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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
| It's been a month since I last made an entry, and a month is a long time in the life of an addict. I relapsed within days of my last entry, it seemed so inevitable now...and even then. I felt it coming, and like a train approaching the station, there was nothing I could do to stop it. And so, how will I stop it the next time? There has come a reaction to using meth which is getting worse every time I use...panic attacks that are the most frightening thing I have ever experienced. The problem is that within days, I dismiss the effect and have justified using again. I am lost at the moment. I know what I need to do, yet I am terrified of what I might do. I am truly sorry to all those who have supported me in the past...the guilt and shame I feel right now is almost too much to bear. Believe me when I say, I still want to be free from this drug, I just don't know how. |
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