (18+)    # 930654:
        Mmm, smells tasty. What are we having for lunch, mom ?
The Godzilla Papers    (13+)    # 833295:
        Godzilla is alive & well and living in Puerto Vallarta
#1165178:   Wicked Women    (13+)     [Top]
Here is where I keep my short stories, horror/ghost genre (mainly). All featuring women.    (10 items)

The Legend of The Little Queen    (18+)    # 926310:
        In the city of San Ciel, I stumble upon a dead lady in a park . . .
A Habit of Prayer    (18+)    # 1014402:
        A most unlikely vampire defends her daughter's tomb
The River Lady    (13+)    # 1625737:
        She rises from the river every decade. A grateful nod to the classic, "The Water Ghost."
The Voices - Final Edit    (13+)    # 1591888:
        Christina is mute, wheelchair-bound, yet the voices she hears help save her life.
The Spirit in the Shoe    (18+)    # 1183328:
        ever get a stone in your shoe that you can't get out?
Buried Underwear    (18+)    # 1169758:
        Vonna the Timid becomes Vonna the Brave with the help of a simple curse
The Voices    (13+)    # 1165923:
        Christina is mute, wheelchair bound, yet the voices she hears help save her life.
The Necklace (working title)    (18+)    # 1165783:
        When Frannie wears the necklace; dirty deeds transpire
Barn Razing    (13+)    # 1165170:
        Suzanne finds a noose left behind by a ghost
The Doll Collector    (13+)    # 1158280:
        Cheater beware. Voodoo has its place.

Table Of Contents   (TOC)