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The Trials of Chris-chan after he did the unspeakable. |
| It was late May 2022, and you are still hopping mad over the fact that you are back in this jail of fail! It also didn't help that the world seemed to have laughed at you whenever you talked about how Hasbro rebooting MLP is causing World War 3 to start! And to top it all off, not only is Hasbro making a video game series with the slanderous ponies, BUT NINTENDO IS MAKING YET ANOTHER POKEMON GAME AND YOU PROBABLY WON'T BE OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE IN TIME TO ENJOY IT! As you are raving and ranting in your jail cell, you get a letter in the mail from a familiar location. You recognize it as Kenneth's address! You however remember that just before you were taken to that horrible place with the tards, you have gotten furious with him because he allowed a letter to get leaked and everyone found out about your mother having a wreck, getting broken bones and fractures, getting a traffic citation, and having your family invade the holy temple with a caretaker! You anxiously open up the letter and see that Kenneth is sorry for infuriating you, begs for forgiveness, and wants you to call him again. You felt so relieved because you did start to feel bad for the fool. Not only that, but you haven't been talking to too many people lately, other than a group of high schoolers who are selling medallions and artwork on your behalf. Your artwork is quite simple, but the jailhouse didn't exactly have a pack of Crayola markers ready at hand. The next day, you send Kenneth a letter, telling him that you can't tell him where you were for the past 2 months, because you were told to keep your mouth shut and TOTALLY not because you were embarrassed about being locked up with the 'slow-in-the-minds.' You then tell Kenneth that once again, you did not have any sexual contact with your own mother and that it was all a lie! Although, even though it was your own mother, you were quite horny and the damn pandemic was keeping you from finding a hooker! You then tell him that this whole thing isn't just the troll's fault...it was your mother's fault also! You claim that she is just as responsible as them because she hasn't contacted you in several months. The last time you talked with her, she was telling you that she can't talk to you anymore for some reason. Saying it was legally questionable or some shit. You then thought it would be a good idea to tell a complete stranger about your own mother's life in high school as well as her sex life, because that's what everyone wants to hear about...about how many guys your mother has been with and how often she masturbated... You then make an outrageous claim that on a fateful day in May 2012, you went up to your mother and told her how you just got done banging a hooker...because that's also a good idea to tell your own family about your illegal activities... Not only did she snapped as expected, but also claimed that she was going to be the one to take his virginity...because it's TOTALLY a believable story about how a mother wants to take the virginity of her own child... You then not only tell Kenneth that you still think Jacob Sockness is still responsible for the pandemic, but Hasbro for the invasion of Ukraine. You finally get done and tell him you will contact him later. Days later, you get another letter from Kenneth. This time, it's a list of questions from Kenneth in regards to your beliefs and theories. You decided to answer these questions, but put a note on the top to not disclose the entire damn letter or he will be smited the moment you get out of jail! You tell him that you think that Jacob Sockness put some kind of curse over China, which caused the virus to emerge. You also tell him that somewhere in Ukraine, there was people there that was responsible for helping Hasbro reboot the MLP cartoons. And Russia, furious at Ukraine over this for some reason, decided to invade the country. That's right, you think Vladimir Putin invaded a country over a show with cartoon ponies, because that is totally believable... You then scribble down a bunch of other garbage that came up in the top of your head before sending the letter off as well. Towards the end of the month, you get some news that rattled you to the core. Among the news about a new Pokemon game, but also news of a new Sonic the Hedgehog game..."Sonic Frontier!" You couldn't fucking believe it! All of these wonderful games coming up and you are stuck in this jail of fail to enjoy them! Not only that, but you also heard that the game was going to be 'Open World'...something that has always been your biggest dream! You then go to bed that night, praying to the Commodore that you will be able to get out of jail soon and when you do, you will be able to go back home and enjoy these wonderful new games in your holy temple...which TOTALLY won't be given over to any slanderous bank, NOR will it be taken over by a family relative in your family that is pissed off at you over the actions you have done to your own mother... |
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